I’m basically three months free of fetish porn. Still failing hard at nofapping, but voila, I can get full erections to straight porn and thoughts. This is fantastic, this means I probably can get myself in a functional relationship. Honestly that is pretty unbelievable, before I started I was doubting if I ever gotten hard to straight stuff. Fetish is still arousing though (heck if it was not I would never have fapped to it would I).
Problem is, the OCD is still nagging at me. I have no dysphoria, and fully identify as male, but reading the posts at askTransgender has instilled this irrational thought that I would somehow develop gender dysphoria and get some kind of intense envy looking at women. This gives me great (but irrational) anxiety.
Last time the TOCD flared up was during exam period, and they pretty much vanished afterwards. Now I am having exams again and they are flaring up again haha, so I guess it’s tied to my anxiety.
Gonna try out meditation in order to shut out the irrational thoughts.
by n321cba
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