Back in the beginning of the year I found out about the NoFap community and thought it was a great idea but I bookmarked the forum and went about my usual PMO life. Then I had a dream about a girl, noting sexual but it got me thinking…if I ever want to love someone, I have to stop loving myself first. I knew that I had to kick the habit right then. So I hit up the forum and started finding out about Your Brain On Porn and watched some videos and it was an epiphany moment for me. I had no idea how this addiction was effecting my brain and it scarred the crap out of me.
So I started thinking about my approach. Of course I had tried to quit PMO other times through various Christian forums but nothing really worked. I had tried the “willpower” approach which collapsed around week 2(my longest previous streak). I saw a thread where someone was trying to find a desktop counter for their computer so that they could count their streak without it always being attached to their signature. I thought this was a great idea to have something that’s right there when you are on the computer reminding you of your progress. So I took it a bit further…what if it was literally on my desk, I could even build something out of…Legos. I love Legos and still collect them so why not. It could be a visual reminder of what I’m literally building towards. Below is my completed mosaic.
This is a method that I highly recommend everyone at least trying. Maybe you don’t use Legos but you use coins in a jar or something…anything to help you track your progress that will have a stronger consequence if you relapse than simply a number on a screen that changes.
Fast forward 100 days and here I am. What is life like with a rebooted mind? The biggest changes I’ve noticed are in my confidence, my view of women and lack of guilt. I use to feel really guilty at church in particular. Being around everyone who thinks I’m a nice Christian guy not knowing that I’m a porn addict and undressing women with my eyes in the middle of church. But now, that guilt is gone. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I also notice a boost in my confidence. More specifically my confidence in confrontation. Lastly, my view of women has greatly changed. While I don’t find myself undressing women with my eyes, I do still have a tendency to somewhat objectify them which I’m working on still. However, I will say that the way I see women is drastically changed for the better.
I can take no credit for getting myself to this point. Apart from Christ I can do nothing. All praise goes to him alone! I am so grateful to Christ for getting me this far. The way I see it, this is only the beginning of the rest of my life without PMO.