Age 23 - 90 day report: HOCD, many positive changes

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LINK - Day 90! 

by pearlxzildjian

Wow, day 90.

It's been a really weird ride.

I started this because someone on the forum I'm on for OCD said this could help my current problem (HOCD). Look it up if you don't know what it is. But, I was almost skeptical to even try it, but I was so sick of the stress that I didn't really care what I did to change.

I wasn't aware of the "super powers" at the beginning of this, but I found out eventually and it kind of manifested in to me wanting to get laid finally or even just stop being scared around girls. But then someone made a good point that I should be doing this for myself, and they were right. So I am doing it for myself.

Well, at this time I started this, I also wanted to quit smoking because it was giving me chronic sinus infections. I was reading Tony Robins' book at the time 'Awaken the Giant WIthin'. I came across a section talking about why people don't quit addictions. And it's because their pain and pleasure associations. Here are the questions he suggested I ask myself:

" Quit smoking - Why haven’t I taken action? In the past, what pain have I linked to taking this action?

- Pleasures from indulging in smoking - What is the cost of not quitting
and what are the outcomes over the next 5 years? - What is the pleasure
I will receive from quitting smoking? 

I answered the questions, and started to become aware of what will really happen. I felt the fear. I also started to feel the pain it was actually causing. It felt like I woke up from a denial. Now, are the questions magical? No. They just happened to help me when I didn't know what else to do. I live in a household full of unnecessary addiction, so I was blind as to where to start.

Now, this same night I told myself I was going to do NoFap as long as I could. I mean, this is /r/NoFap not /r/Stopsmoking haha

I started NoFap 146 days ago along with quitting smoking, quit getting drunk, quitting smoking weed. The immediate benefits I had were definitely increased energy and an almost hyperactive feeling all the time. This last for all of about 2 weeks I hit a flatline from day 15 to day 45. The flatline ended on the first wet dream I've had in probably 6 or 7 years. Everything has been steadily moving up since this then and it's fucking great!

I do, however still have shitty days. I know I see a lot of people thinking this is an end all solution to solving their life problems. I was hoping it would be at the beginning, actually. But you have to realize this is just one beginning step for self control. You could have found other ways to do this (quit smoking, stop eating unhealthy foods, kick a pesky crack addiction), but you chose this. I almost want to say this is the easiest thing I've ever done, because it's just so simple. But it feels like the most challenging thing I've done for myself.

Anyways.

During this time:

  • I haven't smoked a single cigarette
  • I haven't smoked weed
  • Have relapsed 6 times (4 times between 3-8 days in the beginning)
  • Have only gotten drunk once (end of the world party)
  • Gotten closer to having sex/kissing a girl/hanging out with one than I have ever in my life and I'm excited about this
  • Started understanding my real problems
  • Started to want more out of life
  • Stared reading daily
  • Started working out more consistently
  • I haven't had the thought 'I want to die'
  • i started to meditate daily
  • I have become more social

The accumulation of all these things has created a new sense of self.

My suggestions to help you with this? I don't really have many. I feel like my shift in change happened over night, when in reality it's been almost 5 months.

I guess if I had to say anything that could help someone that's struggling, is to question your current actions. Like, your NOW actions. Why are you doing something that you don't want to do or why are you doing something that you know is a problem? If you become aware of what you're doing, these questions will usually automatically pop up.

Everything feels normal now. A new normal. A better one.

If you're struggling with OCD and you're looking for someone to tell you to try nofap, take my word for it. The fucked up thoughts might not stop all the time, but you'll be too busy feeling great to even care.

tl;dr Haven't flapped in 90 days, haven't smoked in 147 days,