As it happens, yesterday was when I actually attained 90 days but I was doing some treacherous scenic cycling (never done this over the distance I did before). Today I had just spouted some motivation comment on a fellow fapstronaut’s post when I noticed my flair beside it!
What can I say? It’s been some of my most challenging yet progressive three months. I saw this sub when going through reddit metrics for rising subs and my curiosity was ignited. Browsing through the sub, the stories seemed ridiculous at first. How could porn have this much influence on literally everything you think and do in your waking days? Then I began an introspection journey.
I was not addicted to porn but I was dangerously teetering on the cliff. I was beginning to discover that porn was an easier way to satisfy another habit I had, masturbation. I would masturbate once to twice a week or at times, once a month but when I started facilitating it with porn, it increased to 5 days and it was in the process of creeping into a daily habit where my thoughts were subconsciously on when I could have some private time to beat my meat.
I also noticed, as so many other posts had mentioned, that I was gradually scaling the ladder to more intense and depraved forms of porn. I had begun on lesbian porn but that moved to seeing a guy bang a girl and then to shemales by the time I stumbled here.
Once again, I read the posts I had glossed through and boy did they make sense the second time! What sand was in my eyes the first time I read them to term them as ridiculous? I know not, but I fear that power. I was scared that I had been that gullible, that some of my friend circles glorified porn to be as normal as a bathroom break.
I challenged myself to go without masturbation for a month. That first month was when I understood just how firm the grip was. My brain worked against me every day, using the images from porn to make extra simulating imagery. My body was shaking. All along, I could feel a surge of energy and depression that I thought would kill me if not released.
I could go on with this but I believe I’ve gotten my point across, this sub saved me and I’m eternally grateful. It has healed me from relying on masturbation but even better, from porn, from which I honestly do not know if I could have fled had help come any later. More so, I’m glad I made a goal and achieved it on the first try, but I know that would not have been possible if not for regular sliding into the NoFap posts and comments and not having been too deep into porn.
Some benefits: I have become more decisive. I’m growing to know what my place is in this world. I also have more stable energy throughout the day and have come to depend less on food and bevs I thought I could not survive with eg. Coffee. Through the several flatlines I have undergone, I have come out of each with a filter to who I interact with and a keener eye for relationships that can/had been meaningful all along.
I believe I have saved some friendships that were going down the obscurity lane over this realization. I have used the “extra” time to get one part of a cisco cert, something I had always found an excuse to be unprepared for. I have taken up and completed a lot of the projects that I had stalled. I have also adopted the preference of talking straight to people over other forms of communication and getting the honest truth. This I attribute to developing this feeling that whatever comes, I can take it, also whatever comes, I want it in its purest form ASAP.
I urge all fellow fapstronauts to always be firm in your stand against porn, especially in a friend circle; you might be the one that saves a soul!! I know I still have weaknesses, that I will resort to fapping when everything in life is going wrong for me, but I declare that the next time I will be posting here, good lads, will be to celebrate a year free of PMO and more accompanying achievements.
LINK – 90 Days Full Reboot; how it feels.