My personal story with porn addiction is pretty basic, on and off. I won’t bore you to death with that. Here is just my knowledge that seems to work after three years of battling the addiction. (Note that all of these depend on each other).
1. Manage stress
The snake will most often show up after a stressful day, with other problems getting ahead of you. It will offer you sweet escape for minutes, even hours. But everytime you give in, you weaken yourself, you lose, addiction wins. So be prepared. If you know that you’ll have a stressful time ahead, I’ll say it simple: EMPTY YOURSELF. Masturbate (without porn ofcourse) once, twice the day before your stressful time begins. Then, when you come home tired, stressed, maybe even angry, you face only one challenge instead of two: Your addiction. Your natural urge to procreate will not be amplifying your addiction.
2. Train your mind
This might be the most difficult thing of all and it is what I struggle with the most myself. It is different things you’ll have to do every day which will depend largely on your personality. It is also intertwined with training your body, so forgive me if I make a messy argument here.
– Stairs not elevators (Discipline)Why? Everytime you choose to take the stairs over the elevator, you choose to do what is harder, you choose not to be comfortable. The more you do this, the more you teach your mind to say “NO” to the easy, convenient thing. Porn is also easy and convenient, learn how to resist it by training your mind in similar ways. It is not just stairs, don’t go for fast food, cook yourself. Do the dishes, not later, right now. Walk, don’t take the car or bus.
– Clean your room (lobsterboy)
Having a clean, well organised space you live in will magically also help your mind to be more productive because you’ll minimize distractions and obstacles that keep you from getting things done. It will be easier to stay disciplined. Set a specific day where you clean, at least once a week. Throw everything you don’t need away or put it in boxes, hide it away on the attic. If you have so much stuff that it impedes you from cleaning, you’ll most likely skip cleaning, feel bad about yourself and then you’ll want to escape this messy, depressing room your in with porn, most likely.
– Read good books before bed
Learn about the world, expand your horizon, challenge your mind with new ideas. This will distract you and take additional time away from your day in which you could watch porn. Reading before bed will also get you away from the computer (Porn portal of doom), it will make you more tired because you’re not exposed to blue light and it will be easier falling asleep. (Some recommendations: The way of the superior man, The golden rule, Enlightened sex, 12 rules for life, The Gulag Archipelago, Man’s search for meaning or anything by Viktor Frankl)
– Talk to your best friends
About all the things that plague your mind. This will help relieve stress and anxiety which will make porn less attractive for escaping your problems. It can also help you if you are accountable to someone. Also more time away from home.
– Remind yourself daily why you want to quit
I “relapsed” several times because I bullshited myself into believing that porn is not bad because everyone uses it, I convinved myself I could have a healthy relationship to it. I absolutely, 100% can not, it is stronger than me, it gets out of hand every time. Quitting is the only option for me. My biggest reason was that I just didn’t find real sex enjoyable anymore. Porn was more exciting than real sex, which is ridiculous if you just think about it for one second. Also, I wasn’t able to last as long as I used to, which was strange to me because as you get older you should be more experienced, more calm and have better sex right?
– If you relapse, forget about it quickly
Asess what went wrong, then just get back on track. Don’t dwell on it, don’t think you have destroyed all your progress (you have not!) Increase your efforts, remind yourself why you’re in this mess. Most smokers have to try a lot of times before they succeed. With porn it is the same as with every addiction. It is not likely that you’ll quit on your first try because YOU CAN’T QUIT, YOU FIRST HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO QUIT!
3. Train your body
Your body is not a separate thing from your mind. It is also your mind. Your mind can teach your body but your body can also teach your mind. That is when you learn fine motor skills, learn playing an instrument, learn how to properly squat and deadlift. Most people overcomplicate this, go to the gym, lift heavy things and then climb stairs until you are exhausted. Every time you go, you aim for improvement, seeking your limit. You should be really tired in the evening.
So why will this help you combat porn addiction?
– It builds discipline, it trains your mind to do hard and uncomfortable tasks.It doesn’t really matter what sport you choose, I recommend barbell strength training but it could be combat sports, yoga, rowing, cycling, climbing, swimming, running hills etc. FIND SOMETHING YOU ENJOY because otherwise you won’t stick to it. Aim for improvement in every training, increase workload, weight, time, improve technique, don’t workout, TRAIN !
– Less free time in “the danger zone”Say you hit the gym 4x a week: This will be 4-6 hours of your free time a week where you won’t be at home, bored, fighting the urge.
– It will make you **more self confident.**Getting yourself between a barbell loaded with a heavy weight and the floor is dangerous, menacing. But you’ll prevail, it will take months to learn proper technique, but you’ll learn, it will take years for you to be really strong, but you’ll make it eventually. All of this will CHANGE YOU. (Note that “heavy” is always relative, for a beginner, 60kg IS HEAVY on squats.)
– The best thing is, it will also make you more attractive,to woman and men alike, physically as well as mentally because confidence is very important for finding a mate. You’ll have more dates, more relationships, more sex = Less time to watch porn. (This can also be your primary goal, worked for me, A LOT !).
– You’ll make new friends who have the right mindset.Go to a gym or sports club where people have the right mindset about training, which is: being smart and disciplined. You will meet inspirational people that you can learn from, you will improve your social skills and get more comfortable being around strangers, especially hot girls (the end boss for your confidence so to speak..)
– You’ll be more likely to **eat healthy.**All the sugar, the bad fats, the crap that is in our processed food makes us tired, weak and our guts inflammed. Your hard work in the gym does VERY LITTLE if you don’t eat right, so by training, you’ll be more inclined to clean up your diet which will give you a longer, better more enjoyable life. Inflammation is also closely linked to depression but look that up yourself. Oh and you’ll also have to learn how to cook, which will take free time away from your day during which you could look at porn.
I could go on how much of a positive effect (strength) training will have on your life but I think you see the picture on how it can help you overcome PORN ADDICTION.
I hope this helps.
Cheers and good luckA.A.
PS: I think NoFap works too but it’s like with diet. If it is too harsh on your system, you won’t be able to sustain it. PornFree is more sustainable, masturbation can be perfectly healthy and therefore I would recommend it.
LINK- My two cents after 3 years of struggle
By AaronArdor
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