Here’s an account by a man who made an experiment after two and a half years without porn or porn fantasy.
I started porn at 12. I’m 24 now. My brain didn’t have the chance to develop normally with regard to sex. My sexuality developed with the help of the porn, not real women.
Recently I realized how big the big picture actually was. Porn twisted my brain in many ways, ways that surpass my boldest imagination. I’m sure it was porn because I made few simple tests that proved it.
Because I stopped watching porn for about 2 and a half years, my brain has now activated most of its normal functions the way nature planned them to work. Before that I didn’t know what normal was, because I had never experienced it. I’m discovering now, what is normal and how my brain is actually supposed to work. The feeling is great.
I’ll divide my brain functions in two categories, Porn Reality (PR) – where my brain works the old way, influenced by porn, and Normal Reality (NR) – where my brain works the way it’s supposed to work, the way nature made it.
I would also like to add that what I will say is valid for me, but I doubt it will be valid for everybody, since not everybody started porn at 12. My porn network in the brain may be bigger and affecting bigger areas than other’s networks.
The Experiment:
Now that I was back in balance, I wanted to observe very, very carefully every single change that occurs in my reality when the PR takes charge. To make the experiment I simply I masturbated using memories of porn. I remembered enough so that it was almost like watching the real thing. (Of course it was less damaging and safer without the real stimuli).
The first thing I noticed is that the simple fact that I was observing sex, instead of doing it, was turning on some other network in my brain from the usual sexual one. The feeling was just different. I’m almost sure that observing sex and reaching orgasm and having sex and reaching orgasm activate very different brain regions. Both actions may use some common brain functions, some basic ones, but they also use some entirely different networks. In each case, you reach orgasm, but you reach this orgasm in a different way, activating the brain differently.
So, if your entire life you only observe and get excited from somebody else having sex, this activity will develop very different networks from having real sex. The orgasms are going to be different and the overall feeling is going to be different. Plus you develop your voyeur instinct to new levels. After all, you become what you do.
Afterward, even when having real sex, you may activate the voyeur network because it got confused with the normal sexual network (where you aren’t suppose to observe). The normal sexual network most likely won’t work the way it’s supposed to work. It will work in a deviated way, and that’s bad, because it’s not giving you the sensations you are supposed to get by default.
So, in my experiment imagining porn as I climaxed, I got the odd feeling of observing somebody else having sex. It was still exciting, though in a different way. I felt a rush of adrenaline and I became very active and attentive. My brain was recalling its former response. I guess it’s like taking a heroin dose after some years of abstinence. I also felt, “I need more of that!“ No matter what, I wanted more. It was very, very odd pleasure—not the pure pleasure and satisfaction I feel from sex. The excitement was rather narcotic, making your anxious if you don’t get more.
After I finished, I noticed something else: I didn’t receive any real satisfaction. It was odd. It was like a release of energy, something intense. But the way satisfaction works in the brain is, I guess, more complex. There’s more to it than just an intense release of energy. Instead of feeling satisfied, the moment I finished, I needed more. It just wasn’t enough. I didn’t feel the feeling I get after sex, of calmness and relaxation. I just wanted more and I was very fixated on the idea of observing. I wanted to get aroused from observing other people having sex (or at least to watch/observe a women) without actually interacting. The network that usually makes me want have sex wasn’t active. I wanted to watch instead of making love (just as I had for years).
In short, my porn reality (PR) was fully activated. Now, I just wanted to observe carefully to see what the brain had to offer in such a state. All effects of my porn-reality experiment went fully away in a week. During that week, here’s what I noticed was different compared to normal reality.
More Observations
After my experiment, I felt anxiety the entire day. Random porn pictures and scenes just showed up in my mind. I had absolutely no control over that; it was automatic.
My creativity was absolutely gone!! I felt like a robot. Usually when in Normal reality (NR), I sit in front of my piano and start playing. I can improvise nicely. Now, I sat in front of the piano and just stared…an empty stare. I played some tones from memory, but remarkably, I couldn’t CREATE anything. The brain functions responsible for creation of new things were just not working!
I also tried to write an essay. It was absolute disaster. My thoughts just wouldn’t run smoothly enough, as they do when I’m in NR. It’s as if they were blocked. PR also disabled my ability to crack jokes and make other people laugh. Usually I’m very good at that. It happens automatically, but now when I was around people, it was odd. I perceived reality in another way. I didn’t sense the subtle things. I couldn’t create any humor from situations. I couldn’t crack a random joke. Something was missing. My brain wasn’t getting enough information from the external environment for me to be funny.
My ability to solve complex mathematical problems was also very impaired. In NR, I don’t have any problems with that. Furthermore my ability to read text, comprehend everything, remember it well and recreate it was impaired. I just couldn’t do that. I tried, but it was like 50% worse than in NR. My memory was skipping details; my attention was fleeing from the text; and it was all out of my control. Also, the ability to express myself with language was poor. In NR, I’m quite talkative and interested in other people. I initiate conversation; I want to hear about others’ problems. I talk a lot. I understand. I can offer help and feel good about it.
In PR…sheesh, I am as dumb as f**k. All these skills are gone. I just stand there. I hear others talking, but I have no interest. I hear words, but their words don’t activate the brain functions they should activate. It’s like their words hit a wall. I become very selfish; I don’t care about others. I don’t want to talk. I don’t feel pleasure from communication. I don’t smile when I talk. I may reproduce information in order for somebody to understand me, but it’s far from normal communication, or feeling good from it.
In PR, women turned into something that could give me pleasure—into talking pieces of meat that could ease my sexual tension. I didn’t want to get to know them, didn’t even want to talk to them. When I was attracted, I just wanted, immediately, as quickly as possible, to have sex. I just needed her body. I looked at women entirely from the sexual perspective. In PR, I don’t experience normal relationship, not only with girls, but even with my friends…even with my family.
In a nutshell, in PR, I cannot feel real pleasure from anything except porn (where the pleasure is drug-like rather than real). Many functions that usually provide comfort were heavily suppressed or entirely disabled. For example, my abilities to prioritize, focus, organize, plan, understand and sort my emotions, work under stress.
On top of that my reward and motivation system wasn’t functioning correctly if it was functioning at all, and that’s one of the most basics things we need to succeed in life and feel good about ourselves. I’m sure these changes were due to the porn experiment because, soon afterward, this same reward and motivation system changed back and started working.
During the time spent in PR I felt empty. I felt as if there was a mist in my brain and something was constantly keeping me alert, even when I didn’t want it to. It felt like a mechanism in the brain for anticipation. I had received “a dose,” and now my brain was alert and waiting for more. This sense of anticipation held me for 3 days.
On the 5th day after the masturbation to porn memories, the PR began to go away. I said to myself. “O thank you god!” (I’m an atheist.) Finally, my brain relaxed and all functions were coming back to normal. I could take a deep breath and feel some pleasure from doing it. I felt calm. After about 3 days, I regained all of my normal functions 100%.
Some interesting facts about sex in Porn Reality and Normal Reality:
PR SEX – I focus entirely on body parts. Everything is very visual. My main aim is to reach orgasm. The woman is like an object satisfying my needs. The feeling while having sex is odd, not the same one as in NR. It’s like a drug feeling. What I feel is only intense energy and need for release. Other sensations are almost blocked. The whole sex act consists mainly of penetration. After sex, I want more. I don’t feel satisfied at all, and feel a bit nervous and anxious.
NR SEX – I focus on the person. I focus less on the visual and body parts. I feel the woman differently. I enjoy every single tender touch we exchange. I’m very patient; I enjoy the moment. I feel relaxed, calm every second. My senses are more open to external stimuli. I don’t want to reach orgasm, but to enjoy the whole act and the nice feelings. The experience lacks the intense drug-like feeling of sex in PR. The whole sex act consists of many, many details that I’m unable to notice and enjoy in PR. My senses are more open. I don’t feel anxious. Afterward, I’m completely satisfied, relaxed and happy.
Final thoughts
From the age of about 14 until I stopped porn, I was in PR. This caused a lot of damage—a lot of damage to my development as a person, and a lot of wrong ideas about how life works, how to handle situations, etc. It was as if I was very handicapped. I suspect this scenario would be valid not only for porn but for whatever addiction.
With suppressed and disabled brain functions, my perception of women, sex, personal relationships, life, actually everything and my productivity as a whole weren’t normal.
The recovery process was hard for me. Before I recovered, I experienced all the possible symptoms of typical porn addicts: anxiety all the time, erectile dysfunction in real sex only, OCD, lack of desire for most things in my life, and creepy porn tastes that have since disappeared. As I recovered, I had to learn everything as if I were a baby exploring the world—a 20-year old baby. That’s pain.
I felt immature and stuck at the age when my addiction started. Now, I feel all right and mature. There is no difference between me and other people I consider mature. I needed 3 years to achieve that, however. Stopping porn was just the beginning for me, just one of the many things that helped. I was also put into a working environment where I was with a lot of people. A lot of team work was required and non-stop thinking. That helped a lot, as did constant communication with people. Having a girlfriend has also helped.
If you started porn later in your life, or your brain is not the addictive type of brain and not so sensitive to hardcore stimulation, the effects may be different and less harmful. However, this was my experience.
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