It feels surreal to finally be here. I looked back at my first post and it was a great reminder of the pit I was in. So many failed attempts and relapses. My fetish was ruling my life. To be honest I never thought I would get here. And I realise now that I was too scared to quit. Relapsing was comfortable and numbing, and it helped block out the pain of loneliness and a lack of excitement in my life.
As of right now, I don’t see myself every relapsing again. I feel that that is an old part of me. I don’t even want to go back. I have had little urge to. Every time I think of porn, I see the arousing images in my head, but what comes along with it are the thoughts of anxiety, hopelessness, disgust and shame. But I do know I must stay vigilant because porn addiction is cunning and it sneaks up on you. And 100 days is nothing compared to the rest of your life.
I write this post because I want to say to anyone reading this that the superpowers will never come. It will not cure your social anxiety, remove your virginity, make you fit etc. When I quit for like three weeks, and I still felt the same, I relapsed. If nothing changes, nothing changes. But I also want to say I have not fully quit and I feel weird giving ‘tips’ but after 100 days I feel like maybe someone would like to hear something from me in a time of need.
Quitting will however free up time, remove PIED, remove your fetishes and you will feel great mental freedom. Women are more attractive now and I feel more normal. I feel like my mind is slowly resetting. I don’t think of the fetishes much anymore.
If anyone reads this, my big tips are: exercise, good diet and getting rid of toxic environments/activities/friends. I cut out all of the toxic bullshit and it helped me reinforce the idea in my head that I was turning a new leaf. A badge, posting/commenting regularly and NOT PEEKING are huge as well.
Exercise was huge because it was actually easy to do and the muscle made me feel more confident. You don’t even have to go a gym. You can just use pushups, ab workouts, squats and lunges and more, right on the floor in your home. All that is stopping you is you.
They all sound generic and are repeated all the time. But they are repeated for good reason.
Now my next step to finally kill this is to fix my depression and loneliness. I used porn to cope with it and block it out, and it was scary to quit and face the feelings. But now they are here and there is nothing to block it.
Depression/loneliness/social anxiety has been my REAL problem all along and I have come to this epiphany finally. I am a friendless, awkward virgin who hid away from the world with porn and stupid excuses. It is hard to say but there it is. Find what is behind your addiction and it will help. Thanks if anyone actually read this. Even if no one does I just wanted to make a post for myself at least. That is something I also learnt. Stop doing stuff all the time to impress/appease others and start to do things that make you happy.
Most importantly good luck to everyone fighting and I wish you all the best – it is hard to hide this pain from everyone and for it to not be treated seriously at times, but it is serious and never let anyone else tell you how YOU feel/should feel.
LINK – 100 days