Age 17 - PMO was holding me back
Hey, guys. I started nofap 105 days ago. I failed 15 days in, after getting home late from work and getting on youtube and seeing something which turned me on in the related videos. I edged for hours and finally 'accidentally' orgasmed. The fun was over and I realized what I had done... I was sick of lying to myself. As soon as I started edging I had already relapsed and I was done for.
Round 2: I got serious. I wasn't going to fail 2013 like i have failed 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, and 2007. I was going to conquer. I got k9 on my phone and computer. I relied on this community in the early days, my mind was on PMO 95% of the time- so i redirected this focus to educating myself on this addiction and reading other peoples stories. I also listened to uplifting music nonstop...
7 days into my current streak, I got a girl's number... (I made a post about it). I wouldn't have asked this girl out if I was still fapping... And even if i did, it would have been disastrous. How do I know this? Because i know the type of man I am on when I PMO. I'm not a man, even. I'm a scared child who tries to act 'grown up' so no one can see how messed up I actually am.
It was rough, but I wasn't going to stop trying... I took cold showers twice a day (even when i wasn't horny) and made it until day 29, which was when i had a wet dream. I was scared about having a wet dream, because i didn't want it to be about porn or something perverted. It was gross, but necessary.
I feel like I'm finding myself... I have a healthier relationships (with friends, coworkers, family, and my girl).
BEST OF ALL- I feel extremely free............. do you know what it's like to not be constantly touching your genitals and feel fine with someone sitting on your bed or using your computer? It's amazing.
I'm still working on myself... but after all that, I know for a FACT that PMO was holding me back from having a better life. Thanks guys. You're very brave for giving up PMO.
Btw, I'm 17, male, work at a fast food place, go to school, and am a virgin.
I guess I haven't been on 'hardmode' because when I make out, it usually involves dry humping until orgasm...
LINK - Day 90 report!
UPDATE - 6 MONTHS LATER
I have an idealized vision of what I think love is, and that vision is that I meet someone who is BETTER than any girl I've met before, and I devote my life to her. This aspect of me defines me. It's stupid but I'm stuck with this until I change, it could take days, weeks, months, or years, but I've decided I'm in it for the long haul. I will give whatever it takes to be the man I want to be.
UPDATE - 12 MONTHS LATER
I'm thankful for 5 days clean from PMO. Cheers