I lost my virginity for the first time this year at age 25, with my now wonderful GF. This was after over 10 years of consistent porn consumption and masturbation.
This girl is amazing, the exact type I always dreamed of, attractive, mature, sensitive, confident etc. Yet after so many years of fantasising about sex, I didn’t even cum the first 2 times we did it. I struggled to maintain an erection and my mind kept wandering and fantasising about other women.
I always knew porn wasn’t particularly good for you but it hit me so hard how it had completely warped my mind and body to the point where I was unable to properly engage in sex the way it’s meant to be enjoyed. For the first few months the only way I could stay hard/climax would be to think of other women in porn-like fantasies, knowing full well if I was doing it with somebody else than this girl (my GF) would be who I was thinking of and fantasising about. My brain was fucked and was entirely wired to be sexually aroused only through fantasises, despite having a beautiful, willing women in front of me.
Fast forward 6 months, and despite the odd slip up I’m pretty much porn/fap free. Living with this wonderful lady and our sex life is increasingly better the longer I go with no fap.
I get hard looking at her, when we are having sex I’m actually focused on her, her needs and enjoyment and what’s great is I don’t need to fantasise in order to cum anymore, it’s her and her alone that gets me off. There is a deep level of connection and Intimacy that sex brings and that porn destroys. I’m now more determined than ever not to let that addiction rob me of this beautiful part of the human experience.
Boys (and girls) whether you are in a relationship or not do not give up, keep fighting. Consider it an investment in your future sex life. i will still forever feel guilty knowing the first few months of my first sexual relationship was spent (in my mind) elsewhere but I’m so glad I cut out the poison that is pornography, I feel so free to enjoy sex the way I’m meant to.
Fight the good fight, don’t give up. It is worth it.