Thoughts about confidence (and overcome shyness)

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LINK- Thoughts about confidence (and overcome shyness)

I wanted to make this post because so many guys have self-esteem and confidence problems. I hope this will help and motivate you to become persons that you want to be. I would call that as "true you".

When i was young and in my teens (now i'm 29) i got bullied badly. My self-esteem was zero, i was unhappy, shy, afraid of social situations and i was thinking that i was and will always be a looser. I was unpopular guy (you can think about some unpopular guy in your school. I was like that). I had some friends, even few popular, confident ones but i wasn't like them.

Now i would say that i'm confident, high self-esteem and cool guy. My view about my self is totally different than what it was in my teens. Now i will enjoy being in social situations.

First topic: Shyness. I was shy around new people and i didn't talk much. Around friends i was more relaxed, but still socially reserved and i was always thinking what i can say. For me shyness was really another word for fear. I was afraid that if i tell people what i'm thinking or if i do something wrong, they will judge me and that they will not like me. Basically i was pretending to be something that i wasn't. I wasn't "true me". Overcoming this type of shyness takes just two steps (look list #1 and #2).

About negative thinking and negative self talk. Many guys do this and you should never do this. What i mean by negative self thinking: I'm too fat, i'm too short, too nervous, too shy, i don't have any money etc.

No matter what, you should never do that. Instead you should think highly about your self: i'm cool, i have great job, i have great abs, women like me, i'm good at X. You get the idea.

Negative self talk: Let's say you play guitar and someone says you play well and you respond "thanks but i'm not that good". It's negative self talk and you should avoid that. Instead just say "thanks". Don't tell self-deprecating jokes. Also avoid the opposite which is bragging.

Short list of things that will help become more confident and less shy person:

  1. Don't care what others think about you. Say what you want to say and express your opinions freely.
  2. Realize that there will be persons that will like "real you" and some will not like you. No matter what you do.
  3. Stop negative thinking and negative self talk.
  4. Don't hesitate. If you want to approach a women you should do it. If you got rejected you can still be proud that you did brave thing when trying.
  5. If i'm in new situation. I will think what very confident person would do and then i try to do that.
  6. Always keep good posture and relaxed attitude. I try to imagine square around me. I will think that i'm in total control what happens inside that square (how i move and keep good posture). This helps me to relax.
  7. Take some social risks and don't play it too safely.

Why confident guys are better with women. Will they get rejected? Answer is yes but they don't care so much (it's just one woman and there are lots of women that will not reject them). Confident guys approach relaxed, less caring way with good posture. They approach lots of women and they take bigger social risks.

Example about social risk taking: About year ago i was in night club and this cute blonde was near me: First thing i said to her in relaxed non-caring way was: "You should come closer and kiss me" and she comes and gives me a small kiss. i respond by saying "that was nice kiss but i think you can do better than that" so she comes and gives me a long french kiss.

Many guys just play it too safely and loose everything. If you are in a date and you want to kiss that girl you should tell her to kiss you. Take some risks and it will be worth it. Don't be a jerk, but know what you want and work for that.

My thoughts about pua books and routines: My oppinion is that it comes from mindset that you are not good and you need to play some games to get her to like you. I will say that all you need is that you are "true you" and many girls will love that. You don't need to be anything more.

One example about rejection and moving on: I was in night club drinking first beer and there was this beautiful blonde and i knew i want to approach her. So i did and shortly telled one great joke about that situation. That joke was great in my scale (i'm quite witty guy). She was like it never happened. So i told her to have fun night. I knew i wasn't the right person for her and she wasn't right for me. I know that there are like million girls that will find me funny. So i don't want to be around this type of girl who doesn't share my sense of humor.

If you want to learn more. I suggest reading how to keep strong bodylanguage and this great list of signals that women give: http://www.datingsecretsformen.com/2010/05/19/one-good-dating-tip-her-approach-me-signals/

If you have some questions feel free to ask.

Comments

This basically summarizes the dating facet of the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. But there's still some stuff here I didn't know/forgot and love the fact that you sited some personal experiences to back up your article