Age 30 - ED, 130-day report

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The reason I am creating this thread is that I'm hoping it can be used for informational purposes to those struggling with pmo addiction and or ED. I could write a book on my experiences over the last four months, but in light of the FRAT factor, I'm going to do my best to make this an exceptionally abridged version (I'm afraid, though, that it will still qualify as FRAT).

First and foremost, I am 30 years old and began fapping at about 12 years of age. I began fapping regularly to hardcore porn at about 22 years of age and kept that up through age 29. At or near my 29th birthday, I began experiencing ED issues with women. Some of these women were exceptionally attractive, and despite the fact that I felt intensely aroused and into the experience, my penis would be small, shriveled, and, in that moment, essentially useless.

I began NOFAP and made my goal 90 days. I ended up making it just past 100. I can say that it is not easy to make it to 90 days. It takes a full on commitment. If you are going in even 90 percent committed, you should probably save your fucking time. NO FAP 90 is not easy to accomplish-- but it can be done. I can say that the experience tended to get easier and easier over time. The first 30 days or so were very difficult. After that, there was probably 30 or 40 days where I didn't even think about sex. I am heterosexual, but during this time, I was asexual. While that may sound like a bad thing, it really made NO FAP 90 much easier to achieve than I had anticipated. And trust me, your desire for women will return to you-- and it will do so like a punch across yout face. One day you will just be like "damn I need to fuck."

I'm not going to lie. There were some nights where I was damn sleepless because I was so horny and my body was clamoring for pmo. I was so committed, though, that I refused to break. I loaned out both my computers, traded my Droid phone in for a basic phone without internet capability, threw away and loaned out all my porn, slept in my clothes, only touched my penis when cleaning it in the shower and urinating, refrained from watching tv shows and movies with sexy women as I might have been tempted to fap, when I did see something sexy I would be sure to look away; stayed extremely busy as I knew that time alone would equal fap temptation. Of exceptional importance, I programmed my mind to think in certain patterns. I would mentally push out thoughts of sex and think of something, ANYTHING, else.

After about two months, I began experiencing pretty consistent morning wood. I knew, then, that I was on the right path.

I finally fapped a little past 100 days, but was able to refrain from it for the most part over the course of the next month. During the month following the 100 days that I didn't fap, I had sex with three different women and also got a handjob, blowjob, and striptease (which I masturbated to) from a 4th woman. I can say that, for the most part, I had almost immediate erections with these women. It was unbelieveable. I literally did not have to think about my erection-- it was just there. It felt as simple and natural as the blood flowing through my veins, the beat of my heart; my liver and kidneys doing their jobs. My brain had successfully reset-- and it felt great. Even when just kissing these women, I had immediate and unbelieveably hard erections.

I want to let those of you know who are about to start this journey that NOFAP 90 is legit. It saved me. It is a free and attainable cure for a serious ailment. The number 90, in and of itself, is arbitrary-- it is a mean of sorts. Some may be healed after 30; with others, it may take 200. I think it depends on how long one has been viewing porn, how often one viewed porn during that period of time, and how hardcore/abnormal the type of porn viewed was. Whatever the case, this is the cure. Do it. It is worth it.

Regarding all the other benefits of NO FAP, I do believe some of them truly exist, but I believe others come about do to the placebo effect, of sorts. I did feel generally happier, more independent, and more confident. I do believe some of that had to with a change in chemicals in my brain and body. However, I think some of those experienced changes are due to me feeling that I was conquering my problem-- not from the conquering of the problem in and of itself.

I do need to add that I have recently fallen off the wagon, so to speak. I have come to believe that once one engages in one's addiction, there is a flare up, of sorts, that one experiences. Like someone eating a meal who hasn't eaten in a week, one will likely gorge oneself. In effect, that is what I did recently with porn. The sad reality, here, is that once addicted, I believe we are always addicted. It is a battle that we will have to fight for the rest of our lives. It is a batlle worth fighting though-- NO FAP will change your life for the better. I know this-- I experienced it. I felt a general euphoria, confidence, and capability that I hadn't felt in some time. And, of course, I must mention again that my penis started working properly yet again.

Good luck guys. Fight the good fight. Stop jerking off. Not only is it bad for you, it's a waste of your fucking time. It's like sitting around and daydreaming all day long. Stop daydreaming and go do the real thing. Get a real chick. If you're bad at that, join an online dating community and or read some books on how to get chicks ("The Game" by Neil Strauss is pretty legit).

Think of it this way: when it's all said and done and you are at the very end of your life, do you want to look back and remember all the time spent daydreaming, your hand pumping on your cock while your pants and underwear are at your ankles and you have a computer in front of you with a chick getting fucked? Or would you at least want to remember that you tried-- that you really, truly, fucking gave it your all to live life, to experience-- that you positively took advantage of the brief amount of time you were given on this planet?

Good luck guys.

LINK - I didn't FAP for over 100 days. What I learned....

by ScottishB

Comments

Your story, many other stories confirm what I suspect: NO FAP yields an artificial short term euphoria, that is not proved to be beneficial on the long term. For instance, I do not think that getting involved in one night stands is going to help you. For me, the key point is twofold: (i) find back your own sexual imagination and fantasies (the key of desire, being kinky or vanilla is only a matter of tatse), that may lead to M; but you feel it is YOURS and you feel positive about sharing it one day with a girl you like. (ii) trying to get involved in GENUINE relationships (whether they are long term ones is another story).

Now the hardest question: ask yourself why you did manage to stay away from (i) and (ii) ...

Mathyys

and elswhere do not match reality.

Many guys have tried to recover from porn-induced ED while still masturbating, orgasming and nearly all have failed. The only ones that could continue to have occasional orgasm and still recover in a reasonable time are those who did not spend their adolescence watching high speed Internet porn, and had sexual experience.

Your questions about relationships do not apply to someone who started high speed Internet porn at age 10, and is now in their first sexual relationship at age 18. That's 8 years of brain training involving multiple tabs, fast-forwarding, constant clicking, and having escalated to extreme porn. Please see the following to get a basic understanding - Why Shouldn’t Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes? and Porn Then and Now: Welcome to Brain Training and Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? and The Other Porn Experiment

That said, I agree with your advice to enter into a caring relationship.

The questions I have for you:

  1. Did you have porn-induced ED?
  2. How old are you?
  3. At what age did you start using high-speed Internet porn?
  4. At what age did you start having sexual relationships
  5. Have you exclusively masturbated to Internet porn

Many variables are involved with the development of porn-induced ED. You cannot take your experience and apply it universally to everyone else.

First, I want to precise that I by no mean underestimate the gravity of sexual disorders induced by porn addiction, and I truly believe that what you do here is great job. Thanks.

Second, you are completely right: my personal problems with porn came during my twenties, after a ''normal'' and even intense sexual life without any porn. I admit easily that what I said do not apply to people who NEVER had a normal sexual life (with a partner or simply fantasies) and started their addiction very young.

My point was the following: masturbation, fantasies and orgasms are at the core of sexuality. Strict abstinence enables to learn how to ''sublimate'' your libido on non-sexual activities and relationships. However, at some point, you will have to face the fact that eroticism is part of the story. Of course, this cannot apply to people who CANNOT by NO MEAN have fantasies or orgasms without thinking about porn. But it is not the case of many testimonies on this site, where some guys have flirts, one night stands, and even a stable partner.

My personal experience is that using a ''tantric'' approach, where I waited to be really horny, and then masturbating with ''appropriate'' fantasies really helped me to recover from addiction.

Here are the answers to your questions:

1. I think it was a mixture of bad experiences, depression, and porn addiction.
2. 32
3. Late: 25
4. 17
5. No

Mathyys

"My point was the following: masturbation, fantasies and orgasms are at the core of sexuality. Strict abstinence enables to learn how to ''sublimate'' your libido on non-sexual activities and relationships. However, at some point, you will have to face the fact that eroticism is part of the story."

From the above comment it would appear that you do not know that rebooting is temporary - anywhere from 30 - 120 days depending on the severity of porn-induced ED or porn addiction. Have you read the rebooting  page, or the all the material under porn-induced ED tab, or the rebooting accounts, or the links to the offsite threads or blogs or the 9 very long pages of ED recovery stories, or the links to reddit nofap with over 20,000 rebooters?

Please explore the site, learn the basics, and understand what is actually occurring to these guys brains, and what those men who have recovered from porn-induced ED actually suggest.

The whole point of the reboot is to unhook sexuality from 2D pixels and to face sexuality. That is the goal for every guy.

As for your comments on tantra - the material and stories on yourbrainonporn arose from a forum whose subject matter was exclusively tantra and relationships. See the about us page.

No, you are underestimating the quantity of material I read. I also really focused on neuroscience AND psychoanalysis AND cognitive science at some point. It is also very difficult to have a balanced argument through very short posts like those.

First, let us get rid of any artificial technical controversy. If you say that 6 month of complete abstinence is necessary in severe cases, I believe you. It is like for other addictions, the mechanism of associatio etc...

Second, I really appreciate your sentence: "The whole point of the reboot is to unhook sexuality from 2D pixels and to face sexuality". This is really a good summary.

But now, comes the part where I suspect we will strongly disagree. What happens after 6 months ? What really means ''to face sexuality'' ? This will bring to many philosophical, ethical, spiritual questions for a single post.

But let me be very honest. I know you are very much motiavted by your own point of view on the ''tantric'', ''spiritual'' approach of sexuality. Other people in the anti-porn communauty have either religious, or feminist or even political ulterior motives (all of this sounds very american by the way...). My personal beliefs are different. I am a complete atheist, and materialist, in a subtle way yet. And I believe that sexuality is the top of a huge iceberg in human nature which, to be extremely short, concerns life, death, violence, and desire; and is by nature out of control. Love is nice, but it is another matter. This ''iceberg'' contains a lot of power but also, and inevitably, a lot of dark sides, and sometimes very dark. Concerning this anti-porn business, the whole goal of religions, ''spiritual ways'', and now even of some feminists and right wing politics is to try to TAME this primitive aspect of human nature within guys who completely wasted themselves into porn addiction.

Here is now the important part of my point: What I suspect is that those people do not ONLY fight against porn addiction, BUT ALSO against the darkest, primitive part of our sexuality, desire and identity. I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE for doing this. What bothers me they are not HONEST in the sense that they inevitably give a bias to the topic of porn addiction with their own ulterior motives, and because THEMESELVES AS ANYONE ON THIS EARTH HAS A PROBLEM WITH SEX (fascination/repulsion to be very short).

But having a problem with sex is not a problem for me, since it is the fate of human condition. Let us just face it.

Mathyys

First, you don't "know" anything about me, really. As a result, your assumptions about my motivations are incorrect. Contrary to your claim, it is clear from your posts that you have read very little on this site.

Second, you underestimate what I have read. This site has been linked to thousands of other sites in 45 different countries, and I have read threads up to 10,000 posts long. Nofap/reddit alone is over 20,000 members (70% atheists). What's on this site is but a sliver of what we have seen.

Third, keep in mind that as a population they are extremely diverse, so your model of what they need to face or work-out simply doesn't apply.

No offense, but what I see is that you are projecting your own experience, convictions and "iceberg" onto the tens of thousands of others who are addicted to porn and trying to stop. In essence, you are ignoring the core concept we present and men experience - they have an addiction. As they unhook, they experience myriad benefits from altering this one variable. One is normal sexuality.

Fourth, what you are describing is not applicable to today's young men who spend years on highspeed porn, before their first sexual experience. Please see the article about the adolescent brain. (Why Shouldn’t Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes?)

For nearly every guy we see recover from this addiction the process is pretty simple: Unhook from artificial and rewire to the real deal. For the vast majority, the process is not as deep or complex as you describe. When unhooked from porn, mother nature is allowed to take her normal course - and she does just fine.

The hard part for some is that Internet porn is always available and just a click away.

1) Yourbrainonporn.com stands alone. Its relationship with reuniting is clearly described. I'm not willing to provide a platform for your rants about subjects not related to porn addiction.

2) Tracking the pages you visited reveals that you have read very little material on this site, and nothing about addiction, including the articles I posted. If you feel the need to post comments, I ask that you first educate yourself.

Sorry for ranting and digressing (although I love it !!), I understand your (strict) position. Don't worry I am an educated man, and I will investigate VERY seriously the material here and think about it twice before posting any new critical arguments.

Again, I did not mean to be agressive (only digressive ;)), really.

See you.

Mathyys