I had struggled with PMO for a solid 6-7 years, until January when I had one of my longest streaks ever. After that ended, I got discouraged and binged for about a month and a half. Then came mid-March, which, as of August 5th, was the last time I masturbated. I had dreamed for years of getting to where I am now.
I always hoped that one day I would be able to look back and realize that the nightmare was over without even needing to try. And although I’m certainly not done struggling with the same sexual temptations of the past, I have finally proven to myself that, despite what society tells me, it IS possible to go without PMO. At this point in my journey, I don’t even consider relapsing an option. I truly do feel that masturbation and all the problems it brought are finally in the past.
With that being said, I have learned a lot over these PMO-free 4.5 months. Here’s a checklist:
- I’ve heard a lot about how going without PMO can supposedly improve your love life. Let me just say that you would be surprised by how true that is. On at least four different occasions since March, there have been girls who have either overtly flirted with me, or given me some sort of positive signal. I don’t really understand why. All I know is that it almost never happens when you’re busy with PMO.
- Don’t listen to anything that says masturbating is healthy. The act will do nothing for you but bring endless amounts of shame, as it did with me. The fact is that your body has a natural way of releasing that doesn’t require you to defile yourself with PMO. Once you start going long periods without it, you’ll start having more and more night emissions, so the argument that you need to masturbate to stay healthy is total BS.
- I feel like PMO took something away from me that I’m just now getting back. This something was my sense of pride. After years of defiling myself with acts and imagery that I knew was wrong, I genuinely felt as though I was less than human. As a result, I developed a sense of deep self-loathing that I am only now beginning to shake off. It also resulted in a radical change in my personality, which created problems like conflict-avoidance issues. I was a passive, weak-willed pushover who was too much of a coward to confront anyone on anything. Looking back, I now realize that a lot of this was due to me seeing myself as a loser who was addicted to touching himself. Now that I’m past PMO, I’m regaining my sense of self-worth that was nonexistent not too long ago.
- PMO is only a small part of a much larger problem. For years, I have been trying to figure out why I do the things I do. I realize now that it is my own personal way of getting the affirmation that I’ve always craved, among other things. Forcing yourself to take a deeper look at the problem will help you a lot.
- Because of my increased level of self-esteem, I have started making other improvements in my life. I’ve started jogging more, I’ve noticed more gains from going to the gym, I started writing a book, I’m learning Japanese, and I’m trying to learn guitar. Putting away as many distractions as possible is a major key.
I still have a long way to go in my journey, as I still haven’t figured out how to go without staring at attractive women in public. As a Christian, I give God the glory for getting me this far, and I know that he will continue propelling me to victory. Just know that the hardest part is always the very start of the streak. Once you get past that, keep going until you’re where you need to be.