I have been around the Nofap and Pornfree communities for a while now with other accounts and am roughly 200-ish days into my recovery, I figure some may be interested in the changes I’ve noticed within myself. To be clear, I have been in recovery for 200 days, there have been some releases but no giving up
A little back-story, I was heavily addicted to porn from a very young age. My childhood, and especially my teenage years were rough, I had neglect issues, abandonment issues, emotional abuse and rejection.
I used porn to mask the pain in my youth. Over the years my fetishes cycled occasionally dipping into areas that bring great shame to me. I’m now in my late 20s and over the past few years I’ve worked hard to turn my life around and now, I am facing my biggest demons. So I’d like to report how much change I’ve noticed in my mind and body.
Arousal template – Pretty normal. I’ve never found conventional beauty attractive much, however years of twisted fetishistic porn and hentai screwed with my template. I now find the average looking person attractive.
Objectification -. I used to automatically look at body parts first, now I tend to look at faces and tend to find the most attraction in a beautiful face. That’s not to say I don’t notice an attractive body but I’m not perving over someone.
Fetishes GONE.
Depression – comes and goes. It’s not as bad as it was a few months ago. I do sometimes feel like I don’t deserve the life I’ve built because of all of the sick porn I’ve seen in the past. The good days are beginning to outweigh the bad now and I hope that this pattern continues until I at least feel at peace.
Productivity – I actually work less but before over the past few years I had dove headfirst into my work doing 16 hour days all week. Now I’m very careful about just taking some time off for me. I do feel better for it and my work has not suffered. I have implemented very strict website blockers and have to an extent “de-smarted” my phone, this has made searching for information a bit more of a challenge but it is more rewarding, in fact, being able to just Google anything removed the fun out of fact finding.
Urges and relapses – I actually found it easier to overcome urges in the beginning, it’s when I’m feeling pretty ok I may feel the urge to “reward”, an actual relapse is rare though and I always try to learn from it and prevent another one in the future. The content I relapse to has become more and more vanilla. Thinking of the stuff I used to regular just makes me feel uncomfortable now.
Personal growth – this has been the biggest change I’ve noticed. My cold, uncaring, selfish shell broke leaving me extremely overwhelmed with emotions; I’ve been in therapy to help deal with this as well as for my addiction. I’ve grown a much stronger sense of compassion, insight and understanding to the point where my therapist had suggested that I consider a career in counseling.
Confidence and insecurities – I have never been an overly confident person and I’m still not, though I don’t feel as much of a buildup of anxiety when I’m talking to new people.
Spirituality – I know not everyone would be interested in this bit so I’ll keep it brief. I took up Buddhism, its teaching helps me come to terms with who I used to be and work on forgiving myself.
Physical health – as a part of the new habits I’ve formed to replace PMO, I took up weight lifting and jogging. I do feel healthier and am beginning to get nice compliments about me looking healthier.
I hope you guys find this interesting.
;
