I just wanted to share my story, in case it is relevant or helpful.
My partner and I have been 30+ days pornfree, and it has changed our relationship SIGNIFICANTLY for the better. For him, in particular, giving up porn has been somewhat life-changing.
In the last year, I noticed signs of what I thought could be an addiction to porn. During this time, I also noticed my own self-esteem diminishing. It increasingly bothered me that my partner was consistently seeking out dozens (hundreds?) of naked women on the internet.
Internally I started comparing myself to these women, and feeling inadequate. IMHO: the accessibility of porn, including softcore porn on Instagram is dangerous. I believe it encourages objectification of women, and leads to unhealthy expectations of what real women’s bodies look like. Doubly so, since many Instagram models are heavily posed, lit, and photoshopped. No one can live up to that expectation.
Anyway, porn felt like this huge elephant in the room in what was otherwise a good relationship. I knew he hid or lied about his porn use. It made me distrustful, and, frankly, disgusted with him. It also made me self conscious during sex, that I wasn’t “good enough,” that my body wasn’t “hot enough.” Porn was always hanging there, between us.
Finally, about 40 days ago I broached the subject with him. Indeed, he was addicted to porn, and we had many hours of long, difficult, angry talks. I told him ultimately that I was unable to remain in a relationship with a porn user. I didn’t care if this made me “prude.” I love sex and sexuality, but I don’t like porn. Porn’s damaging effects on our relationship were crystal clear. I was done with a life that included porn.
My partner was angry at first, but agreed to stop using it. He also began talking to his therapist about his porn use. The next two weeks were tough. I didn’t know if I could trust him, going forward. But we kept talking about, discussing it from different angles, etc. I knew he had to give it up for himself, not just for me. I wondered if that was possible.
Today he told me that he hasn’t looked at porn in over 30 days, and that he feels like a different person. He feels as though his eyes have been open. He said he no longer feels like a “creeper” or a “loser” but as a participant in his own life. He said his sexuality has been reawakened, and he is excited to explore sex between us.
Our sex life is better too. it is now clear that he is deeply engaged and aroused during sex, which wasn’t the case before. And, I feel more confident with my body. There is also more trust and honesty and connectedness in our relationship than there ever was before.
I hope we continue down this path. Pornfree is absolutely the way to be.