Wow. I never thought in my life that I would get to this milestone. No porn for 90 days. This has not been easy but I can tell you the benefits have been tremendous. Let me start by saying these troubles you are facing today are meant to be there in order for you to succeed. These troubles are short lived, and if you’re in pain – keep pushing and earn something from it. Success is not linear. You will bounce up and down with your mood every day until your brain rebalances. Your mind will mess with you. You will try to rationalize any which way possible.
Now let’s get down to business
Let me explain my story: I discovered porn in first grade. Yes, first grade. I was going to Hot wheels.com to play games because I loved cars and hot wheels. I clicked the wrong link and low and behold I found a website called hot chicks daily – I think I can blame my older brother for that one. Anyways, I was hooked instantly. So many boobs in one place and I didn’t know what the fuck to do with them. I would sit in my parents’ room and look at naked women all night in FIRST GRADE. I got caught and didn’t look again until about 6th grade. No wonder I’m addicted.
The reason why I quit was because I wasn’t getting a satisfactory relationship with girlfriend. It also didn’t help that I was desensitized. I’ve watched porn every day multiple times a day for roughly 9 years. Escalation is real and trust me it is not something to mess with. If you are in this position, stop immediately. It will fuck with your mental health and will burn images of the most disgusting things you can think of in your head.
I can say that getting through these 90 days, I feel like myself again. I don’t want to even watch porn. My view of women has changed drastically, and I don’t find unrealistic girls attractive as much as I used to. I’m more attracted to the normal, everyday girls + most importantly my girlfriend. Having her by my side was hands down the most important aspect to my success, and without her I’d still be in a deep dark mess of depression.
If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Tell them about your problem. Tell them what you are going through. It will make your relationship stronger and it will help keep you clean. If you are not admitting to your addiction then it will continue to have power over you because you are hiding it from others.
I also had a life coach that helped clarify a lot of things to me about my porn habits and why escalation is a real thing. Your brain just continually ups the ante to reach the same high it got when you first started. Your brain doesn’t see it as disgusting even though you know it is. Your brain just is adjusting to unnatural levels of dopamine and continues to desire more. There’s a reason why there’s a genre for everything on those websites.
Gary Wilson and YBOP has an incredible amount of resources as well for those of you that are struggling. But for now, I will breakdown some of the withdrawal symptoms I experienced through every 10 or so days leading up to today. (I still experience some of these, but they are brief and are fading. I would imagine they’ll be gone in another month or so)
When you first start you will be in shock. You will have intense cravings for your first couple of attempts in quitting. And you will relapse a lot in the early stages. Always remember that Rome was not built in a day. Keep pushing.
Anxiety is brutal in these first few days. This is because more than likely you were using pornography as a suppressor to anxiety or other legitimate emotions.
Mood swings are huge too. You might be happy all day until someone says something that might normally just cause a little anger, but under these circumstances you might explode. This was the hardest one for me because I really do love others and try my best not to get short with people. I became distant with my friends. And ultimately told my best friend what was going on. They understand and they will help you
These all get better at around the 14-day mark for me.
As I said, the initial wave of withdrawal will start to fade at around day 10-14. I’ve heard of a seven-day craving but I never really had one. Pornographic thoughts and flashbacks were strong in this stage however. I also was incredibly proactive and filled with energy at this stage. I felt great. Filled with confidence and pushing through my normal limits of going through the motions. Grades improved; I got much stronger from going to the gym. (Used to bench 135 for 12 now I get 225 for 8). I think this has to deal with the fact that you actually have a lot more time on your hands without porn.
Welcome to the flatline my friends. This is where boys become men. This is where you will play mental warfare back and forth until you either relapse or push through. I shit you not, after going to the gym for three weeks and going hard, I woke up and felt completely empty. All my motivation was gone. While this was frightening, I also noticed my porn flashbacks were practically gone. The intrusive thoughts were gone as well – and I learned that they are just your brain trying to bully you. The best thing you can do is just know that your soul knows that what you saw was bad – and that your brain is trying to make you feel guilt and shame for seeing it. But that is not who you are
The flatline also left me hopeless below the belt. I wasn’t interested in having sex with my girlfriend for some time (forced myself to) because I knew my brain just wanted porn – so I began rewiring my brain towards the real thing. And let me tell you, the real thing is awesome. After about two weeks of forcing, it through the flatline, my mood improved and my wiener came back to life.
Day 50 on
As I said, I pretty much had beaten the flatline and was slowly improving my sex life to the real thing. This is what the real battle was for me past day 50. At this point, I had no desire to look at porn at all. I was getting less and less flashbacks and the intrusive thoughts were completely gone. Physical touch was enough to turn me on with my girlfriend, and even the thought of real sex turned me on.
Truth be told, during this shit I didn’t feel any of the withdrawals go away – you just stop noticing them and stop caring. A lot of this recovery is mental, and your brain will try and trick you every which way to get back to where you were. Not to mention, most of us experienced porn before any real sexual interaction. Not to say I never did, but I never had confidence with women until after I quit porn for a while.
In fact, before my freshman year of college I quit for two weeks leading up until school. I shit you not, I got laid every other night it felt like. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. But after gaining some weight and just expecting porn to fill that void – I lost all confidence and struggled until I met my girlfriend today. I met her out on my 21st birthday and she is the love of my life. But I couldn’t keep up sexually because I was just drained from porn. And yes, I did still watch when I had a girlfriend.
Keep up the good fight guys and gals. I went to hell and back and it only made me stronger. My best advice to those of you struggling: find any new hobby (or old) so long as it is healthy. This will be your new hunt. If you don’t have a girlfriend – stop watching porn and go find the real thing. I promise you it is better. Porn does not love you like a real human being does. I started by going to the gym and trust me, it sucks at first. You aren’t gonna know what you’re doing but stick with it whatever it may be. Soon you’ll become a master.
One final thought –
I apologize for the long story but I just wanted to help those out that think there’s no hope. I failed many times before successfully getting to 90 days. I masturbated every once in a while, to just sensation and the potential real “mating” opportunities that could happen. NOT what I watched in porn.
Think of it this way, you can see more naked women in 5 seconds than your grandfather did in his life time. No wonder they have a genre for everything. Porn is evil, and takes away all that you can give it and it will give you nothing in return. If you watch every day, stop right now. If you watch every once in a while, stop right now.
If you made it this far, I appreciate you. I apologize for the novel.
Here’s to the next 90