Depression, social anxiety, apathy - all fading away. Feelings coming back.
I have been suffering from depression since my freshmen year of high school. On top of that, I have had insomnia problems, high social anxiety, and apathy.
But around 35 days something was starting to change:
1) Sleeping problems have gone away
I actually kind of have the opposite problem now, I can sleep basically anywhere. I used to be able to be woken by the slightest crack of light from under the door or the drip of a faucet, but now I can sleep through Rush's Clockwork Angels at almost full volume in the car if I wanted to.
2) Feelings are Returning
Now this is an important one, as guys, I know that we can overlook this one a lot for reasons of trying to look "macho" (also fuck that word), but emotions part of the main reason we have words and logic. If we had no emotion than where is the logic and reasoning to not kill someone else besides your own self demise? If we don't have the empathy towards human beings it becomes very hard to care about anyone but yourself.
Especially with women, I realize somehow how their brains work again. I believe the stereotype holds some truth to it, women do use emotions to validate their reasonings more than men do, but it doesn't make them stupid for it. In fact, logically reasoning everything has it's downfalls too especially in relationships with other people I have found out. People don't want someone that is handing out facts at a party, they want someone that is playful, illogical (to an extent), and rowdy (also to an extent).
The last thing I want to note about emotion is synesthesia. Synesthesia helps me learn; learning needs a relevant context to actually retain the information. What synesthesia does for me is give me that relevance. For example, if I wanted to learn a Chinese character like “梦” then it already going to be retain because it's meaning and shape makes me taste and smell peaches, so I remember it as that character that tastes like peaches and sounds like sand paper. These associations have grown immensely stronger since starting NoFap, and it has given the world so much more meaning to me because of it.
3) I'm more happy and energetic
See, with depression, I have had this thing that goes on with days for me that works like this:
- Good day = Bad day next
- Great day = Horrible day next
And not always vice-versa.
Now this past week, something amazing happened:
- Monday = One of the best days of my life!
- Tuesday = One of the best days of my life!
- Wednesday = One of the best days of my life!
I even tried to tell myself, "The next day is going to be horrible", but it didn't happen until thursday but it wasn't nearly as bad as it used to be. The consecutive great days never happened before. There was really no reason that I felt good those days. I just felt like it, and it make me want to do stuff more.
But there is one thing that I'm hoping will eventually die down: I get 2:30 feeling hard. It always happens around 1:00. It is almost impossible for me to do anything that isn't sleep around that time, but it doesn't outweigh all the other perks to NoFap.
4) The one you've all been waiting for: Girls!
I started noticing it about a month ago. Girls give me looks, girls touch me, girls want to talk to me, girls talk about me, girls are giving me IOI's wherever I go. Some of the IOI's could be just me being overconfident, but I welcome that! Overconfidence will just get me more self-esteem and thus more women and people general to be interested in me.
I always hear people say, "I always feel like I can say my past self was dumber than I am now". I don't believe in that, and women are one instance where it doesn't apply for me. The fact of the matter is in middle school and freshmen year of high school, I was a DAWG. I used to be the guy that every girl asked out at least twice, the guy that girls want to cheat with (of course I don't believe that doing so is right, but it did happen and almost happen another time), the guy that flirted with almost every girl. I remember I had a friend, Kevin, that was bad I getting women back then, and he asked me for help. I gave him my tips and then he became that same guy pretty quickly, but then, I lost it, and it just so happen to be the same time that I starting getting into some harder stuff. Tables turned, he was the great chick-magnet, and I was the frustrated chump. Now, I'm starting to get it back, but that is with the help of Seddit and other readings from the seduction community. Seriously, everyone, Seddit and NoFap go hand in hand (or hand in no hand), especially if you happen to have a penis. Even if your a "natural", pick-up material will make you realize what you're doing right a make it conscious or, like me, make you realize what you were doing right.
I have been telling myself that after 90 days, I would try to fap again, but it's too much of a risk. My life, my life, and again, my LIFE is coming back. I'm starting to feel whole. Some people say that you need to take things in moderation in your life, not just throw them completely out of the question. But how about things like cyanide? Do I want to take cyanide in moderation? No, that would kill me. Same thing would happen to me spiritually and mentally if I masturbate or look at porn.
The hardest part is making the horniness comfortable.