So when you look at it objectively I guess I was technically sexually abused. My dad kept a very large collection of playboy magazines in a couple of cardboard boxes in the master bedroom closet. I don’t know what initiated it but my sister who was 6 and half years older than me thought it would be fun to show me the magazines. Honestly I could have been younger than 6. I don’t really remember this period of my life very well. I don’t remember any physical abuse and I really don’t think any took place. I don’t think my sister had any ill intent. I think she just wasn’t very smart and thought it would be interesting to see how I would react to it. Well I enjoyed looking at them. It didn’t really feel sexual but over the summer, every day when my parents were working, she would select a magazine and she would thumb through it with me inspecting the pages.
This happened many times for one summer and then again the following year. I think it stopped after 2 years. If I remember correctly she said she didn’t want to do it anymore but at that point the cat was out of the bag. It wasn’t very long after that, that I discovered my dad’s hardcore videos. I also started masturbating around this period. My technique was pretty weird and I couldn’t ejaculate but I could definitely bring myself to orgasm. My mom had some kind of plug in massage tool and I discovered it felt amazing to masturbate with.
Over the course of my teenage years I watched pretty much as much porn as I wanted. By the time I was 13 I had my own computer with internet access and discovered how to download videos. That’s probably when I started to form preferences.
I didn’t have any problems with sexual function that I noticed until about 23. That was the age I got my first smart phone. I just put that together earlier today. I was definitely experience some other problems related to porn. It was difficult for me to feel very aroused with my girlfriend. We were still able to have sex but it wasn’t very frequent and I usually felt like it wasn’t as good as porn.
Eventually I found myself with the woman I married. When I met her at 26 I was already experiencing PIED. I had no idea what was going on. She was gorgeous, and just my type but I couldn’t get aroused with her. I was still able to masturbate but my erections weren’t very firm. After 7 years of marriage my sexual function ebbed and flowed. For the most part we were usually able to have sex but the last several months I basically lost my ability to maintain an erection firm enough to have sex with.
I started to scour the internet and discovered PIED. I had never heard of it. I read for hours. I then watched hours of video by Noah Church on youtube. All of a sudden everything made some much sense. I stopped watching porn immediately. It’s definitely crossed my mind to PMO but I am not tempted to watch at all because I am convinced that it is the cause of my sexual disfunction. For a little perspective, I’m 6’4, about 220 lbs and I eat a whole foods plant based diet. I’m not super lean but I’m not particularly overweight or in bad shape at all. I have no obvious reason for physical dysfunction and I have no other health problems that I am aware of.
Since stopping porn, my libido has gone WAY up. I was completely unable to masturbate without porn for the first 3 weeks. After about a week of not masturbating I started to feel very interested in sex. I wasn’t able to maintain an erection but could definitely climax from oral sex and my wife was happy to oblige.
When I discovered PIED I talked to her about it and it turns out she is experiencing the women’s equivalent. She has now stopped watching porn as well. We have consistency had a sexual encounter at least every 3 days for the last 2 weeks which is more frequent than we have ever had sex in our 7 years together.
Last week I was able to masturbate without porn. I’ve been able to push my orgasms back longer each time we have a sexual session. The experience no longer feels like a means to an end, but a fun sexual experience to draw out and enjoy. I started experiencing morning wood last week and while we still haven’t had sex (she started her period a couple of days ago and doesn’t like sex on her period) my erections have been firmer than I ever remember them being.
Sex used to cause me anxiety but now I am just occasionally day dreaming about fucking my wife. It’s amazing. I had no idea what I was doing to myself. I wasted so much time. I’m thankful that I found PIED and eager to feel like I’m over the hardest parts of overcoming it. Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear anyone’s insights if you have any.