Age 31 - Lonely, couch dwelling, masturbating stoner

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I started masturbating to fantasies around age 5, moved onto masturbating to fashion magazines by age 10, porn magazines at age 15 and high speed Internet around age 18. After getting high speed Internet I would generally masturbate 3-6 times a day with sessions consisting of 1-4 hours of "foreplay" viewing 100's of porn images.  I believe my general lack of confidence around women throughout my life was due to my porn and masturbation habits. This addiction robbed me of my sex drive, and left me unable to fulfill my then girlfriend's sexual wants. At 27, after 5 years I left her believing that I was somehow broken because I felt no desire for sex.

Shortly after leaving her I started to experience erectile dysfunction when hooking up with women. At first it was when trying to put on a condom, but as time went on I just couldn't get it up at all, even with cialis/viagra. After this I really started on a negative spiral. What sexual confidence i had left fell apart from repeatedly bringing women home and not being able to perform. I turned to a lot of drugs, drinking and even more masturbation.

About a year ago, at age 31 I started to accept the fact that I had an issue. I read all the documentation I  could, sobered up, started exercising, changed my diet and lifestyle, still nothing helped.

Then by some miracle I found yourbrainonporn. I took the next day off work and read everything I could on the site. That very day I decided to quit porn, masturbation and orgasm. I just wanted so badly to have a normal sex life that it was a no-brainer. 

The first couple weeks were fairly easy, I was optimistic and my sex drive was nicely revved. After this however I really started to experience a lot of withdrawal symptoms. Irritability, sleeplessness, anxiety, sadness, depression, it was really tough! Since masturbation had been my stress-coping mechanism for most of my life it was hard to dissipate the stress. Sometimes I would just crawl in bed, roll around and moan. 

By week six I was getting pretty descent morning wood, and would get hard making out with a girl, which for me was MAJOR progress. There were also other positive changes, I became much more social, women were a lot more responsive to me and I had the energy to accomplish goals I had been putting off for years. This was a huge change from the lonely, couch dwelling,  masturbating stoner I had been for years.

Sex was still a bit tricky... I would get a hard on but it would disappear almost as soon as I noticed it, leaving me unconfident in attempting actual penetration. I decided something was still missing, so I stopped fantasizing and touching my unit altogether (except for non sexual kegal and deer exercises). This led to another month and a half of crappy feelings, albeit much less than the initial period.

After about 3 1/2 months, I was feeling great, I had only masturbated maybe 5 or 6 times, which was awesome in itself but my life had also turned around for the better. I was still not getting the strong erections during sex that I wanted but I was optimistically hopeful. 

One morning I woke up feeling really relaxed and sexual. I realized I had been so anxious all along and it was what was messing up my erections. Within a week of taking on this relaxed vibe I had sex and my erection was powerful and strong. Even after sex it stayed rock hard for another 15 minutes. I was so happy!

This relaxation step was so important for me. I didn't realize how much performance anxiety I was holding onto about women and sex. Relaxing allowed me to get a hold on the fear which had interfered with every aspect of my sex life, from first meeting a girl and getting her number to confidently taking her to the bedroom.

My sexual confidence is really rebounding! In the week or two since my first success I've had sex with 3 different women, sometimes I'm harder than others (depending on my level of relaxation with the girl) but so far I'm always able to get the job done. What I like is that so many women turn me on now, not just hot porn star types, but average looking and even chubby girls too, and I don't need to be drunk to flirt with them!

The progress over the past 4 months has been truly amazing and I'm so grateful! 4 months ago all I dreamed of was to have any kind of normal sex life, but after this reboot I'm  starting to see that the sex life of my dreams is very attainable! It took a lot of dedication and it was really tough but I can say it was worth it. Life feels worth living every day now more than any other time in my life and somehow things just keep getting better.

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by Absolvo