Age 23 - Metamorphosis into chick magnet
Today was my first day of no PMO. I have been masturbating since 15/16 years old. I have been watching porn since 3/4 grade. I am 23 years old. I didnt really think I had an addiction till someone posted the yourbrainonporn.com link on a forum I frequent. Porn has always just kind of been there. There have numerous amount of time that I have tried to stop, but someway or another I find a site and yea..it happens again It started to get really bad when I got an android phone. I can watch porn whenever and wherever I wanted. I usually masturbate about 8-14 times a week. I ALWAYS get a morning wood and it has always been my ritual to orgasm to start my day right. It has always been my sedative to go to sleep also.
This April, I knew I wanted to stop because watching porn always made me feel so nasty. I had a terrible Mary Jane [marijuana] addiction that I just kicked in the butt (4 months clean!!!! yaaayyyy!!!!) so I wanted to stop porn also. But lo and behold a couple weeks into the month and I am already wanking 2-3 times a day.
Another thing is the fact that every time I masturbated, I would feel crazy weak afterward. I thought it was because I was probably a weak man so every time I busted instead of just allowing the fatigue to wash over me, I kind of embraced it and enjoyed the rush.
In college, I met two dudes that said they have not busted on a nut in two years. They were big on Mantak Chia. During the time, I had like three girlfriends so telling no to them was out of the question (looking back they were energy vampire women that wanted to eat me lol).
Shortly after breaking up with all three girlfriends (I needed space for myself...I literally felt like they were draining/sapping the life out of me) I made a vow to not do it for 30 days. I made it to 23 days. On the 23rd day, I had a crazy euphoric emission the second I woke up. I thought I cheated and messed up and just gave up (after reading a couple of posts on this website, I now know better that wet dreams can not really be avoided especially at my age).
Looking back that was a great month and I remember being horny but I could control it.
So yea. I have not PMO'ed today. I woke up with a wood and I could not get out of the bed for the life of me. I rolled around praying it would go down but it didn't. I wasted 2 hours in bed doing this (I am seriously used to wanking myself in the morning. If I am not masturbating, I am usually sexing a girl.)
My goals out of this:
- More energy
- Less mood swings
- More motivation and concentration
- More confidence in myself
- I want to stop looking at every woman and imagine me boning her or her catching a crazy orgasm
- I want to channel my sexual energy and be able to pick up girls more easily
Today was the first time I realized how much I masturbated in the past year and a half---every single day. Wow. I used the O to make myself feel better and to avoid boredom. I started thinking about my generation and how tv, sex images, drugs, etc etc etc is going to over stimulate everyone. We are going to have some very unhappy people in the future lol. It made me very glad to know I am making sacrifices now for my future.
I can do this. I love challenges.
My other thing I can foresee bothering me is a wet dream. I really don't want one. I want to preserve my Life Energy for 90 days (my goal).
I also have a good feeling that this will be a reset button for my negative feelings regarding past sexual partners. Like a cleanse. I am excited.
I would be lying if I said I do not still think about P or M or O.
I still do. P crosses my mind and some memories of the last P clip I saw. Sometimes, I feel as if something is missing in my life. It's kind of weird. Like I am kind of grieving a friend of mine that died. At part of me is saying, "Where is he? Where did he go? When is he coming back?"
I even feel like I am forgetting what an O feels like. Like a long lost friend.
I think I was addicted to it as a self-medication and a self-defeat loop. Go up again, then down, then up....you get my point. It felt good to feel that rush and then feel depressed afterwards.
But other than that...I feel GREAT!
I keep waking up earlier than my alarm clock ready to take the world (I still get woodies but as soon as I get out of my bed and start my day it goes away).
I went to the library two days ago and approached two girls. I never do that unless I'm at the club. Even then it takes a lot effort for me to do it. The first one I got her number (she was really cute and had a really kind personality) and the second one had a serious boyfriend but she was still flirting with me the entire time. I don't know what came over me. I saw them, got up from the computer desk, and approached them like it was second nature. When I finished talking to them, I have to admit I felt really proud of myself and happy. It was a huge adrenaline rush lol.
My interaction with them was awesome. I wasn't looking for sex. I was looking for some awesome company and they just so happen to be pretty. I felt like a kid again.
I have also been really introspective. Normally when I am around women I feel intimidated or looking for one that will give me attention or I will look for one that is down to do the dirty. So basically I used to have three categories of experience with woman-
1. Who is down to do some things? If so, pleaasseee give me attention. You maybe? You? How about you?
2. Intimidation. I used to feel really intimidated by woman. I would feel weak and inadequate. Like I did not stack up to them.
3. I am a man and I am higher than you in a very a$$hole way.
Now it's..........equal. I don't want anything from them. I am enjoying myself and just being me. I usually have to go to a doctors office and the woman staff there have been...dare I say it?....nicer to me. My voice is deeper and I have a more commanding presence. I feel separate from everyone elses drama.
I am nervous around other guys for some reason. When they are in my vicinity, I get very cautious. The second I see them right by me, my spidey sense starts tingling. The very second I see them, I immediately dislike them and I want them to get away from me. It's this super uncomfortable felling in my chest. I was not like this before no PMO. I kind of just ignored or became friends with my fellow man but now I am cautious...very cautious...
I went to the food court and it was packed with college students all my age group. The old me would be high to numb out my social anxiety but I quit Mary Jane . The old me still would've been nervous around groups of people even w/o MJ. But not yesterday! I was just so calm and sure of myself. It was aweessooommmeee. There was a girl that kept looking at me while I was sitting down. I normally get looks/glances but she seriously kept looking at me. It was an ego booster but at the same time really weird because she seriously kept looking at me lol I don't know if she was conscious of it or not lol.
Whenever I go out of the house, I feel like I'm huge. I feel big and larger than life. I have this swag and aura about me. I feel more manly. The "voices" when I go out are all gone. I feel like no-one is judging me at all.
I feel really congested right now because I recently drank a lot of dairy (it's my fault. I know that when I drink a lot of dairy I get like this). My throat is a little sore and I feel a little nasally. But I still feel fine. I still feel strong.
I was driving today and was at a red light. All of a sudden this pulsation went over my body. It was like I had an orgasm that came from my brain. It was subtle at first and then it washed over me. Pretty cool.
Overall, this is a good experience. I even want to say I will do everything humanly possible to never PMO ever again (well maybe an occasional O here and there, especially when I'm ready for kids). I feel like I am getting super powers and I don't want to give that up.
I don't feel anything. No libido, no horniness, no nothing. This is the first morning with no woody. I feel empty and blank. Its kind of weird because I am so used to the ebb and flow of a bunch of crazy emotions before No PMO. Depression, horniness, more depression, extreme happiness, up and down. Am I crazy to say I was addicted to the rollercoaster of emotions?
I feel nothing. I went out to the store and I saw a chick. Nothing. No attraction to her. To any chick. It's weird but at the same time, very liberating. I feel very serene and calm. I am still sick from this head cold, but it's not bothering me too much.
I almost went to see this chick last night cuz I was so horny, but I ended up staying home reading articles from the site. I have no urge to masturbate or bust an O.
I just feel so calm and at peace. I feel very manly. I also realized that I am an amazing person.
Prior to going out, I felt very weird and moody. Once again, I am used to feeling fatigue and the emotional roller coaster of the O. I feel like I got addicted to the pain or something and my brain is still looking for it.
I also felt no sexual urges. Nothingggg. No erections, no stimulation, no fantasies. No nothing.
I was driving at one point of the day and this awareness hit me really hard. It was like Oh sh*t. I'm alive. It was like everything in the world became real and tangible.
Later that night, I went clubbing. Fun night. Very interesting. Once again, there were these intense moments of awareness. Like the world stopped spinning and I felt truly alive. I met this chick we shared a bunch of dances. I think I put myself in Lets Just Be Friends category. I am usually upfront with what I want. This helps me to separate the DTFs and the Pretenders. But that night I was wasted and just honestly enjoying the company of a beautiful woman. There was a moment when we were dancing where I connected with her. I have no idea if she felt it, but I definitely did. It felt good. Very good.
Another thing I noticed was that I could "feel" women. I just stared at them and "felt" them individually. Some of them felt really nasty and ooky. Some of them made my chest hurt and the need to vomit. Some of them felt empty. Some of them felt clean and alive. It was pretty cool. It was like my intuition woke up.
I was getting some eye contact from women but I think it was because I was so self-assured and confident in my skin. And besides, I am an attractive guy. I didn't pay a lot of them any attention because girls at clubs are either Ego Vampires, Attention Getters, or Gold Diggers. Very rarely do you get a diamond in the rough.
Sidenote: I remember a kid up at university that was a super hippy. He didn't bust an O or lose his seed for two years. Every where I went with this kid, girls would flock to him like no tomorrow. He did nothing special. He talked to them like friends. No tricks or manipulations. They all flocked to him. Every last one of them. And they always said the kindest things about him. I never understood it but I would like to get to this level.
I see why it's important not to fantasize. I kept getting myself frustrated and for the first time in the process, I kept feeling that "I need more stimulation!!!!!!!!!!" feeling. It was really intense but at the same time it was easy to handle though. I just got up took a walk around the block. Read some books. Chillaxed. I even went and bought some graham crackers. Then I feel asleep reading a book.
I had some SUPER vivid dreams. One of them was with this girl I wanted to get with a long time ago. First we were laying down, then one thing led to the next and we were having sex in the dream. It felt crazy real. For real, for real. Then I had a nocturnal emission. It was a huge explosion and I woke up. Stains all over me. I was like F*ck! But it wasn't that bad. The O was not any where nearly as intense as a porn driven one and the come down was not as intense either. It was like "Oh well. Life goes on." I didn't feel guilty, ashamed, or super tired. I actually felt energetic. This happened at around 6 am and I couldn't go to sleep for about an hour. I had an intense urge to masturbate so I breathed it out. Then I went back to sleep like a baby.
I don't feel all tired and moody like I did with PMO. I feel still feel calm with a tinge of relief. The nuclear sun in the middle of my chest is gone though. :-( It says it needs to be recharged lol.
I tried explaining the no-porn to my friends and they couldn't hear anything I was saying. I can't blame them.
I have been feeling really calm. It's CRACK how calm I have been feeling. I look back and I can't believe the mood swings I used to have. WTF was wrong with me? O yea! Massive over-stimulation.
I'm just so calm I could roll around in it. No words can describe this. For the first time in a long time, I feel balanced and that everything is going to be all right.
I went to a poetry event last night. Was hilarious. Mid-way through it a weird ripple emo social anxiety attack happened. I basically wanted to leave and I was having all these thoughts that people are crazy and I need to get away from them. This was very similar to how I felt in my PMO days.
I breathed through it and got my composure back mentally and....it worked. I didn't let it get the best of me. The night was a lot of fun and it was really cool to enjoy time with friends and strangers.
Later, I felt this person eye'\s on me. I looked around and this girl at the bar kept looking at me. She seriously kept looking at me. This happened to me on one of my other entries in my blog. Its like the weirdest trance thing I have ever seen. They just keep looking and looking and looking. I wonder if they are even conscious of it? I'll look away and when I look back at the girl, they are still looking. The way I have been looked at the past couple of days, I have never been started at that way. Ever.
I was thinking maybe I persuaded myself or had some sort of expectation from reading other rebooting accounts, but it's just too real for me to deny. It's soooo coooollll lol. They just stare and stare and stare.
I went to church earlier in the day and me and this chick sorta have this thing going on. However, when she saw me it was like she saw me for the first time ever. She had gaga eyes for me. She gave me a really long hug and everything. I could just see it in her eyes that she was falling for me. It was pretty intense.
I also saw her in a different way. I saw how beautiful she is. The reason why I started to talking to her was because I had a sexual attraction. But now, it's not even about that. I am just enjoying her and her beauty. She looked really pretty.
Then this other chick started a conversation with me out of the blue. I see her all the time and I was thinking she was the shyest girl in the world. But daannnggg. Not yesterday lol. She was talking to me and she showed me the real her. She was super outgoing. I was also upfront with her and told her I liked her personality.
It's like I am starting to say things I always wanted to say and they are just flowing out of me. Before with PMO, I would feel a blockage, nervousness, or I would feel a pain in my chest from the anxiety.
Later she sat next to me and every chance she took, she touched me lol. Over and over. It felt really good lol.
All of this has been really....I don't even know what to say. I just have been really humbled by this whole experience. I look back at when I used to watch porn, and I can't believe I watched that stuff. WTF lol. I thought about it today and I almost threw up.
What is also crazy is how I am seeing how there are sexual cues in everything on TV. It's pretty absurd. Everything is sex sex sex. It's disgraceful honestly.
My taste in music is changing also. If it's "too much", I have to change the song. I've been enjoying soothing, relaxing music. Certain music just sounds grating. WTF is up with that? lol. It's like they are trying so hard. I listen to rap and sometimes rock. Certain artists...they just sound like they are just trying SO HARD. Are these artists so de-sensitized that they have no clue what they are producing? Or is it because people are so hungry for stimulation they gravitate towards the over-stimulation? Some of the beats are just like, "WOW, you are turning my brain to putty."
If there is anything I would try to do different right now is stop watching TV. I was never a TV junkie and I find myself watching it a lot lately since I started no PMO. I just watch and veg out. It's kind of comforting in a way but I don't like it. The last thing I need is a new addiction. I am going to start a gym ASAP and start a new hobby.
I felt the itch to masturbate really bad last night (the strongest urge Ive had so far) so I'm trying to make sure I prevent myself with a mobile phone porn blocker just in case.
Last night, I almost tied my hands together above my head.....the urge was so strong lol. I also had a dream that I had sex with a really old lady and then I had a dream I was masturbating.
No matter what, I refuse to quit! I've already seen some great results from No PMO.
Lately, I've been going back and forth. Half a day of extreme horniness, then the other half I feel no libido. It's cool though cuz I am going to trust the process. It also lets me explore both sides of myself.
Today is weird however. Today, it feels combined. I am super horny but I am perceive it from an emotional distance. I feel my balls are ready to burst open but mentally I am doing what I have to do.
I can say the best thing about no PMO is the girl interactions I've been having lately.
I went to a gas station yesterday and a girl opened up conversation with me. She paid for whatever she was paying and then I felt a tap on my back and she started a convo. It was pretty cool. The best part about it is now with no PMO, I have no goal in mind. Before it was "give me, give me, give me!" and cross my fingers she is down for sex lol. To tell you the truth, every girl I talked to, I always thought they were down for sex lol.
Then today, I was in Publix getting a sub. This woman kept saying it was cold and she kept looking at me after she said it. She was trying to start a convo with me but I wasn't in the mood lol. These interactions are giving a huge boost in confidence and one of the main reason why I am sticking with this. I want to see how far it goes.
I have also been feeling more self-assured around my homeboys. I can say things and not worry about what they think. I feel like I am learning my role in the group and why they like hanging with me---cuz I am just myself and I add a piece to the puzzle.
My stepdad tried to argue with me yesterday, but I KNOW FOR A FACT I perceive the situation differently. Before, his venom used to bother me to point of depression. Now it has no effect whatsover. Just slides right off my back.
I kind of feel bad for him. I don't know what happened in his life to be so bitter and blinded but Oh well. Such is life. In a very subtle way, I feel as if he is gaining respect for me cuz I've been standing up to him. I've been speaking my mind 100% and saying everything I have always wanted to say. I've been starting to look at him as a little barking dog....its really funny.
At night, sometimes it's rough because I want to have sex or M really bad and I want to tear my chest in lust for an O but I keep pressing. I listen to classical music right before I sleep and deep breathe and say things that I am grateful for...this technique always works once I get over being uncomfortable lol.
I am really proud of myself. This is not as easy as I thought it was, but the benefits outweigh the negatives by a long shot. I love going out in public now. I don't feel anxiety unless I am crazy horny, and this is a hard but very interesting journey.
Lately, I've been going out a lot more. I used to feel lonely BUT then when I went around people, I would feel anxious and want to stay away. That has been going away.
For the first time in a long time, I am enjoying people. More importantly, I am enjoying myself. I truly am.
The past two days were rough. I feel as if I am finally processing the good/negative feelings I have about past situations. I've been thinking a lot about one of my exes and how our relationship crashed heavy. How I still have strong feelings for her even though we hurt each other so much. I still feel a deep connection with her and I wish her happy times. I know she thinks about me all the time too and still feels our connection. Hey, if it doesn't work out this lifetime, there's always the next. :-)
I also had some SERIOUS depression yesterday but it went away the second I went outside and got around people. I realized the only time I really get depressed is when I am sitting around for a long time. Just mulling around in my thoughts lol. Went to the beach and to a poetry night and ended the night with clubbing.
Same thing I have been noticing. These girls keep staring at me lol. When I was at the club, these two bartenders kept looking at me. It's so funny because I really can't figure out if they know they are staring at me. It's like they keep looking at me but they try not to make it obvious (us guys do this all the time right? lol). On the dance floor, there was girl looked at me at stopped dead in her tracks. We had a moment. Time slowed down and everything. I haven't felt that since high school.
The only problem about the club....I HAD NO LIBIDO WHATSOEVER LOL. I had these girls gawking at me, but I had no drive whatsoever. It was quite an experience. I was just enjoying myself. I was enjoying my own company.
There was still a part of me that wanted to hop into the festivities and try and mack on chicks but I just was not feeling it at all. It was a semi-strong pull but I just wanted to just stay in my own bubble and essence. It kinda sucked but at the same time it was awesome to just enjoy myself and just be comfortable in my own skin.
So basically, I was kinda torn between the two lol. The Catch 22.
Anyways, my relationship with my mom is different. The dynamic and energy feels different. It's like I see myself in her and I respect her a lot more. I can say our relationship is getting better. I am a lot more open with her.
My relationship with my brother and step dad is still weird. We exchanged some mean words the other day and the whole time I was very calm and I did not engage in any crazy angry emotions. Like some Echart Tolle type stuff. I was honest with him for the first time ever. He was not happy with it all but I feel a lot better finally telling him the truth. Their vibe is also different around me too. I used to feel such a heaviness emanating from them both but now I don't feel anything. If anything they have been A LOT more chill around me.
Another thing I have noticed is how NOTHING stresses me out. I mean absolutely nothing. For example, I went to my car dealership to get an oil change and somehow they locked my key inside the car with the car still running.
It didn't stress me out one bit. I remember the old days when I used to get so angry and frustrated about everything. Now, nothing bothers me. NOTHING. I am just going with the flow.
So, yea. I am just going to continue to trust the process and chug along to sweet equilibrium
So yea, I had sex with this chick last Thursday.
It was cool. There was a lot of sexual tension, it was awesome, and I picked up on subtle cues.
I did hours of bonding. Massaged her hand, back, caressed her neck etc.
I busted twice. The first time, it felt like I busted twice in one go. Afterwards, I had a chaser (I think thats what it is?). I felt super lazy and drunk (not the good drunk) immediately afterwards. I also felt super tired and I lost my willpower. Not fun at all as compared to the awesome control I have been feeling.
I was also super sensitive and lost it in like 5 minutes. Soooo not cool.
I tried my best to keep it but the girl was really intent on both of us getting an O.
Then I fell asleep for houuurrrssssssss. Then I woke up and we went at it again. Same thing. I lost my seed in like 2 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Then I fell asleep once again for hoouuurrrssssss.
The next day I felt VERY annoyed with the girl and was dis-interested in her. I wanted to try karezza and even explained it to her beforehand but she was hella horny. I ended up pleasing her another way. The chase of seducing her was a lot more fun than sexing.
Later I was also tempted to masturbate, but a Yoda Quote rang in my mind: Do or Do Not. There is No Try.
In more recent news, I've been feeling good, feeling great. I had like two three days of flatlining (I love those days!!!!). I've been going out a lot lately (this helps the process sooooo much).
I saw a friend's mom and she commented on how I looked really good. Months before she told me to stop masturbating. She is a super spiritual lady and can pick up on things. When I saw her, she was very happy to see me and told me my face looks great. I asked her how did she know I was masturbating last time I saw her as compared to now? She said she could tell spiritually and physically. She said that before my face looked very gaunt and dead and I looked like I had no energy.
She said now, my face looks VERY bright and she said I feel refreshing and energetic.
Hey guys, hope everyone is well.
I've been feeling great. The more I resist the urge to M the better I feel. For example, if I have a super horny night and resist it I wake up the next morning feeling amazing.
~I have a lot more courage
~I speak with a lot more clarity and control
~People and their issues don't bother me as much. I just allow them to be who they are
~I can hold eye contact with women
~Men respect me more. This has been really noticeable
~I feel like a man. Just this inner confidence...I feel like a rock
~I am not as groggy when I wake up
~I find myself meditating without even trying. I just go within and feel super great
~I hardly get nervous about anything. Just relaxed confidence
~My circle of friends and associates have been looking at me differently. Its like they can sense something different but they can't put their finger on it
~My face looks brighter and I don't look as tired as I used to. I feel and look a lot more alert
~Life feels more...real. There is a certain quality of it....
I have to admit when I have those off days, I feel super off. But they have not been as intense and they do not bother me as much. But wow, when you feel off...you feel OFF. I'll just trust the process, keep being social, and try my best to maintain my awareness.
My libido is starting to balance out a little. Sometimes I have these days where I want to start a relationship with every girl I come into contact and some days I am just neutral. The important thing here is that I don't want to just have sex with them. I actually want to get to know them and appreciate them for who they are. I want to fall in love again lol.
Last night I was dancing with a girl and I got hard. That has never happened to me even before this whole PMO thing. I was having a weird, roll around in the bed day and I did not want to go out. But I forced myself to go out and I am really glad I did because I met this really awesome girl and we made a connection.
That is one of the best things about No PMO. When I connect with a chick, I really connect with her. She even called me her soulmate lol.
But chyea. I am half way to my goal of 90 days!!!
Wow. Words cannot describe how great I feel! I feel so much in control of my emotions! I never hear any negative self-talk anymore! I have energy for days. I wake up ready to take over the world.
Big boosts in confidence and the best part...WOMEN ARE FLOCKING TO ME! Tuesday, I picked up two chicks. Made out with one of them. Number closed the other one. Me and her have been talking. :-)
She said she loved the fact that it looked like I didn't care if I got her or not. There was even one point where I walked away from her because she was playing so many games.
I had this great feeling of not caring about what she thought about me. It was either you were down to enjoy each other or your not. Plain and simple. She went up to my homeboy, beat him up, and got my number from him lol.
We went to the club together couple of days later and were all over each other. So much magnetism. Made out and all that good stuff. It was the first kiss since a girl I dated in college where I felt that energy. I felt alive. I felt like we were "feeling" each others spirit.
I went to the club yesterday. The very second I got in, a chick was eyeing me soooo hard like wanted me. I talked to her and found out she had a boyfriend. But yea she was still looking at me as if she wanted me so bad. My friend even commented about how she looked like she wanted to tear my clothes off. She walked away from me. In hindsight, I know she wanted me but got frustrated and left lol such a retarded tease move. Hey don't give me DTF eyes if you have a boyfriend!
Then there was a chick standing next to me dancing and I said one sentence to her and she started dancing all over me. And we connected. Got her number :-)
At the same time, she was playing games so I moved on to the next one. :-)
Then I started talking to another girl and we started making out. I would like to point out: I HAVE NEVER MADE OUT WITH A RANDOM CHICK IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. LET ALONE TWO IN ONE WEEK!!!
The kiss was so beautiful. We both felt the magnetism. She even stopped half way through and started sighing and deep breathing because the kiss was so epic. We made out like three times. Got her number. :-) I feel like she thought that I thought she was easy or something but I really didn't. The kiss was soooo epic.
The girl I mentioned from college where I felt an intense connection and thought she was my soulmate, and thought I was never going to find that feeling again....that I was doomed to live with the fact I was never going to connect to someone again and never find someone like her.....Well, I am blown away. It happened twice in one week. I have this feeling I can have this magnetism with anyone I allow myself to connect with.
The kisses were so dam epic!!!
I no longer look at women as sex objects. I look at them as if they are pretty or not. Plain and simple. No images of them sexing me or anything. I am 100% sure they can pick up on this. I don't feel like a horn dog or that I have to manipulate them to to sleep with me. It's either you want to enjoy my company or not.
I also can "feel" things and I can feel "people". It was pretty weird when I had a glimpse of this early in the reboot, but now it's a lot more subtle. I really don't know how to explain it. I feel like I am entering a new world. I saw someone else mention they feel as if they are Neo in the matrix....I completely relate.
All this stuff has been happening to me in a great and positive way. Picking up chicks is sooooooo easy now. So easy.
This is just a very small snippet of what has been going on. I have collected so many numbers and I have gotten so much work done, it's ridiculous. I feel as if I quantum leaped!
My control of speech is amazing. I never stutter now and my voice has so much more force to it. Looking back at the old me, I feel like I was a bitch. I cant even say the "old me" because I don't feel that person at all anymore. I went through a metamorphosis, and I feel so much better as a person.
To everyone out there who reads this and is still struggling, I am asking you....please stop PMO! It easily is one of the best decisions I have ever made in life. No more relapsing and no more struggling. Just stop.
There is a beautiful world on the other side and an amazing person waiting to meet you....yourself.
Day 56 (also appeared here)
I have numbers and I talk to a lot of different girls. I went from 0 relationships to 3 relationships in 56 days. I had hankie-pankie with 2 girls this week.
The first one I ejaculated like three times in one orgasm. Women love this for some reason lol. They are always surprised by it looolll. I did have a chaser effect.
I felt DRUNK and super tired the next day. I noticed some grumpiness. The 'sun' in my chest went away again and I did see a decrease in my self-confidence but it came back the very next day (24 hours later).
I also noticed that my voice was not as deep anymore. It seems the longer I hold my seed, the deeper my voice gets.
She told me that my voice has her legs trembling and makes her excited "down there". I've always had a deep voice but it sounds different. It sounds really good and I like hearing myself talk now.
She says she likes me because I am so chilled (Thank you no PMO).
The second rendezvous with another chick was pretty awesome too. She swears up and down I am a player. She tells me it a million times a day. I read somewhere when women tell you this its because they are really attracted to you and are trying to frame you into a box to logically explain why they like you. Oh well. It's not stopping her from hooking up with me :)
I tried doing karezza with both but it never works out for me. I am going to wait till I get a steady girlfriend.
On both occasions where I had an O, I was worried I would become the terrible person I was before I started this process...but no. I am still here. I really can't believe porn affects people that much. I really can't believe it!
Another thing I have noticed is that I can sense fear from men my age. It is the weirdest thing. Every time I get around, they FLINCH. This is especially true at my workplace. Seriously, it's like they fear me. I see it in their eyes.
At first I thought it was my imagination but it keeps happening over and over. It's weird. They get nervous around me....maybe I am finally turning into an alpha male!! But when I get around older men, they respect me. They shake my hand and are genuinely nice to me.
My mood has leveled out finally. I am either really chilled or just happy and enjoying life. This is a big improvement from where I was before: suicidal, extreme mood swings, schizo tendencies.
I've been going out every weekend. It's like I have too. If I don't socialize and spend time with people I go crazy. Night time comes around and I turn into this beast!!!
I've also been getting really cocky and self-assured lately. I have such a I don-t give a f%ck attitude. I just know life is only going to get better. I don't know if that's a bad thing....you know what???....f#ck that....it's not a bad thing... For the first time in a very long time I feel good about myself. I have every right to walk with my chest out!
My last blog entry I admitted that I started masturbating again after abstaining for about 90 Days. I did this for about two weeks. When I started masturbating, I started picking up the mary jane again
I noticed the more I masturbated, the more depressed I got and my social anxiety peaked again.
At first there was no chaser, but the more I did it the more crappy I felt and the only way to feel better was to masturbate more.
I've gone 109 days of no porn. This is the longest I have gone without porn since I started. When I started masturbating again, it did cross my mind to watch it again (The brain was saying "Just one time won't hurt...."). It felt like masturbation and porn is like peanut butter and jelly...a match made in heaven lol just kidding.
The first time I started masturbating again, I felt my brain looking for the porn. This is going to be hard to describe...there was a spot in my brain where the porn junk went (memories, cravings, etc). When I denied the porn, I literally felt a collapse or an empty feeling in that part of my brain. Like it just did not exist anymore and my brain realized it. It was like when you clap your hands. My brain was expecting something in between the hands, but then it realized there was nothing in between except air. I am happy I no longer have that addiction.
Im on Day 19 no masturbating and I feel better already. I am starting to feel lucid again and very calm. My dreams are becoming vivid once again.
No girlfriends yet. I am working to move out of my parents house because it's hard to bring a relationship to the next level when you still live with parents lol.
So yea. I had two weeks of debauchery (masturbation + mary jane) but now I am back and more determined then ever. Since I stopped for the past 19 days, I have been getting compliments again! Left and right from women. Trust me guys! Stop PMO and the girls will flock!!!
I have grown a lot as a person. More confidence and I am more outgoing. At first, I was doing this for the girls, but now I am doing it for myself. I have big things to accomplish with my life! Abstaining from this stuff really does give you the willpower of 300 Spartan men!
Day 160+ No Porn//////Day 30+ No MO
Still going strong.
Had a really depressing day in December. This was after 20+ days of no M. I felt really numb. Everything was really boring and flat. I was really tempted to look at porn but I didn't. I moped around the house for hours instead of getting some fresh air. I was crazy bored and sper numb. I did pull up some pics of models and masturbated to fantasy. I really couldn't help it. I was dying and I needed some kind of booster or some kind of pick-me-up. It worked. I felt like I sneezed. Life moved on.
Month and a Half Later
No PMO. I have to admit I am going crazy a little. I have no girlfriendsssssss......no random hookuppsssssss....DRY SEASON
The sexual tension from this experience is PHENOMENAL! It makes me so frustrated that I am not with any girls that it makes me pull deep within to change my life once more. I finally have enough money to move out my parents house. I found a place by the beach and I am waiting for the condo association to approve me by Feb.7th. I can not wait. I will be a free man. I feel so bad for the female sex a monster is going to be unleashed. I really miss having sex. I miss being close to someone. I am sorry if I am going off in a rant but I have no where or no one to vent these feelings too. I miss the smell of a woman. I miss the juiciness. I miss the smell of shampoo. I miss hugging.
I am so deprived right now, its absurd. Its worth it though. I know for a fact I will appreciate woman once they starting piling up in my bachelor pad I can not wait!!!!
Sometimes, I second guess my decision to No PMO, but then I look at how my life has changed for the better. I got a good job, good friends, I am a better socializer, and I appreciate myself more than ever. I am digging deeper now than ever to make my dreams a reality. I am glad I am not masturbating my days away, or sitting on my bed zapped out because I masturbated four times back to back. This is a tough road but it is so worth it.
In my recent 30+ days of No MO, I've had two wet dreams. The first one was the best orgasm I have ever felt in my life. EVER. I woke up hours later and completely forgot about it till I saw the evidence lol. By far the most pleasurable experience in my entire life. I can not even put to words how awesome it was. The next 2-3 days, I felt amazing. I also had another one the other day. I did not rememeber this one at all. I woke up and evidence everywhere. I am so glad it happened though. The inner tension was killing me. I was getting grumpy and tad bit moody. Once I released, I became a brand new man!!! I noticed that both times were exactly two weeks apart, so I am pretty sure that is my body limit. I also saw that after each time, I felt beyond amazing for the next 2-3 days.
I still get super irritated and very defensive sometimes but I am becoming more aware of it and kind of keep to myself or catch a movie by myself or something. The pendelum swings back and forth....but now I am realizing thats just the way life is...good days/bad days. Re-calibrating via NO PMO allows me to deal with the blah days significantly better. I cannot really remember the last time I got depressed or upset about something...
Overall, life is good! I look back at August when I first started and I feel like a completely different person. I have grown so much. I wonder if it really was as simple as quitting porn....and wow. It really was that simple. The only difference in my life between now and before August (when I was whacking away) is I cut out porn/masturbation. In the past 6 months, I have only had 8-10 ejaculations. I used to do that in one day sometimes lmboff.
I am becoming an AWESOME person. I am an awesome person.
I MISS WOMEN!!! A LOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!! and no, no cuddle buddies LOL at least for now
Keep pushing guys!!! The better it gets, the better it gets.
No Porn=160+ Days
No MO=30+ Days
LINK - Read more
BY - alpha777