50 days down! I never thought I’d be at this point. I owe this all to my beautiful fiance for never giving up on me. I’ll be honest, I’ve been dragging lately. My energy has declined and I’m looking for a boost. I don’t know if this is due to a flatline, or if this is because of genuinely being so busy lately. I’ve been working 60+ hours a week preparing to close on a house in January, and also preparing for my wedding that’s coming up very very soon. My calendar looks like a messy game of battleship.
A few positives I’ve found from this:
– I feel closer to God now, and feel that he is forgiving me, and truly watching over me again.
– My Fiancé and I have never felt closer. I see her more intimately than ever before. I truly understand loving someone more every day.
– I wake up feeling like I’ve slept, instead of waking up feeling like I barely closed my eyes.
– My conscience feels clearer than ever before. I feel guilty for all that I’ve watched, but I feel that it’s finally out in the open.
– I just cleared out all of my personal debt as of today too! So now all my savings will go to the new home!
Thank you all for your kind words in my previous posts. I hope all is well with everyone else’s adventures. I look forward to the future more than ever.
A big issue with myself was that I never learned to truly manage my emotions in times of personal struggle. I wanted to be numb instead of letting them pass. So I am actively working to understand that having emotions is not a bad thing.
A few things I’ve done to defeat temptation are,
– Having my partner aware of my addiction so that I’m held accountable by her. The thought of disappointing her is overwhelming, especially now that everything is out in the open and she knows all
– I stopped bringing my phone with me when I am in the bathroom. This is where I have most of my temptations, and where I used to use. I force myself to leave it and all device out of the bathroom and I let the urges pass
– I deleted almost all social media. No more instagram, snapchat, etc. None except a little bit of Facebook. I unfriended anyone who would share anything that would spark temptation, and I unfollowed groups that posted anything that would spark temptation.
– I set screen time limits on my phone so that if something like Facebook (or anything unproductive or resourceful) is opened for more than 30 minutes a day, it locks me out. This limits my time online and forces me to be in reality.
I hope some of these ideas help!