90 Days - Reinventing myself, stuttering improvement
Wow! What a journey! I'm still not able to fly or stop time, I can't set cars on fire with my mind or dodge bullets. However, I believe I have made some great improvements on my life, and gained the greatest superpower of them all: discipline.
I have pictured myself writing this report for a long while now, I guess that's one of the things that has helped me keep going. I found out about this challenge in August 2012 when, ironically enough, looking for porn on another forum. At first I was very sceptical, but I spent those days reading hundreds of reports from as many different people, and it convinced me to give it a try. I relapsed about 14 days later after having extreme urges to watch porn, which led me to rationalize it with "an ejaculation once a week is natural.. as long as I keep going after that, it's fine". Of course, I kept relapsing every day after that and slowly pulling me further away from my goal.
During the autumn I gave it a few tries. A couple of days every time, not really giving much thought to doing NoFap. I guess I forgot about it until this March when I decided to give it another shot.
The main reason for this was initially to prove to myself that I have enough self discipline to complete this ultimate challenge. However, I realized after a while that I had some light ED while having sex. I needed a very specific setting to get it up, and even then I found myself imagining sleeping with my favorite porn stars in order to not go soft. It wasn't always bad but as an otherwise healthy guy in my lower twenties, this shouldn't really be a problem. I had also stopped getting spontaneous erections. I most of the time wouldn't get hard even when I watched porn, unless it had the perfect setting and the perfect girl in it. Any even minor beauty flaws and I couldn't get hard. This is the very danger of porn - giving the viewer extremely unreal expectations, no girl in real life could ever match these plastic standards.
I didn't watch porn very often though, perhaps 2-3 times a week. I would usually fap once per day, while lying in my bed just after waking up. Sometimes it would be more often, but almost never would I skip a day. I also found myself looking forward to fapping to porn, it would be the highlight of my day.
Anyways, enough backstory. I started this streak at March 19th if I recall correctly. I remember having a tough damn time that first week, but at about day 7 my libido dropped and I went into a flatline until day 30. I remember not seeing any life improvements until day 30, so if you find yourself close to that number without any improvements of any kind, don't despair. It will come.
Anyway, since about day 35 my energy and motivation has gone through the roof, and has been improving ever since. Even this last week I feel I have become more motivated, and expect it to keep improving.
I really wish I could tell you guys that I had gotten laid with solid 10's, become a social butterfly and started making millions with a new company. Sorry, but that's not the fact. Let me explain why I'm still extremely satisfied:
Ever since I broke up with my abusive ex-GF about a year ago, my self-esteem and happiness have been below the scale. I have had a mild stammer since I was a kid, which has gotten a lot worse. I have become more and more of an introvert and having a hard time going out and meeting new people, feeling I do not deserve happiness or whatever I am pursuing.
This, my friends, have completely changed. I have gained the discipline to change my life. Instead of self-pitying myself into apathy, I have started using all of my energy to getting rid of my insecurities.
- Motivation and discipline. I go to bed every day before 12 am and get out of bed very enthusiastic and positive. I finally do what I am supposed to do in terms of studying, working and improving myself instead of procrastinating into oblivion.
- Giving up short-lasting excitement for lasting happiness in the long run. The recent talks about instant gratification here on NoFap is so true on my part. I have finally learned to stop giving up on everything and actually pursuing any skill or activity until I am satisfied.
- Quit gaming. For too long, gaming on my computer has taken too much time from me. I have wasted my teenage years on that shit instead of living my life, and I will never go back. I am currently at 48 days of /r/StopGaming and have never felt better.
- New habits of self improvement. Since quitting gaming, porn and fapping I have been given several more hours every day. I have wanted to start playing guitar for years, and have now played pretty much every day for the last 80 days. I am not great, but I can finally play a few songs and am really enjoying the learning process.
- Working out. I have been trying to start working out regularly for the past 3 years. Finally, I have managed to make a habit of it, and I have now worked out 4 days a week for the past month. I have not yet seen any visual improvements, but I am ready to keep going until I'm satisfied.
- Giving up dead-end friendships. I have had a few friends that has been constantly pulling me down for years now, making me a negative and lazy person. I have finally realized that we have grown apart and have decided to get rid of any destructive relationship I have in my life. This may seem harsh, but I want to give room for people who care about me and have similar goals in life.
- Eating healthier. I have always eaten quite healthy, but have finally kicked the bad habit of excessive amounts of diet coke and several cups of coffee every day. I am 1 month free from them both and have never felt better physically. I also eat more fruit, vegetables and nutritious food.
- Meditation. I have meditated every day for the last 45 days, and it is starting to improve every area of my life. I use guided meditation on www.getsomeheadspace.com. It's quite expensive (like $13 per month I believe), but they have a great free introduction to meditation over 10 days which I recommend to anyone who would like to test meditation.
- I have spent several hours every day to practice speaking and getting rid of my stutter, and the results has been insane. Just 6 months ago I could barely say a sentence without having the stutter block my speech. A year ago, I had days when I was ready to end my life because of this. While speaking to strangers or in a stressed environment, I could barely get out a word. Now, I can speak for 5 minutes straight without slipping on more than a few syllables. I know this doesn't say much to most of you, but to me this is the greatest improvement I could've dreamed of. I still have a long way to go, being a perfectionist, and I still suffer from some anxiety due to this. But I am sure that I can overcome this with my new found discipline. And if I won't get rid of it altogether, then I will overcome my insecurities anyway and learn to live with it.
Unfortunately, I have not yet had the chance to find out about my problems between the sheets. Although I sometimes feel quite lonely, I have decided to focus on improving myself in every way. I am a long way from my goals, and that's what I will pursue first. The perfect woman will come when I am ready, rushing things will just end in misery, I speak from experience. I am not really interested in one night stands either, but I have no problem waiting. To quote someone on this subreddit: "Walk the streets like a god, and your goddess will come to you."
Any advice for new or struggling NoFappers? I have thought about this a lot, and this is what I could come up with. Some of it has been repeated in pretty much every 90-day report, but most of it can't be repeated enough.
- Make a conscious effort to change. NoFap will not give you any improvements on its own. You won't become a guitar god or master the art of picking up girls simply by keeping your hand away from the dick. It can give you increased motivation, energy and confidence, but it is up to you to use this and improve your life. Figure out what your passions are and just do it!
- Don't give all your focus on getting girls. This is of course subjective and I realize some people may disagree completely. But my advice is to focus on improving yourself and becoming the person you would like to be. The girls(or boys) will come eventually.
- Install a filter and get rid of porn. Some people seem to like K9. I have not tried it myself, but instead just use an add-on for Firefox called StayFocusd. It's really simple to deactivate it, but I have always felt that I want to have the discipline to stay away from the porn. If I would relapse, then I guess I would need to increase my discipline. Of course, this is not the same way for everyone, and some people here have much deeper problems with porn than I had. StayFocusd and add-ons like it is also really great to stop you from procrastinating. I have several block sets to remind myself to stay away from watching gaming streams, gaming communities and staying on Reddit for too long.
- Read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. If you are struggling, this might be the best and most insightful book you can read. It will give you the understanding of why you fap and how to change both that and other areas of your life. I honestly don't think I would've made it this far without this book.
- Meditate. I mentioned this a bit higher up, but this really is one of the best things you can do.
- Figure out your triggers. When, where and why do you fap? If you tend to fap the first thing in the morning, put your alarm clock at the other end of the room and make sure not to go back to bed. Duhigg speaks about this in the book I mentioned above. Read it, understand it and then live it, and you will succeed.
So, what now? I have decided to keep NoFapping for the time being. I am for the first time satisfied with myself and the way my life is heading, and NoFap has really become second nature for me. I still get horny as hell from time to time, but the compulsion and raging urge to fap is gone. Porn does not interest me at all and although I have no problem with it ethically, I currently see both masturbation and porn as something weird and far from the physical and mental sensations real intimacy gives.
The next step for me is to radically decrease my activity on Reddit, and therefore NoFap aswell. NoFap has given me great support and a lot of good insights, but it really is second nature for me. Although I'd like to help people struggling, I need to do this for me. I will still be around a little, and hopefully I will come back for a 120, 200 and 365 days report.
I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be, a person I can be proud of. Sure, I still have bad days, but the good ones outnumber them by far. Thank you NoFap for helping me find that person, and good luck to all of you! If you have any questions, I would be more than happy to answer them.
TL;DR? You should.
edit: I would like to add that I have been doing this on hard mode and not allowing myself to edge or look at porn at all.