We all know the general advice; avoid stimulus, be honest with someone who can help you, install K9, stay active on pornfree, etc.
But here’s some tips my therapist has given me that I find helpful, and maybe you will, too.
When you’re tempted, don’t turn it into an internal debate. – This just makes it easier for the addiction to win, because you’re just forcing yourself to think about it more. Instead acknowledge that you have an urge to look at porn, and move on to something else. Say it aloud “I realize that I want to look at porn, and instead I’m going to [read a book, go for a walk, play a game, call a friend, etc.]” and then follow through.
Don’t try to avoid the addiction – Avoiding it just means you’ve got to deal with it later. Deal with it as soon as you feel it coming on with the above method or whatever works for you. Ignoring it or keeping yourself busy only means it’s going to strike that much harder when you’ve run out of things to do, and you’ll have that much less practice dealing with it.
Don’t become afraid of boredom – One of the reasons I hear a lot that people relapse is due to boredom. This can lead to a fear of boredom, which in turn can lead to you trying to avoid boredom at all costs and therefor trying to keep yourself busy with other things (as said above). When you’re bored, embrace it. Sit with it. Learn to enjoy the time that you have nothing to do. In such a fast-paced world you should be thankful for the free time you find yourself having.
When planning your day, instead of thinking “I’m going to avoid porn,” think “I’m going to achieve ___” – Thinking about avoiding porn is just another way of thinking about porn. Instead of imagining your schedule as a negative thing full of potential triggers and landmines, set a goal for yourself — something you won’t regret immediately after you’re finished. Something that makes you feel good, instead. Focus on that goal instead of the idea of avoiding porn. “I’m going to clean the bathroom to surprise my wife/family, because I know it will make them proud and myself feel accomplished.”
I’ll add more if I think of any. Best of luck to everyone!
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