So, I started in No Fap September, only for that extra incentive to keep going, because I already wanted to do this. It was easier than I thought! The first 2 weeks were harsh, but then it got easier. I was pretty addicted to PMO, so it was a huge win for me that month, and even more of a win when I compare this to my friends, who are huge addicts too.
But why stop there? I kept going and going, to test myself and to keep getting the benefits of it. A LOT of mental conflicts were going on at the time, and some days ago (from now) I realized I got home and masturbated to hide from the shit I had to deal with in my head, and No Fap allowed me to think about these things. It helped me a whole feckin lot. These things were consuming me slowly..
So, how the fuck did I relapse? A friend of mine posted a picture of herself only on a bra (is that a bra?) on the WhatsApp status. She has a lot of problems in accepting her body (she says she’s fat) and it’s only because all girls right now are skinny and small, she’s not fat or anything, I always told her that. But this time, I looked at the picture and thought “MY GOD she is fucking hot”. Instinctively I looked at that picture a lot yesterday before sleep, having thoughts that in the start were fine, but were getting more “spicy”. I woke up today with a big boner. It wasn’t one of the ones that fade away once you wait a little. And these thoughts about her started to come again. I thought I needed to go “number 2” in the bathroom, and it helped me with boners sometimes, so I went. Well I think my mind just tricked me, I didn’t want to 2 in the bathroom. With spicy thoughts, a boner that wouldn’t fade away and someone who just woke up and couldn’t think straight… You know what happened. At least I didn’t watch porn. I think it’s less bad.
I am pretty disappointed. I really wanted to keep going until Xmas. But let’s think positive, right? These 107 days have helped me A LOT with these mental conflicts and gave me a lot of self esteem too. You guys have no idea how huge this was for me. And I am pretty surprised! For someone that is under 18 (beep boop hormone alarm), who was addicted, had tried before and the max was 14 days, and has friends that are all addicted (except for one) – 107 is pretty decent.
I will keep going. A fresh start at it. A new challenge? Accepted. I think I will be able to keep going as if I didn’t even stop. But let’s see. I got a lot to do and won’t let PMO disrupt me.
Don’t relapse guys, it’s not worth it. The sensation is horrible.
[Benefits?] Yes, a lot of benefits. I will list some for you later. Basically lately I have been having a little more urges than I’d normally have, and that combined with the picture and me having just woken up and thus not thinking straight caused me to relapse. I am between 14-18, I won’t reveal the exact age.
The benefits aren’t very visible because they come slowly, so you won’t wake up one day and be like “whoa dude wtf I feel like a god”. Unlike other people, I won’t say you become a superhuman or anything, I’ll be honest with ya.
- Self-Esteem: this comes in a very “slight” way. You want to do things more, you stop something and immediately think what you’re gonna do next. Basically I noticed I plan better my day and want to procrastinate less, and wanted to do more stuff.
- Confidence: this isn’t very big actually. I noticed I am more “proud” of myself and confident, but this is partly because of things other than No Fap.
- Relation with girls: this is very odd. I thought that without PMO I would start to get very horny and want to hit on all girls, but it turned out the complete opposite. You stop being that horny fag that dreams of having sex all day. I noticed also that I am able to figure out if I like a girl or not much better, since I don’t hide any affection in masturbation (like, you start liking someone and you masturbate to “feed” the feeling and censor it). Girls starting to like you or something doesn’t have anything to do with No Fap. If somehow this looks bad for you, trust me, it’s veeeery good.
- Dealing with issues: this is huge. Since you abstain from free pleasure, you can’t really hide that well from your problems. This is bad if you don’t change your mindset on them and try to solve them. Basically conflicts will be more evident because you can’t shut them down with dopamine (they won’t necessarily “hurt” you more), and so you are able to face them with a much clearer vision of what’s going on. This won’t be useful if you don’t try to solve the conflicts, but it incentivizes you to do so.
- Auto-control: you are able to control your feelings and let them affect you less, having the same effect as the last topic- you can get out of the “eye of the storm” that are those feelings and try to understand them. I think this comes because of the control you need to have of yourself to stop the urges to PMO. Of course this doesn’t make it so you don’t feel things, but it does mean you can control, “see” them better.
- Lazyness: man wtf. I became muuuuch less lazy when I started doing no fap. The difference is just crazy.
- Sleep: you simply enjoy more your sleeping and pretty much sleep better.
- Just a feeling of accomplishment in general: well, you did something amazing that not many man can do. Seeing all those benefits and being proud of yourself for pushing hard against your addiction is awesome. I felt destroyed when I realized I relapsed. But don’t let the possibility of bad feelings coming when you relapse stop you from trying. It’s so worth it.
Some of these things might not be because of No Fap, but because I solved a lot of problems I had since September and my life just got better in general. But analyzing the benefits and what happened to my life, I think I can see a clear correlation.
LINK – Day 107 Relapse
By snipaxkillo
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