I have been wanting to write this for quite sometime now. The journey that I took was kind of like an expedited recovery process which involved getting embarrassed, a lot of travel, increased human touch and finally, burning around $1800 in cash. It was pretty wild and confusing for me, but I needed (not wanted) to quit porn and have natural sex with a female.
To give a little bit background about my porn addiction, I started watchingporn at a young age of 15. My friend introduced me to pink.com, and there I was, instantly turned on by the women. At that time, I really did not know the right way to masturbate; I used to get hard when I slept with my chest down on the bed. I liked rubbing my dick against the mattress. One day, without realizing I had ejaculated and there was a whole lot of cum in my underwear. I was excited. I started doing it everyday, then went on to twice a day. I tried masturbating with my hands, but it did not give me the same kick as rubbing my dick against the bed. 5 years later, I realized that this kind of masturbation is linked to erotic asphyxiation, where a person restricts oxygen to the brain for increased arousal. And this, apparently, is the most addictive form of masturbation. Reading about this still didn’t stop me. I continued on for another 2 years. My dick went limp and I used to have a lot of pain. I soon started getting into extreme hardcore porn such as bondage, hentai, rape etc. I wanted more dopamine hits. It soon became a thing where I had to keep scrolling, searching for new videos just to stimulate me enough. If you would like to know the amount of time it took me to ejaculate, I would say around an hour. Yes, an hour of watching extreme hardcore porn to cum. It was all too crazy. I mean, the first step to recovery was realizing that I was addicted. I did not even know that.
It was when I fell in love with a girl that I realized that I could not get turned on even though I was insanely attracted by her. But I am not going to go over that story as we broke up due to different reasons. In the few months that I was with her, I realized that I did have some kind of ED, but did not realize it was porn induced.
I got a job in the US. I was alone, renting a house by my own. I soon became sexually frustrated as I badly wanted to have sex. It was more of a manly issue than my immediate sexual needs. I set up a plan: a 30 day no fap no porn period. During this period, I wanted to have more human touch, someone other than me. I started going to asian massage parlors, where they give a good ‘happy ending’. But at the start no one could make me ‘happy’ lol. They tried to jack me off, but I just not was getting turned on. My dick responded only to porn. I did not give up. i kept visiting massage parlors two times a week just hoping to get the human touch–orgasming was not the goal. I wanted to lower my porn threshold. The masseuse used to look at me weirdly, but i just kept on keeping on. Slowly I was getting hard. Soon I progressed into getting blowjobs. That actually got me hard enough but I still was not able to finish. Finally after a month, I released hard into her mouth. I was so fucking happy that day.
I was not done yet. I needed to have sex. I started looking for cheap escorts online. I paid around $80 for the first escort that I saw. She gave me a blowjob, after which I wanted to have sex. She was all ready and spread out. But push comes to shove, my dick went limp. I was so freaking embarassed. I told her that day I had taken too much weed, so I was too relaxed. This kinda kept happening often. The other day there was this latina escort that I saw, she was really nice and made me feel comfortable, I was really turned on by her body and was sure that I would fuck her. But no. All the previous years of porn addiction came to haunt me. The embarrasment, though,kept pushing me forward. But it is important to note that during all this time, I was not watching porn. I had the opportunity to see lot of escorts that porn took a back seat. I wanted to do the real thing.
The second month wasnt over yet. I did all the above things in less than 20 days. I met around 8 escorts, out of which 2 of them gave me great head in order to ejaculate. I still did not have sex yet. But I knew that my dick was performing much better now as I was engaging with real women and my threshold for porn imagery reduced. Around the end of the second I met this black escort, she was young, around 24. We had a car date. That day I remember I was extremely frustrated and needed sex so badly. She started sucking me off good. I stayed in the moment and enjoyed that feeling. I told her I wanted to have sex. She took her mouth off my dick and started putting on a condom. I was kind of anxious that I was going to lose my boner. Luckily I was around 80% hard. I kept stroking my dick constantly. I stood up, went close to her, entered her smoothly. My dick instantly became 100% hard after entering her. The feeling was out of the world. I was having sex finally after so many years. I was a million dollar man that night. That experience gave me so much confidence. I was able to have sex with any woman then onwards.
I feel this battle was a psychological one as well. I had to know that I could have sex. I always was doubting myself whether I could do it or not. That kind of also turned me off. I had to learn to shut down that area of my brain.
Soon after, I stopped meeting escorts and going to massage parlors. I masturbate without watching porn–I ejaculate in less than 5 minutes. I am going to continue doing this until I find the love of my life. I am so glad that I quit porn. I have started exercising regularly and eating healthy. My voice has become so much better now.
If you or someone that you know are trying to quit porn, just hang in there and keep on keeping on. I am sure that you can do it. Peace to all!
LINK – Had sex in under 60 days