We’re taught in schools that masturbation is healthy and there is no limit to when it becomes unhealthy (including a lot of pro sex talk regarding vibrators.) It’s simple, your brain is learning to enjoy sex in a way that is not natural or at all related to real sex so obviously it is going to cause issues later in life when you actually have sex and experience something completely different.
Most doctors will not involve porn use into the discussion; which is unfortunate because it is definitely a contributor. I have quit porn. I did a lot of googling into this, including reading up on the ybop website. There really isnt enough research or knowledge into this, especially for men since it has been very rare (though I think with men getting sexual later in life and also porn becoming more accessible it is becoming a bigger issue.)
I am here to share my story of overcoming an incredibly psychologically painful disability that many men do not face and an area where very little to no research has been done. If you go to a doctor with these issues (Ive been to several) they will not be able to help you as it is not typically something physically wrong with you, but entirely psychological.
Delayed Ejaculation is a dysfunction I suffered from for a long time and have recently overcome. It makes it very difficult, or in most cases impossible to orgasm to or even enjoy vaginal or oral sexual intercourse. It took me 9 months to finally overcome, prior to that I did not orgasm at all during piv sex.
It is a very complex dysfunction because it essentially creates a negative feedback loop. It makes you stressed and depressed and will frustrate your sex partner or make them feel insecure about their performance or appearance; subsequently this makes enjoying sex more difficult and more frustrating.
I am a confident, happy, healthy man who maintains a proper diet and excercise plan. This dysfunction broke me. It made me insecure, depressed, I broke into tears multiple times randomly throughout the day. The psychological torture is beyond words and it does not sound nearly as painful as it feels.
I hope that this post can find men who are in the same situation and help guide them through the struggle.
- Did you masturbate prone as a child ( on your stomach? ) Or do you use a very strong grip? If so, you must stop completely, never do it ever again. Read here for more info regarding prone http://www.healthystrokes.com
- Are you circumcised? Make sure you use lube when you masturbate.
- Use a fleshlight at least, with a hard casing so you cannot control pressure with your hands. It is worth it, don’t feel shy, just go into the sex shop and buy one. It is the healthiest way to masturbate.
- If you are circumcised, I highly suggest you moisturise your penis, without the skin to protect your penis it will get unnaturally dry and the skin will hardden making it less sensitive. I used Man1 Man Oil, but you can use coconut oil etc… Also, if you’re going to have kids PLEASE research circumcision thoroughly before having it done to your son. There are alternatives and at the very least safer ways to circumise your children (do loose cut, keep frenulum intact)
- Obviously, start a reboot. That is essential. You dont need to do 90 days if you cannot. At the very least, stop watching porn.
- Be patient. This is the harddest part. It took me a year to recover.
- Communicate with your partner. This is important. It will help you feel less pressured during sex. It wont feel as good at first, you literally need to retrain your brain to enjoy a new sensation and sense of stimulation. Be patient, it will feel better in time and it is worth the wait.
- Foreplay. This helps prepare your mind for sex. Sex should not be goal-orientated. You should just be trying to have fun. This one is harder to do than it sounds, but stop thinking about orgasming and think about fun intimate romantic time with your partner.
- Don’t give up. It will take a long time, it will be hard and emotionally taxing. It will be very painful but you will orgasm eventually.
- Some drugs can cause sexual dysfunction, ie antidepressants. Ask your doctor about these if you are taking them.