My story so far includes trying to quit porn for quite a long time. I have always realised it to be a root cause of many problems I face.
Well today its been 30 days and one of the most tumultuous 30 days. In the start it felt great but soon the craving seeped in, flatline started and all those withdrawl symptoms. These things may be explained better by someone else.
What I can tell you though how I am different from what I was 30 days ago.
1. When I see a woman (sexy or otherwise) now, I don’t think porn but sex. Also, the eventuality of not being able to do so also doesn’t frustrate me. Likewise, failure has stopped being frustrating but a part of my daily routine.
2. I have started being more open with my thoughts. Well, earlier I would be scared for about 30min – 1hr a day while browsing porn and most of my thoughts had a tinge of vulgarity to it. But now I feel more confident in speaking my mind to anyone, instead of being afraid (or ashamed) of them.
3. I have become more self aware. Self awareness is a quality that comes through conscious self-introspection. I must admit that I used to do this earlier too, but to no end. Now when I feel uncomfortable about something that I have done, I don’t fap it away, rather I start working to improve myself in my own way. (I recommend not copying anyone else but being able to do things in your own style.)
3a. I am now aware when I am thinking sex and what direction my brain may take next. So I would catch myself having drifted to browsing sexy pictures, etc. This is a huge addition as I am now less distracted while working on internet.
4. More commitment. I can now better commit myself to an ardous task. I can say that I have more capability to be focused on a goal and giving my everything to achieve it. This feels like an accomplishment as the more number of tasks I complete, the more in confidence I grow.
5. Way of thinking towards women or life in general. I have realised that now, I am not looking towards women with an eventual goal of using a body part of them. I would be rather judging her by the qualities she possesses, as a person. This has extended to my daily routine, where process of a task has become no less important that the objectivity of it. Believe me, even this subtle change in perception can make a huge difference at how you behave and think around women or people in general or even alone.
I have had streaks earlier too but not this big. In my experience of the last 30 days, the biggest obstacle that I was giving in to was the thought that, “Since I don’t have an active social or sex life, how is this going to help me” and I would give in. (This is a trap. Just try to resist it for a few days and you will have a new one to face.) But sex life aside, my social life has immensely benefited and things are looking much more bright than earlier.
LINK – Changed my way of thinking