90 Days - Sex became much more exciting
So it I just completed 90 of nofap, and it's been a roller coaster ride. I will share some of what happened, and of what I learned in these past 3 months.
I had so many chances to break my streak. The first and last weeks seemed to be the hardest. The first week was difficult because I was used to masturbating 2-3 times a day, so it was hard to stop. But in 3 weeks, nofap became a routine, and I looked forward to seeing my counter go up. Then on the last week, things changed a lot. I was by myself for the whole week when I was home, the entire time. I felt really lonely and the girl I like is moving out of the country. I felt really intense urges and almost caved in.
I could not have done nofap if I didn't work out. There were so many times that I need to release built up energy, that I don't know what I would have done if I didn't go to the gym. To be honest I don't even know if it is a good idea to do nofap if you don't find an activity that replaces fapping. Because if you just stop fapping and wait for time to pass to see how long you can handle nofap you will drive yourself absolutely insane. I probably would have quit on week 2 if I didn't find productive things to do to replace PMO.
I found so many more productive things to do while on nofap. I made connections with people that were much deeper than the superficial relationships I had in the past. I was able to speak my mind from an honest stand point. I was not ashamed of who I was, because I was guilt free. I had things to talk about because I was doing things other than masturbating.
I focused on my work.
I focused on school.
I focused on how to create a stronger version of myself. Not only mentally, but physically and emotionally.
I was also really happy when I started forgetting what porn looked like. I was happy because I would look forward to seeing a real woman's body as opposed to being over exposed to and bored of sexuality. Sex became that much more exciting to me because, the mere idea of it seemed like a rare commodity that I had to cherish if I ever had the chance to have it. When you are fapping constantly you do not care about getting physical, because your brain is already satisfied, even though in reality you haven't done a single thing. From around day 50 to day 75 things went very smoothly, I would barely even have any urges to masturbate. I was able to control my sex drive to the times when I actually needed it. So it does get easier with time.
I had sex in these 90 days, but I have to admit I am not proud of that. In a way I substituted fapping for sex. But I learned a lot from it. I learned that honesty is really important, and compassion for other humans beings is important as well. I also learned that finding a girlfriend is not the goal of nofap and I was glad that I was able to focus on my own self-development so that in the future I will strive become a stronger person who wants to hone in on that relationship that makes me happy. On that same idea, I am able to choose better and even decline sex if I know it won't lead to anything long-lasting.
There were definitely some downfalls to starting nofap. Anxiety levels skyrocketed for me, but when I learned how to overcome them I became stronger.
The following post helped me a lot with anxiety. I highly recommend it as it touches on the main points about why it's so hard to stop PMO, but it also shows how one can do it. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0
It helped me understand that PMO is not the main problem, but how you react to life is. I also downloaded their PMO chart, which I used in addition to my counters. I honestly found that the more tools I had, the better it would be for me to keep going. So I don't prefer the chart over the daily counter, because I use both. I also downloaded an app for android called motivatracker which is a simple counter, but I really liked it because you can change the picture and you can set your own motivational quote... It's simple but it makes a difference.
I had to learn how to keep myself grounded, as sometimes the anxiety would grow to really high levels. I found that breathing exercises really helped. I also used a totem which was something I would hold on to when I felt like I needed to fap. It sounds strange, but it's a real thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJIH7l41uuo This video explains how it centering objects work. This same youtube channel has a lot of practical tips and motivational ideas on how to quit PMO. This video is also really helpful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO0dzEGpl68
I also learned that nofap is not for everyone. I actually think that some people need to fap. And I know I might get some flak for saying this, but not everyone is psychologically prepared to do nofap. Sometimes that is the only release you have, and if you don't fap, you may feel even worse. Nofap is for people who know they have missed out on opportunities because of excessive masturbation that interfered with other aspects of their life. For me I had been in lots of relationships but I never knew I was addicted to PMO. I would still watch porn even when I was in a relationship, so in a way I was cheating on my S.O. But most of all I was cheating myself out of a healthy lifestyle. I was going in and out of relationships because I was not there emotionally because I had been thinking about dirty smut, instead of thinking about my S.O.
However, some people do not have the same addictive personality that I have and are able to fap every so often and not be addicted to it. Some people are able to fap and know how much it affects them so they can control how many times they fap better. For me I just kept telling myself, it wasn't that bad to do it one more time, until I was doing it so many times, that it was all I was doing for hours on end.
So I can't recommend that everyone do nofap, because it is hard, and you need to have outlets for release. If you don't have other outlets, you need to find some, and if you can't, I don't think you should do nofap. I was lucky enough to be able to lift some weights and socialize with people, but some people can't find ways to release stress. Where I live there is a high number of really sexy women, and sometimes it can be depressing to be alone when I see so many attractive women around. It could have negative effects if I didn't know how to control my urges, or if I was too hard on myself and told me that if I masturbated I would be committing something truly terrible. I was able to break out of my shell a little bit and socialize, but it was extremely difficult, and it still is.
I make mistakes everyday, but I am recognizing my mistakes, and I am working hard to stop making them. I am working hard to be a genuinely friendly human being. Of course I still have a high sex drive and I want to get physical with women, but that is not the main priority of my life anymore. I want to get involved with people first and know who they are, what they like etc. If I find someone that likes me back I will be happy, but if I don't I am totally prepared to stay alone for as long as it takes. It's what Thoreau called being self-reliant. But sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands (pun intended) and rub one out. Just don't get addicted to it and you will be fine. Sometimes nofap can be a major hindrance to your well being and happiness. If you are able to do it and find the rewards in it, then you should do it, if nofap doesn't bring you any rewards whatsoever, you should take it more lightly and try to look for other ways to make yourself happy before you start on this journey.
Sorry for the long post. I just felt like it was important to share what I learned and how I changed in these past 90 days. Good luck out there, be strong.
LINK - 90 days. Wohoo! (Long post)
How bad were things for you all that made you realize you had a problem?
for me, when I was looking for worse things to fap to... I was starting to get scared, but I could never bring myself stop until I came across the nofap subreddit. Yes, looking for porn without even being aroused was definitely a problem for me as well. It does get worse if you keep it up, as far as the level of bad things...
I'm on day 43 now. I have been literally living so much better in this past month and a half than I ever had before that. I am starting to live a normal life. I cried last week, something I hadn't done in 2 years. I created new friendships by being genuinely friendly with females as well as males. I never think of sex as a must-have anymore but I still pursue it. Sex is not a priority at all in my life right now and as a result sex comes around, and when it does it does with no effort.
today I was supposed to skype with my girlfriend, but I was really anxious and went on a PMO session, so I was late to meet her. She was really upset at me, and I was upset at myself. I ended up telling her what happened. I was really embarassed, but we had a really good conversation about getting help with this problem. I know it's getting in the way of our relationship. Whenever I fap I become mindless and forget what I am supposed to do, I don't connect with her emotionally. I become a drone.
I know I have to do this again. I will start using this forum once again so I can release my stress. But she told me I have to see a therapist, although I don't want to do that. I will do it for her and hopefully get rid of this problem.