Age 20 - Low T, delayed ejaculation, masturbation slowed recovery

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Day 6

Today is my 6th day of PMO abstinence. I plan on hopefully making it 12 weeks without PMO to fix my ED that I believe might be porn related.

I'm only 20 but have been having ED issues for the past year. I have a relatively healthy lifestyle: exercise 3x a week, eat well, no smoking/drugs, don't drink much. Despite this I don't get morning erections anymore, and they are not as easy to get when I see attractive women out on the street. In my last relationship that lasted 6 months I frequently had trouble maintaining erections and never once orgasmed during oral or sex.

Initially I never viewed my M habits as a problem since I only do it 2-4 times a week and never more than once a day. Also I only started PM when I was 17 so I haven't been doing it that long. However, I have started to notice that my erections come a lot easier when watching P and I would always be able to O. The fact that I actually get more pleasure from PM than sex with real women has worried me and led me to make the decision to give it up.

Over the first few days I have experienced some minor cravings, nothing too bad. I have gone without PMO for 2 weeks before so I have not yet reached my boiling point. Emotionally I feel a little depressed since I'm not sure if this abstinence will really work in rebooting me. I can't remember the last time I had a really good erection without P or fantasizing about it and feel like part of me is broken.

Day 7

Today when I went in for an my annual eye check-up I couldn't help but get an erection for the receptionist behind the desk. Haven't remembered the last time I had to fight one down in public like that, it felt refreshing. Only thing is she happened to be a middle-aged woman (milf) which kind of reminded me of some of the P I was interested in. I'm wondering if this was a genuine response to a 3D woman or more of a reminder of the P that I liked.

Day 13

Been abstaining for almost 2 weeks now. I exercise regularly and will definitely continue. Over the last several days I've noticed the return of erections during the night and when I wake up in the morning. Feel like I'm craving less and less with each passing day. Last night I had my first sexual dream in a long time. I came in the dream and it felt so real, but didn't actually have a wet dream. Right now I feel really happy with the progress I've made, didn't think recovery would be so speedy. I still need more time though before I would want to have sex again. Still am slightly scared of going flat in another sexual encounter.

Day 14

Had a dream last night that I watched P. It felt very real and for a second I thought I relapsed. Woke up today with some pretty bad cravings, had to come here to get my mind off it. Still believe I'm making progress though. I just have to keep up the will power. The thing that's helping me get through this the most is knowing that giving up PMO now will lead to a more fulfilling sex life in the future.

Writing for the second time today. Just had a crazy craving out of the blue, no trigger. Tried fighting it for several minutes. I left my computer and lied down on my bed. Eventually couldn't take it anymore and decided to M no P. Went until I almost O, luckily I stopped. Still feeling mild cravings but think I can hold it off for the rest of the night.

Day 20

Yesterday was difficult! Was feeling irritable all day and needed a release badly. Eventually caved and MO'd. Didn't feel too bad about giving in though since there was no P and no fantasizing, all sensation. The O was a relief but there wasn't much overall pleasure in it. I don't find it necessary to start the count all over again since my primary objective in this whole project is to abstain from P and unrealistic fantasies. I hope this hasn't messed with my recovery too much.

Day 26

Been about a week since my last O. I didn't experience any chaser, but haven't really had much of a sex drive since. No morning wood or spontaneous erections in a while; think I might be flatlining. Last night I was dancing with a girl at a party that I was really into but nothing was going on down below. I wasn't wasted at all, just a little tipsy. She was definitely DTF but I knew sex wouldn't end well so I made an excuse and left. Hope to get some life back in the next few weeks.

Day 28

About 2 weeks into abstinence I have noticed that I have been peeing a lot more than usual. I haven't been drinking more than usual and I'm not a heavy caffein user. It is really starting to bother me since my need to go to the bathroom is waking me up at night and contributing to my insomnia.

Day 30

Yesterday I received some troubling news. I got my results from a blood test which included testosterone levels. I had taken the test 5 days after starting abstinence. My levels were below 300 ng/dL which is on the very low end of the normal range. Considering that I am 20 yrs old this is not a great number.

Now I'm not sure whether the problems I've been having are related to porn or low T. My doctor doesn't think there's a serious problem but I'm gunna get checked out by an Endo to be sure.

Day 33

This past week was extremely busy and exhausting for me because I was rushing a fraternity. I'm joining a frat because I want more opportunities to socialize, especially with girls. I still have a lot of love for my old friends, but hanging out with them really limits my chances to meet girls. They are never really down to go to parties or major social events. I really like my pledge brothers and the active members and feel like my social life will greatly improve. I think I'm still in the flatline stage so having more interactions with girls should help me out with my recovery. Yesterday we had a mixer at the house with a bunch of girls. I didn't know any of the girls and was feeling extremely apprehensive about talking to them. After a while I eventually got enough confidence to talk to a couple of them and the conversations weren't too bad. I was a little disappointed because I was really into the girls I was talking to but I wasn't feeling any response below the belt. I'm hoping that I start to see some life soon because there are so many attractive girls that I would like to get to "know" a little better.

Day 36

Due to some stress over upcoming exams I indulged in some self love yesterday, NO P of course and was using light strokes with no fantasy. I definitely noticed greater sensitivity and 100% erectile strength. Finished in a little over 5 minutes which was once an impossible feat for me without porn and a hard grip. Still not seeing morning erections or spontaneous ones during the day. However, internally I do feel a sense of sexual energy. Girls are are on my mind a lot more these days. I am really excited for this Friday because my frat is having a big party and there will be a lot of opportunities to meet and talk to new girls. Even though my erections are not super spontaneous, I have this gut feeling that I would still be able to "rise" to the occasion if I found myself in that type of situation. Don't know if it is a good idea to test these waters while still in recovery, but I can't resist trying my luck.

Day 61

So its been a little over 3 weeks since I last updated my blog and a lot has happened in that time:

I MO'd 5 times (no P, no fantasy)

Been doing a lot of cardio (intensive 3-4 times a week)

Saw an endocrinologist who confirmed that there is nothing physically wrong with me that would cause ED.

Been getting more morning erections and have had several instances when I got them in public from seeing an attractive girl.

Texted my ex gf and we are hanging out next weekend.

Even with the positive aspects of the last 3 weeks I still feel some anxiety about my situation (especially seeing the ex gf next week). I spoke to my doctor about this and he actually recommended taking Viagra as a way to get over the performance anxiety. He called in the script for me and I reluctantly went to the pharmacy to get it filled. I was in line literally about to place the order when someone behind me tapped me on my shoulder and said hello. It was a girl from my school that I knew from a couple classes. I was completely petrified with fear because she was in clear earshot of my conversation with the pharmacist. I could not risk her finding out that I was getting Viagra so I told the pharmacist that I was receiving an important phone call and dashed out of the store. That was seriously one of the most embarrassing situations I had ever been in. I went straight back home and sat at my desk for a long time thinking about what had just happened. Eventually it hit me that maybe the incident in the pharmacy happened for a reason. Maybe I'm not supposed to beat this problem through medication but through a positive attitude about sex. I am very much a person who likes to always be in control of my life and this issue with sex is the first time in my life where I feel like I have no control. However, what I finally realize is that sometimes you have to lose control to gain it. I guess this is what some call the leap of faith. Next weekend I'm going to take the leap of faith.

Day 68

Last night was pretty good. Saw my ex for the first time in 4 months. We went out to eat and casually hung out for a few hours. Then we went to party followed by a concert. We were dancing a lot at the show and ended up hooking up. This was the first time in a long time that I can remember getting hard just from dancing. This gave me a lot of confidence in the fact that my reboot has actually been working. With this confidence I wasn't afraid to initiate going back to my place for some private time.

Back at my place it was all green lights so it went down. I barely thought about my erection at all and was just enjoying the intimate sensations. I had never been more turned on just by simple touch and the feeling of soft skin. It is as if removing P from my life has re calibrated my visual senses allowing my other ones to be more enhanced. I gave her several good O's but stopped before I could O because I was getting tired. I'm still trying to get to the point where I can get an O from sex (still never had one). This is giving me some motivation to really cut out M to sensitize more. Overall though I feel great about the way things have turned out, so glad I didn't have to use that Viagra lol Smiling . I really believe that it was fate finding yourbrainonporn.com and reuniting. I was literally praying for a way to solve this problem and you all have been the answer so I'd like to say a huge THANK YOU! The ex wants to hang out again soon so I'll have some more opportunities to improve. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted with how the rest goes and I hope that my experience serves as motivation to those earlier in the process or that are still struggling that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just saw my first sliver of it.

I haven't told her about what I've been doing, but I think she can tell that I'm more relaxed, confident, and comfortable with who I am. Eventually I might share this with her.

Day 106

Just realized that I passed the century mark almost a week ago. I still feel great sexually and really believe that I'm completely cured of my ED. Things are going well with my ex. I haven't seen her since last week, but we've been texting and phone chatting quite a bit. At this point I don't know if we're actually back together or not. It's definitely more than just friends with benefits since I still have feelings for her and I know she does as well for me. Overall I'm just happy that I have found some peace in my intimate life. I feel so much more comfortable with who I am. I use to be rather self conscious we tried to have sex in the past; I didn't like being naked in front of her. Now I absolutely love being naked in front of her. I now feel secure enough with my self image that my previous trepidations have completely vanished.

I hope everyone still on this journey continues to persevere. It is not easy all the time, but it is so worth it in the end. The view is nice up here.

Day 132

I've gotten back with my gf and have had pretty good sex with no ED. My only remaining issue is that I have still yet to experience an orgasm of any sort with her. Not being able to finish gets really frustrating after a while. I need a good bit of time to build up an O, but she is always worn out before I can get there. I'm finally deciding to totally cut out M from my life until this can be resolved. This is proving a lot harder than giving up P. Abstaining from P felt natural and therapeutic. Yet trying to quite M feels like I'm squeezing a water hose; it builds up a lot of pressure. Regardless of the difficulty of this challenge I feel like its necessary in order to finally experience an O. I'm on break right now so I'll have about a month until the next time I see my gf. I'm hoping this will be enough of a build up to finally get an O.

Day 146

Surprisingly I haven't had much of an urge to M over the last few weeks. I think I might be experiencing another flatline as I have not been having many morning erections of late.

Day 147 I Came!!!!!!!!:)

About 40 days ago I decided to cut out masturbation. I did slip up 2 weeks ago but that didn't discourage me. 1 time in 40 days aint bad, haha. I think abstaining from masturbation, plus more practice with sex restored my sensitivity. I plan to abstain from masturbation for as long as I can.

I finally had the big O. Yes it was amazing, and yes it was 100x better than masturbating. I can't believe I made it. Been a long road but it was so worth it in the end. I have the best girl in the world and we are having so much much fun exploring each other. Can't thank this site enough and I extend my best wishes to all those still on the journey.

Final thoughts: One day you'll have that "enough is enough" realization and get serious. After constant failures in bed, embarrassing convos with your girlfriend, and general feelings of dissatisfaction you'll look yourself in the mirror and realize that porn is the problem. It's only then that you will stop trying to quit but actually quit.

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BY - 2young4this