Age 24 - Day 86: Seriously life-changing.
I've been watching hardcore porn consistently since I was 18 years old, and [looking back] was truly addicted from 19-24 [now]. That's 5 years of my life, wasted on watching some people on a screen have sex with each other in all sorts of weird ways - that I now look at objectively and see to be a pretty weird fetish.
As my porn use progressed throughout college, I slowly fell prey to more and more hardcore shit, like really weird shit, that is now [albeit slowly] no longer turning me on when I think about it, which is one of the greatest feelings of all - to know that my fantasies are returning back to that of a normal, earth-born and bred, human being.
I can't even begin to describe the benefits that have come out of this journey thus far. To name a few that stand out:
- Way more energy and vibrancy [for lack of a better word?]
- Increasing confidence, especially in social scenarios & with chicks
- More time on my hands to do whatever the hell I want that isn't watching porn and subjecting myself to a drug that gives me an immediate, unhealthy release
- Connections & feelings towards woman that I haven't felt in years ... truly since high school
- The inexplicable relief that I feel when someone uses my computer and I feel no angst about them finding some fucked up porn on there
- Some new habits, e.g. meditating [trying to make it an everyday-thing], chasing girls, playing competitive pick-up sports [I find that this kind of competition helps build my confidence and reduce any overall anxiety I may have... trust me, basketball ain't my sport]
- And as is commonly the theme in this forum - an increasingly new orb of light surrounding woman. They're just beautiful, and cute, and playful. And yeah I love to look at them and admire their beauty and sexiness, because we're guys, that's what we do - but it's so much more than that. It's almost indescribable how stopping using porn has made me value woman and the time I spend with them in so much more of a wholesome way
Day 86 - here I come.
My favorite line that I've seen in this forum has always been to change one's frame of mind, to think of one's self as: "I'm not a porn watcher. It's not a part of me."
That line has helped guide me through this fucking terribly hard journey throughout the last 86 days. Here's to 86 more of 'em.
Thanks citizens of the world for being you
I'll try to keep my story straight-forward.
Basically I started doing pornfree because I noticed how drastically porn was altering my life. I've been watching it consistently [5+ times per week] since I was 17-18, about 6 years ago. Since then, I developed a cuckold/girlfriend sharing fantasy because me and a long-distance girlfriend at the time would talk about having sex with other people and taping it/taking pictures as a way to get each other off.
Basically I broke up with that girlfriend, and the porn fantasies continued, and here we are 6 years later, and they're still there.
About 10 months ago I really noticed I was addicted to porn when I couldn't get it up with a girl I was getting with, and I went home later that night and jacked off to porn. That's when it hit me - I've got a problem.
The first 3 times I tried quitting weren't very successful, and the 4th time I lasted 100 days. The effects on my mind & body were PROFOUND. I think I got there by a) meditating b) not using my computer as much c) reading d) using tactics like calling a friend, working out, eating, drinking, etc to reduce urges when they came
But for some idiotic reason I relapsed on day 100, that was like 5 months ago now. In between that time, I had a girlfriend which I actually had a great sex life with ... however in the beginning I couldn't get it up, but I've now realized that's due to sexual performance anxiety, probably mixed in with porn.
But now, that girlfriend has moved back to her home state, and I've been struggling to stay off porn ever since [she moved about 2 months ago].
One of the first times me and her tried having sex when I couldn't get it up, I vowed to myself to never watch porn again. I remember how frustrated I was, I'm pretty sure I cried when I was by myself later that night. That shit is SO frustrating. I never want to be there again, and never will be there again.
I need to quit this porn shit, it's quite literally wasting my life away. I'm turning 25 in about 4 months, my goal is to be completely done with it by that time. I know I'll still have urges - I still had urges when I made it to 100 days, but they were nothing compared to what they are when you're in the throws of your addiction.
Just wanted to vent to you, PornFree.
Thanks for being there. And stay awesome.