It’s been a little over 3 weeks since I’ve come clean to my wife and almost 3 months since I’ve stopped consuming pornography. We’ve been talking every day for hours to build a new foundation based on honesty, transparency, and respect. First off, to any guy out there who has a SO that has stayed with them after discovering their addiction, thank them and understand how much they love you to look past your history. You are capable of being loved, but you need to earn that love. Your life can change for the better, but you have to want it.
Some positive changes in my life since I’ve stopped consuming pornography have been:
•I no longer objectify women. I noticed this subconscious change in myself where I’m not oggling women anymore.
•My sex life has greatly improved; orgasms are more intense, sex is more intimate, and I’m more invested in taking care of my one and only partner.
•I have been able to recognize where pornography has diverted my path in life. I started at the age of 10 and didn’t stop until recently. I’ve learned that I was a victim of the porn industry and it’s incessant push onto the youth.
•I’ve gained the confidence to tell other people that pornography is evil, its effects on the brain, and how much of a detriment it is despite how socially normalized it has become. I feel confident and strong in myself. I carry myself better in regards to this subject as I have first-hand experience of the corruption that pornography inflicts upon you.
•I have had my spiritual awakening. I feel so connected to others, to friends, to my wife, even my dogs. I feel like I’m actually a part of this world and not so detached.
Some positive changes in my life as a result of telling my wife (she really did have to pull it out of me, I was NOT doing this on my own and I feel the need to be clear on this) are:
•I have gained a deeper spiritual understanding of myself. I feel confident in my beliefs and I feel whole. I no longer feel as if my lies are my person.
•I feel a deeper, more true connection to my wife. I’m able to be me, there is no longer a mask or a facade of a person.
•I’m recognizing that I may have a disorder. I would have never admitted this before this whole situation. I feel like I’m beginning to understand myself in ways I’ve never done. Doors are opening in my mind, fogs are clearing, memories are coming back, connections between my past and addictions are becoming apparent, connections between abuse/neglect and my personality are clear, and most of all, I’m beginning to sincerely love myself.
To any man struggling to tell their SO, tell them. Tell them for YOURSELF, not for them. The only way you can change is if you want to. Being honest will bring you so much peace despite the hardships. Know that there will be hardships — you have cheated on your SO with thousands of digital girls. There is pain that you have inflicted, and you are not the victim in this. Be there and support your SO, be understanding that you are a villain in this situation, but know that you can change for the better.