My dear friends and brothers here. I always wondered if there will ever come a day where I will be posting under the “success stories” forum. The day has come and I can’t believe it. This is my first post under “success stories” forum. 2019 was by far the most difficult year of my life and one of the very few things that gave me hope during this year was success stories I read here. So, I hope someone some day reading this will also get the required force and motivation to get out of the horrible web of porn.
I am 30 years old and started on porn at about age 15. As far as I remember, I started on high speed porn at about the age of 17. This means that I have been an addict for at least 12 years if you only count my PMO years on high speed internet porn. On average, I used to PMO for about 3-5 times a week, sometimes less sometimes more but never more than once in a single day.
I started only and only because of PIED. I seemingly had no other issues with porn. I was quite successful in studies during younger years and I have been quite successful in other areas of life as well after completing my studies. I used the word “seemingly” because now I have realized that porn was definitely affecting me in other areas of life without my realization. And I feel that more benefits are yet to come as I recover my brain and body from porn. I have read many accounts of long rebooters in which they saw improvements in their mind, bodies and overall life for upto two years after leaving porn.
I got married at the end of 2018. I was very much physically attracted to my wife and was looking forward to having abundant sex. Then came the first night and as you can already guess, I got no response from my buddy down there. That was quite shocking to me considering how horny I was in my mind about our marriage and finally getting the chance to have real physical sex with the girl I love. I thought that maybe anxiety or over excitement got to me and thus no response from my body. I definitely knew that I was not anxious or nervous at all but still your mind brings up some kind of justification to let it go. Then we went to honeymoon for 2 weeks and still my penis wouldn’t respond to advancements from my wife at all. 2 months passed and still no intercourse.
I didn’t PMO in these 2 months as well because I had decided to leave porn once I get married. At that time, I didn’t know the damages of porn or whether porn could be addiction. I just had decided that I should not be dependent upon pixels once I have a real physical girl with me.
Since I didn’t watch Porn or PMO in the first 2 months after marriage, I had unconsciously started my detox as well. I wish the recovery from PMO addiction could be that quick. So what happened after 2 months is that my body went into flatline. Not knowing at all, what is happening to my mind and body, I rushed to porn to check whether my system is still working. It was working indeed. I got erection from porn, could keep erection for long, had an orgasm.
Everything was just like old times except that now my wife was sleeping alone in the other room at 2am in the night without getting the physical connection she was supposed to get from her husband and everything that comes with it. My guilt was high but my mind kept telling me that its not my fault. In the third and fourth month of my marriage, my PMO sessions frequency was back to where it was before I got married. I buried the guilt of not having any sex at all with my wife for this much time and tried to go through my life normally. Despite no sex, our relationship went along. My wife was understanding and we both thought that my body need some time etc.
At the end of fourth month, my wife asked me that I should visit a doctor regarding this. This came as a total shock to me since it was clear that my wife is saying to me that there something physically wrong with me that needs to be sorted out. She was right but I tried my best to convince her that there is nothing wrong and she has seen that I get erections when I am asleep and able to orgasm through her hands.
This indeed turned to be a moment of change because after that long discussion with my wife, I googled, “Able to get erection with porn but unable to get it with a real physical girl”. The results that came through literally changed my life. In the following week, I read hundreds of accounts of different people on this website and others regarding PIED, porn addiction, brain rewiring, reboot, science behind this and what not. I let a HUGE sigh of relief, explained my wife the whole thing. Thankfully, she was really helpful and did her part of research as well regarding this and kept giving me new information here and there.
And now the real battle begins. I officially started my reboot on 30-Apr-2019. My reboot was “No Porn and No Masturbation”. We decided that we will continue the orgasm part through my wife giving handjob since orgasm itself is not the issue but Porn is. I had no idea what I signed up for until withdrawals hit me. In the first one to two months, I went through what they call acute withdrawals which hit you immediately. They were random body pains, stomach pain, insomnia, cravings etc.
The most difficult part is Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome or PAWS. They are psychological in nature and start after about 30-60 days. I am still going through PAWS as I write these words right now after 8 months. From what I have read, PAWS may continue for up to 2 years depending upon the severity of your addiction. I think PAWS are the most difficult obstacle in this journey and perhaps one of the biggest reason for relapse. Since they are psychological in nature, your life literally goes upside down. My PAWS include social anxiety, general anxiety, panic attacks for no reason, taking high stress for a very small thing, brain fog etc. As I said above, I am still going through PAWS and will write a separate post on PAWS.
People and youtubers don’t talk much about PAWS because people don’t want to hear about it. The 90 day reboot is not true at all as well for people like me who started on high speed internet porn at young age without any prior real sex experience. And the latest research on yourbrainonporn and long term rebooters have confirmed this. 90 day period “may” be true for people who started on high speed porn at a later stage in their life when their brain and body knew what real sex and real girl is. Sadly, the 90 day period does NOT apply to us AT ALL.
My PAWS went really bad after about 4 months into reboot. I don’t have words to depict what I went through because of my PAWS. Whether it is my work, or meeting with family/friends, you name it. It was a living HELL. My PAWS only starting getting better into my 7th month. Keyword here is better. People need to be aware what is coming at them so that they try to get themselves ready as much as possible.
After about six months into reboot (10 months into marriage), we tried to have intercourse but no success. I started getting some response from my penis but never strong enough and long enough for a successful intercourse.
After this, I asked my wife to not give me handjob as well. I decided to go hardmode from here onwards i.e. No porn, No masturbation and No Orgasm.
So guys and girls, after 2 months of hardmode and a total of 8 months reboot, I was able to have first intercourse of my life about 2 nights ago. In last 36 hours alone, I have had four intercourse with my wife. My penis gets erect very easily now and with full strength and I am also able to easily maintain my erection throughout the intercourse.
This is literally a dream come true for me after a very very long 1 Year.
Guys, we have literally destroyed ourselves, our bodies, our minds with this crap. Just imagine the agony of not being able to have sex for 1 year with the girl you love, you married and saw all those dreams with. I cannot even imagine going back to this toxic crap. And after you start having real sex, you can see how different and opposite porn is as compared to real sex. Porn creates a void in your soul, leaves your mind empty just craving for more. Sex is fulfilling and what our body and mind are designed for. I can just go on and on as to how much porn destroys you without your knowledge. And it is coming from a person who had no issues with porn at all before marriage.
If it wasn’t for PIED, my relationship with porn would have never ended. I NEVER thought that just seeing something could be an addiction and could have such horrible effects on your mind and body. Thankfully, my wife was very understanding, helpful and patient. A normal girl would have left me a long time ago. Abstinence from Porn needs to be your life style, PERIOD! I am not against counting days as it can be very helpful for some keeping track of their success in the beginning. But in the long term, porn doesn’t exist for you.
- Realize how harmful porn addiction is and what you’re doing to yourself. Realize that by leaving porn, you aren’t missing out on anything fun/good/exciting. Reading all the research, reboot accounts, nofap youtube channels and books in this regard is really helpful. I am attaching a book which I found really helpful.
- Leaving porn doesn’t only mean that you stop watching that particular content on screen. It means that you stop thinking about porn, stop imagining it, stop playing those scenes in your mind, stop imagining it when you orgasm or masturbate without porn. Even when you imagine or recreate scenes from porn in your mind, for brain, its like you are watching porn. You are only going to prolong your reboot further by doing this. I read this somewhere and I feel it really sped up the rebooting process for me in last 3 months. I know this is really tough in the beginning but with practice and time, it will get easier.
- Be very careful about the stuff you watch especially during your reboot. In real life or otherwise. The hot photos on social media, insta, facebook, random websites. The content you watch on tv, movies, seasons and what not. Stop watching anything that may act as a trigger for you. Besides trigger, this will also make your reboot longer and painful. After your successful reboot, you need to make it a lifestyle. Watching random hot bikini babes on pixels is doing no good to your mind.
- Find hobbies. Believe me, the extra time and energy you get after leaving this crap, needs to be put into something useful very quickly. Whether it is hitting the gym you have been procrastinating for years, or seeking a real life girl, or improving your skills in some areas or reading a book or meditation. Whatever it is, it needs to start asap after you start your reboot.
- Learn about withdrawals esp PAWS and how to go through them. Get ready to go through a difficult phase during reboot but KNOW what lies ahead. KNOW that it is temporary and a much better life awaits you on the other end. The longer you delay your reboot process, the lesser the quality of life will be and eventually the more painful the reboot process. This is emergency. Whoever and wherever you are, you have got to start your journey NOW.
- I have also gotten very close to GOD during this time so this point is for those who believe there is a Creator out there who made us and everything. Get close to God. For Muslim Fapstronauts, start reading and understanding Quran immediately. The code to success has already been given by our Creator. Start praying 5 times a day to begin with. For all others, get close to God, speak to God who is in your heart all the time. I know if you truly approach Him, your journey will become easier.
I hope my above post may help someone out there trying to get out of this vicious porn trap. Just don’t get disheartened if your reboot is taking a long time. I got really down after 7 months into my reboot when I was still not recovered from PIED and PAWS were killing me. Just then I read some of the accounts here: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/por…-erectile-dysfunction-is-taking-way-too-long/
And it gave me motivation to push on. And now fast forward 30 days and I have recovered from PIED for life. FOREVER. Just imagine if I had given up at that time and stopped believing or relapsed???? I can’t even begin to imagine how lost I would have been then. Just know and realize that this is the only way forward. Besides PIED, porn is also a major reason of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, anhedonia or other brain related conditions in our generation. You only get to know the difference when you throw this poison out of your body, brain, soul and life for forever! May God bless you all.
LINK – PIED cured after 8 months!