Today is a very satisfying day for me with this accomplishment. I joined NoFap on Feb 2, 2016, so it is now more than three years I have spent on this site, meanwhile actively trying to quit PMO. When I first set my target as 90 days, I really did not think it would be very hard. Little did I know then what a journey this would end up being!
It feels good that I was able to keep my promise to myself and my friends and supporters here. That I could stick to my word to myself and my community here. 90 is just a number, and as such it doesn’t have great significance. The significance is more to myself that I could muster the will power to stick it through and I am grateful to God for giving me that will power and for also making the road easy enough that I could complete this. The power of the Divine also manifests in the many wonderful folks here who have helped me on this journey; always being supportive, shining a gentle light on my inconsistencies and cover-ups, and showing the way by modeling really inspiring behavior. To each one of you, my heartfelt thank you- you know who you are!
At the same time it is a sobering thought that it took me 3 years to get here. That actually makes me a bit sad, but it is just an indication of how deeply PMO messes with your mind and substitutes for so many self-improvements that are needed. Also I was doing this hard-mode or monk mode, which I actually think is easier for my personality than trying to quit PM while having sex with an SO. Even so, it is quitting cold turkey in a sense.
The other sobering thought is that 90 days is actually a very short time to be off PMO. Before I got here it seemed like an impossibly long endless desert of drought without the regular hit of PMO, but once I am here I realize that this is just the beginning of the real journey to be rid of PMO.
The last time I quit an addiction that was difficult was when I quit smoking around 1990, which is now almost 30 years ago. I could not quit it on my first attempt and it took me about 3 attempts and a lot of will power to do it, but I did. Strangely enough, I could still occasionally smoke a cigar at a friend’s baby celebration or some such once in a few years event and did not feel the urge to return to regular smoking. So my friends like @LakeMichigan and @hopefuldude may take some comfort in the fact that a one shot return to PMO after a long streak is not as disastrous as one might imagine. Luckily for me, now I do not even have the desire to try a cigar occasionally- the very notion is repulsive to me and I would not dare risk a relapse on that addiction ever again. Quitting alcohol about 10 years back was completely smooth and painless for me. I had no urges at all to return to drinking. Maybe that is what surprised me about PMO- that it took so long to quit after quitting those other two addictions successfully.
It feels great to be finally clean of all these stupid addictions even if I am now well past the halfway mark of my life. Although wisdom dawned late, I am glad it finally did.
Life without addictions is good. Although my addictions were relatively mild- I didn’t really miss a day at work or abuse my family in any extreme way because of these, I am still glad to get rid of my dirty secrets. It feels good to be clean. Also I can say that PMO was related to my anger management issues and to the extent that I can keep my calm with my mother and sister even in the face of extreme situations, I am very glad for NoFap.
I wish everyone who is still trying to reach 90 for the first time my very best. If I can do it, I am sure you can. For those who have done that before and/or are ahead of me- I’m aiming to join you soon my inspiring friends! Which got me to wonder- do we know who on NoFap has the longest streak ever? I recall replying to a thread that discussed how we decide when we are healed. Obviously a very personal judgement, but I think I would feel that only when my sexual fantasies die off completely and when my sexual thoughts are totally confined to my SO (who is still an unknown at this point!).
In conclusion, I am glad that today I can say that I did not watch P, or M, or O for 90 days continuously. Eliminating sexual fantasies and sexual thoughts is the next frontier, and I cannot declare to be healed without feeling that those are completely under control.
LINK – 90 Days Complete! Original Goal accomplished!