Hi Gary,
I would like to share with you something happened to me recently. You can give example with my story, but please do not use my name. I prefer to be anonymous.
After I was aware of all the negative consequences from porn I could not stop it. I was experiencing erectile dysfunction, losing jobs, failed exams and disconnection from the real world. Despite that I could not stop porn completely. I only decreased PMO sessions for the last years.
I read the book written by David Lay – Ethical porn for dicks. He wrote in there if you feel porn devastating your live you should stop it. If you cannot you need to accept the porn in your live by way it not devastating it. Or something like that. I had many attempts to stop it. All failed. My longest period without PMO was 17 days in 2018. I was on ski trip in Alps, Austria. I had a single room in the hostel, but it could not be locked. You understand.
Till recently. Something really radically happened to me. Since February 2020 my penis developed severe Phimosis, Paraphimosis and Balanitis. I completed surgery on October 19, 2020. I know two reasons for this condition. They are:
– Diabetes type two. There is a lot of glucose in my urine. This is prerequisite.
– I have two sex toys. I am using them sometimes. This is prerequisite for a pollution.
After this surgery I am different man. I had a lot of pain in my penis. Because of my Diabetes the operation wound still cannot be closed, 3 weeks after the surgery. I had daily very painful procedures. I still have them.
I even cannot think about porn and masturbation. I have zero libido and desire for porn. I even cannot imagine how I will masturbate in the future. I feel I had chemical castration.
From one side I am sad because my manhood instrument is very damaged. From other side I have never been happier. This surgery very radically solved my addiction.
I can look at the things from other angles. I see how senseless and devastating is PMO. The doctor told me to not expect, and to avoid, masturbation 2-2.5 months after the surgery. Of course I tried yesterday, but it was completely impossible. I felt a lot of pain and I could not get an erection, despite of the hottest virtual stuff I had prepared.
I feel re-born. My mind is so clear without PMO. I have so much energy and motivation for work and good things. I am so thankful to God I passed through this surgery.
Finally, I would like to share you something happened to me at the end of last summer of 2020. I have two friends who are recovered Heroin addicts. They are clear for more than 10 years. Now they have stable jobs, families and kids.
They told me that the success rate is 1 to 10. They brought me to rehab one day. They are still working there and helping to recovering heroin addicts. They let me to speak about my porn addiction.
At first everybody was laughing at me. They said “Dude how you think porn can be even considered as an addiction? This is completely ridiculous.” After I told them some of my stories they became serious. Some of them said: “Dude your case is worse than ours.” One smart looking dude said something like:
Porn addiction can be even worse than drugs addiction due to the following fact. Your body definitely does not need Heroin to exist. However, it needs things like, love, sex, bonding. It seems you cannot get them by the regular way. Porn is pretty corrupted and non-standard method. This makes you vulnerable. This drug will not kill you, but it will interrupt your perception of the real world. It will make you half men. It will cause problems with your relationships.
I hope my penis will be recovered from the Phimosis surgery soon. I hope I will use it in a healthy way in the future. During the time it is out of order I have time for rest and to think how unhealthy and damaged is porn addiction. How each day without porn is winning a small battle.
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Hey Gary,
I would like to add some thoughts of mine to the story.
I feel so weird. My penis seems shorter, but fatter than before. I even can not think and imagine erection. Honestly my daily procedures are less and less painful. I feel the things slowly getting back to normal.
However, I feel very happy. Finally, I can feel life without PMO. I can feel the freedom. I have never imagined before I will have more than 20 days without it. I perceive girls differently. My attention and thinking are sharper than ever. I feel a lot of energy and motivation. When I turn back I see the trap of porn addiction I was in.
Gary it will be great honor for me to post my story in YBOP. I think it deserves the attention of your audience.
[Private correspondence with Gary Wilson]
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