Age 28 - DE cured, willpower, confidence & social abilities (karezza)

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couple at the seaA little background to get started. I'm 28. I have been a daily masturbator since the age of 15. I have abused porn on a regular - though not daily - basis for 9 years. The sexual problems that led me to Nofap were DE and the associated death grip. Nofap has been quite a revelation to me on so many levels. Not having had a major porn problem, I assumed the benefits would be marginal, but here is something I learnt; if you think you don't have an addiction, try stopping the activity and see what happens. In my case, a period of quite punishing withdrawal symptoms. How I imagine cold turkey from an addictive substance. This lasted for at least a month.

Something was clearly profoundly affecting me neurochemically as within a 24hr period I might experience the extremes of a kind of shimmering, exultant euphoria followed by a moribund depressive blackness. It was around the month mark that I started feeling significantly better about myself and things started falling into place effortlessly; people seemed better disposed towards me, my body language improved, I started joking around at work more and generally seeing the lighter side of life.

All this was great and more than I could have hoped for but the real take-home from Nofap for me was about willpower. I've been a 10-15 a day smoker for the past decade. Whilst drinking alcohol I used to practically chain smoke. Basically the type of smoker who'd smoke it right down to the butt and then eat the ashtray. Mentally, I was a million miles off being able to expel this habit from my life. But on day 50 of Nofap I had a realisation. Why am I engaging in behavior that in no way serves my health and happiness? That is, in effect, killing me? I kicked that bullshit habit out of my life there and then, and it was easy. What I realised was that abstaining from PMO seriously strengthens your willpower. Go ask your peers if they want to quit PMO. They will look at you incredulously like you asked them if they wanted to quit breathing. This is because quitting PMO is insanely hard and the willpower required to see it through is mind-boggling. If you have a streak of any serious amount of time then you will have strong willpower because this faculty has been utilised and developed, not unlike a conditioned muscle.

So, the exciting part of this from my point of view is idea of taking back control of your life. Before the process I always knew I was deficient in essential character, but I could never figure out why. I am personally not religious but this quote from Proverbs 25:28 illustrates my point (there is enormous wisdom in all the sacred texts, even for the non-religious):

He whose spirit is without restraint is like a city that is broken down and hath no wall.

All things considered, I have had a pretty easy life. I have grown up in the Western world in a time of unparalleled prosperity. To 99% of human beings that ever lived, the conditions of my life would be considered unfathomable luxury and privilege (even though I grew up in a lower-middle-class home in the UK). I am incredibly lucky for the background I have but it is a double-edged sword. If you subscribe to the princple of Hormetism then you will accept the idea that the human biological organism responds well to stress and deprivation, and less well to gratification and comfort. Strength training, intermittent fasting and cold showers all stress the body, inducing positive adaptation. Junk food, a sedentary lifestyle and 5 and half hours of CoD per day will weaken you and turn you into a spineless, flaccid jellyfish. For many of us, Nofap is our very first experience of deprivation. It feels uncomfortable at first but more often than not induces positive adaptation.

I finally came to the realisation that I am the one in the driving seat. I'm no longer a victim of my thoughts or bodily urges. I am the one calling the shots. I choose what I think about and how I respond to my experiences. Having suffered from anxiety and panic attacks in the past, I now see that these were just mental avenues, and now I choose not to go down them. I feel pretty fucking good.

Benefits. Not an exhaustive list by any means:

*better voice tonality (this was noticed before quitting smoking)

*improved athletic performance. Squash, specifically. (Again, observed prior to quitting smoking and commented on by others)

*increased muscle mass

*better sex. 10x better. I now practice Karezza.

*improved confidence

*improved eye contact

*more self respect / self-acceptance

*enhanced social abilities

*more attention from women

I intend to carry on fap free for the rest of my days. This forum has been an amazing help. I have found the humour, insight and support here invalauble.

Stay strong fapstronauts!

Apologies for the wall of text!

LINK POST - 90 day report. The beginnings of self-mastery

by owendontfap

Comments

I love the Inspiration. Nice Quote: He whose spirit is without restraint is like a city that is broken down and hath no wall.
Reading about what you are going through and how this has made you feel is great. I'm on day 7 and feeling pretty low today, as well, have a strong urge for a fap session, with an equally strong urge not to - as I feel like it wont do any good, change my mood, be productive etc., it will be going backwards. Guess I just wanted to write a bit and read an inspiring story.
How do you get through the low days?
Cheers

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Sometimes its hard to tell whats going on - I mean I feel so built up with energy, yet it feels un-releasable, frustrating. I have been quite active - swimming twice a week, hockey twice a week, workout once a week, physical labour at work...I feel it is the only thing really helping me out/that semi satisfies. I have definetely been more liberal with my diet and allow myself indulgences under the basic premise that putting on any weight (not likely anyhow) is easily outweighed by reaching my 90 day goal of no PMO...or sex (sex may or may not happen...still up in the air), however my 90 day goal for PM is 100% airtight. I got this. I got to. I try not to think about it but one day at a time, even better, one hour at a time. That helps keep me tuned in, otherwise I fear I am more likely to wander into bad stuff, or find my hand down my pants just 'touching' or 'keeping it alive..' lol. BTW, if your reading this, know it is just a random write down, out put of my thougths that really feel good to get out, to form into the reality of cyber space memory...basically yesterday and today have been the hardest days yet and I am doing what I can to stay on top of the situation, this helps. Do it.
I have also been reading a good book, the start of the Game of Thrones series, I think that has greatly helped keep me distracted. As well I am studying a course - but that is hard, as it can get boring and tedious and that's when I struggle.
Alright then, Im out. I urge you to stay strong.

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Hey,

so ive been getting rock hard erections and have very strong urges. I haven't watched porn for over a year..., but have been trying to kick the objectification and fantasy masterbation habits, as well as change my sexual desires and controls with my girlfriend. I am trying to get into more love-making style, not for the goal of orgasm (or my pleasure sex), if she wants to please me, great, but I don't want to feel like we have to or should do this or that or whaveter. I want it to be more natural, longer lasting, with no feelings of guilt. I want the same thing for masterbation, if i feel guilty or whatever something is wrong - probably masterbation or fantasizing about other women, or remembering porn, or using images to get turned on, that is all and all wrong. So my new regime will be none of that - cut out images and looking at real girls, whatever. Only my girlfreind. Masterbation will be much more controlled, way less frequent and with no fantasy or 'oddness'. Just plain jane. Essentially it wil become a part of my new healthy lifestyle - mental and physical. So I am proposing for myself at this point masterbation in this framework. it makes sense to me, and if it goes badly then I will reasses and take it back out. the point it is I will stop using it for what it's not - an escape, a 'feel good' because something felt bad or whatever. Simply enjoying my body.
cheers.

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