Epiphany: I just want to be a normal, healthy person


I had never been a heavy porn user; I used to watch it about once every three days. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t addicted. It just means I was less addicted. An addiction is an addiction, and porn isn’t something one should watch, not even in moderation. I had slowly grown reliant on porn without even knowing it. So why did I one day suddenly decide to quit? It was all thanks to two epiphanies.

The first epiphany is realizing I was, indeed, addicted to porn. I used to rationalize watching porn by telling myself I do it only because I’m single; I used to believe that if I got a girlfriend and had real sex, I’d never watch porn and masturbate again. Man, was I wrong. Even after I had a girlfriend and had sex regularly, I still watched porn and masturbated. We broke up in the end—though porn had little to do with it—and that got me thinking: What in the world is better proof than this that I am addicted to porn?

Oftentimes, you really have to calm down and put yourself at a distance to see exactly how fucked up a situation is.

The second epiphany occurred one day while I was having dinner. I started to imagine what it would be like to enjoy dinner with my future wife and kids. Indeed, I might get married someday, and I might have a daughter. Then it dawned on me: If I continued watching porn, then there must be one day when I become older and my daughter reaches the same age as the average pornstar. I would then be watching people around the same age as my daughter having sex on a computer screen. That thought thoroughly sickened me; I nearly spat out my dinner. Besides, my hypothetical wife will no doubt grow old with me. She won’t be beautiful and sexy forever, and once we reach an older age, how can she possibly compete with those young actresses in porn videos? In fact, how can reality ever compete with fantasy? Watching porn is not fair to my significant other. It’s vile, pathetic, and will only serve as a bane of our relationship.

These two epiphanies were like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut combined. I suddenly realized how fucked up I was. And I suddenly realized that this shit has got to stop. That’s why I took the NoFap challenge.

I, probably like many others, started doing NoFap in hopes of gaining superpowers, women attraction, all that. Yet now, after more than 200 days, my mindset has shifted drastically. Honestly, I don’t care about superpowers anymore. I just want to be a normal, healthy person. I just want to stop being so awkward around girls for fear that they know I watch porn. I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror, straight in the eyes. I just want to stop keeping this dirty little secret inside my heart and constantly feeling disgusted at myself.

Thanks for reading; I hope this helps you in some way. And I hope you encounter the epiphany that will give you the courage to put an end to porn addiction once and for all.

LINK – Two Epiphanies that Saved My Life

By Evderik_Shekanyu