ED Recovery Stories 6
The following "ED recovery story" pages contain shorter accounts.
Had awesome sex (but quick lol) tonight after about 24 days doing NoFap standard mode.
Have not been able to keep up a good E for a long time.. Tonight, no issues, felt strong like I used too. Don't waste a good E on a screen, save that shit for someone you love.
Love this community. Stay dry brothers.
Hi guys, my name is Travis. I first learned about the dangers of high speed internet porn a little over a month ago after I couldn't sustain an erection while in bed with a girl... talk about a awkard situation lol. When I was about 14 years old I started masturbating but I started immediately with some form of a stimulant (usually YouTube). I would masturbate about 1 time a day for the next 5 years of my life. I never really watched any porn that would be considered "extreme".
Anyways, since then I have devoted myself to staying away from any forms of porn, even including Instagram photos and Facebook, while also abstaining from MO'ing. It's been about one month now and I'm seeing progress. My flatline hit about a week after starting this process but I think I'm beginning to see the "light at the end of the flatline". The first couple weeks of the flatline my dick was soft 24/7 except for when I woke up in the morning (I have had morning wood for as long as I can remember).
However, lately I have been noticing a slight increase in labido. I will have moments where I feel pretty horny and can even get an erection just by touching my dick a little bit. I am in good shape and have been going to the gym regularly for the past 4 months. I start college in literally 1 week at Michigan State and I'm nervous about how I am going to handle my situation while there. I know girls will be interested in me and I really want to mess around but I'm afraid I'm still not ready. Any suggestions? Would it hurt to try and get into bed with a girl? I've only been rebooting about a month so I feel like I might need at least another 1-2 months.
Hey guys, 3 months
I'm a few weeks ahead of you and I felt the same way you are feeling when I was at 50 or 60 days! There is a feeling of emptiness and you think "Great, I've come this far. What's next?"
For me it took close to 12 weeks to notice more changes. This doesn't imply that you will be fully recovered at the same time but it may give you some idea about when another turning point may occur. My best advice is to stay off the porn and begin spending time with women. Don't be focused on finding a partner, instead just appreciate the friendly interaction. If you expose yourself enough, there should be plenty of women who will give you signals. Thanks to being off 2D-stimuli, you are capable of reading these signs now.
Best of luck!
I gained 0.4 inches in circumference (in my thickest and thinnest points) and 0.1 inch in length. Finally I can be hard with little stimulation. Also my libido is skyrocketing, even though I use finasteroid. (cutting it off today) keep on going guys! We will never fap again.
Just a few days ago, I posted to /r/sex regarding experiencing mild erectile dysfunction-like symptoms. When I typed out that post, I was PMO free since Sunday; this was not by choice. I was simply too busy with work and other things to make it happen.
I went out of state for work until that Friday. This left me PMO free for a total of 5 days before I returned to Texas. I had an evening planned with my wonderful girlfriend, and went to her place shortly after I made it home. On the drive back, I mentioned to her that I hadn't gotten off in 5 days, and because of that, I would be noticeably more horny than what she is used to. She liked the idea, and couldn't wait to assist me in finding release.
In my thread on r/sex, I mention that I very frequently have issues maintaining as well as achieving a 100% full erection. That night with my gal, those symptoms were almost completely absent for the first time in months. The very second I received any sort of sensual touch that evening, I was rock hard. It didn't diminish at all. Fellatio felt twice as good. This isn't a sex post, so I won't go into detail, but I went full alpha male on her that night for at least an hour. She certainly liked it. An hour later, I still had the energy in me for a bedtime round 2.
Prior to these sessions, I would last an hour or more, but not because I wanted to. My penis must have just gotten used to my own hand's masterwork, and thus required a lot more stimulation when partaking in PiV. This was absolutely not the case. That hour was by MY choice this time. I felt like I could have exploded at any moment, but I was able to keep my cool. I'm glad to know the kegels actually work too! :P
I was also able to orgasm from oral alone for the first time in my life. And in such a short time! The morning after the previously mentioned evening, I was treated to a quick morning blowjob before my gal headed off to work. She got me off in what had to have been less than 3 minutes (and I still came buckets!) This has never happened without my interference towards the end, and ESPECIALLY not that quickly.
After seeing /r/NoFap mentioned elsewhere and doing some quick reading, I feel like this unexpected sexual high is due to refraining from PMO. I'm going to give this a shot and see what I can achieve!
wow - Huge erection today just from sitting and thinking of bikini girls, have not had this for years!
Works for me. Took about 14 days. Still have a ways to go but can perform without any help. For me it seems to be the porn but I am sure directing all my sexual energy at my spouse is also a huge factor. Your mileage may vary and it could take longer depending on a lot of factors. Keep at it, it is worth it.
I'm loosing track of how long I've avoided porn for - it's at least 4 weeks and maybe 5 now. Working from home today which could have been a potential day I would relapse buts it 2pm and nothing - also been having some great sex with my wife and over he last couple of weeks experience morning wood again, sporadic erections through the day and more horny than I've been in ages
I agree with "internal_idiot". You need much more time. You have to be patient and take this brain damage of yours very seriously. Gary Wilson has warned us about this. He said that some of the youngest guys need up to 9 months to recover. I myselv have done 7 months now, and think that the "rebooting" takes a lot of time. But now I am sometimes able to have sex. 207 days ago I had completely ED just like you describe. I coult use 3 hours every day to seek for the best bootys on the net.
The changes started after day 180. The difference in my life is like this:
Now I am able to focus on my work. Now I don't stop working every hour to look for porn. I can go through the hole day without thinking about sex. But when I suddenly see a nice ass, then I immidiatly allmost go crazy about it. Then I find my self - opening my mouth and eyes wide up and stare like mad at her. As you see - I think much less about sex, but when I suddenly do, then it's because I see a real woman and then the feelings are suddenly intense. I like this new life much better.
This is what a wrote at the beginning of Nofap for me:
"At the Age of 20 I went to a doctor who gave me Viagra and some other ED-Meds which didn't work for me. Another Doctor gave me powdered viagra and ixense (based on the dopamine-antagonist apomorphine) which lead at least to some degree of erection. But another test, cavernous body auto-injection therapy, failed Diagnosis: venous leakage. The Doctor told me about Penis-Prothesis....... After this diagnosis I suffered from very, very bad feelings, my self-esteem did not exist any more, today I think, it was the first time, depression striked on me."
Since day 24 I woke up on 3 Days with nice morningwood! I did not experience this for many years! Holy Shit... Nofap is working !!!
Yesterday I was licking my girlfriend and during this process I came without stimulation... I am feeling like 13 and not like 31!!!
Just wanted to share this with you. Stay strong everybody, don't ever let PMO destroy your life! I will never ever fap again! http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1hhlfm/nofap_is_curing_my_ed/
So i just touched my penis and i managed to get it hard!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY!!!! IT WAS LIKE 95% HARD AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN FUCKING DEAD FOR SO LONG IM SO HAPPY OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!
Yeah its still got like another 5% to go but hell give it 2 weeks and I'm sure ima be good ))))
Well guys it finally happend. Been seeing a girl and last night we had sex. Tried 2 weeks ago and I couldn't get it up. Last night I received my first bj, and had no trouble getting it in. Rock hard for a good 10-15 min and although I didn't cum, it felt amazing.
I know I'm not fully cured but sharing something with a girl is the greatest feeling ever and want you guys to keep pushing and stay strong. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Did not expect this but gradually started to notice my orgasms getting more and more powerful and last one was just mindblowing - never ever could i achieve that level of unreality by fapping. Although had some ED on the way but it is fading out already and i feel the confidence rising again from the drop that was caused by the recent ED's after quitting Fapping.
While i have not met none of you - fellow fapstronauts - i feel a strange connection between MEN that are on the same mission. That helps.
hope nofap is doing well for everybody.
i reached my 60 days on noFAP, and it's pretty hard! strong urges are back... and i regret my flatline period so hard! yesterday, i had a wierd wet dream! i realised it while dreaming, that i was having a wet dream, and i was like: woooow at least!
i have to confess i edged yesterday but alone without any Porn, and it was like WOW! i don't want to anticipate but i thing my ED is maybe cured... last week i was with a guy, and i couldn't hide an erection that lasted almost an hour... i was hard like hell, but didn't go further just because i want to achieve my challenge and reach my goal: 90days...
i think that the reboot is going right... i feel that my libido is at its top everytime i see a hot guy in the street or while working out...
i'm disgusted by every porn my friends try to make me see, so i'm proud by my new behaviour against it.
insomnia is almost gone too... i'm more productive at work...
but THE problem, is the STRONG urges! i can put cold water on my D... even ice! it doesn't work at each time! but i try to resist the more that i can.
socially, i'm more open to go out, have drinks with friends, seems like i'm a new man... its silly to say that, but its the feeling i have! some friends think that maybe i have sex EVERY NIGHT and that's why i'm becoming more seductive and more attractive! (if they only knew!!) in fact, when you stop fapping, and you get rid of the flatline, the anxiety and stuffs that happen in the beginning of the streak, you become more open, more funny, so more attractive to some people! it's my conclusion!
wish me luck for the next month! and prepare yourselves to come party with me! (one flight to Morocco! COME OOOON! everybody's invited!)
What's up guys, about to head to bed and was going to save to post this for some other time-- but figured I'd get it out here…. maybe it will help someone tonight.
I don't know if I've ever given any background info on myself and this whole "community" thing, but I basically stumbled upon this stuff sometime during my sophomore year of college. Got into a little bit of David DeAngelo stuff, some other crap I can't even remember the name of.. and actually found Conquer Your Campus pretty early into this. Which was great -- didn't really get into weird "routines" or peacocking or anything like that.. maybe a little bit of "cocky/funny" but I didn't do too bad with that, and then got Unbreakable when it first launched.
Anyway, sidetracked for a little bit, getting back to the point - I started to get better after my sophomore year in the summer, started approaching more girls, getting better responses, etc. - confidence grew, pushed down more walls, pushed myself even further.. junior year - getting even better, senior year, REALLY starting to nail it down, and then here I am today out of college for a little bit, doing well for myself, awesome girlfriend, etc. and looking back on it- I want to say that, besides getting over approach anxiety, gaining confidence, making new friends, starting social circles, pushing myself socially, going up to gorgeous women and "cold approaching", getting out of my head and having fun, the hardest part of this whole journey.. was when I actually started getting results.
When I actually started to get results, when girls actually were ready to come home with me, it was the hardest for me because my brain was FRIED from Internet porn. Why? Well because I had 24/7 access to unlimited stimulation during my brains most malleable years. During my teen years, and into my early 20's, I looked at, and used as a source of stimulation, hundreds and hundreds (probably thousands) of hours of Internet porn to get me off in ways that I wasn't getting in real life. When I started hooking up.. my brain didn't know how to react. Sometimes I'd do alright but never like I could get off when i first started looking at porn.. so I could blame it on whiskey dick or whatever.. but even when I didn't get that I'd run into problems like not being able to orgasm, going soft in her, etc.
I can tell you that after years of improving my confidence, learning this stuff, approaching, and having it all actually work to get a girl to come back with me--the hardest part was having that all work, being so close to what I wanted and pictured myself having, and then being naked in bed with a gorgeous girl and having her looking at me hurt and saying "you don't find me attractive" (happened more than once)
Now it took me HIGH and LOW of searching for almost a year on to why this was happening to me. I tried a TON of different things to try to help, some of which helped, some of which masked the problem, but nothing really hit me until I read this website and I could relate to pretty much every article I read.
Don't waste your time on supplements, herbs, getting your testosterone levels checked.. anything like that until you read this website and realize how much damage a porn addiction can do to you and your (possible) relationships. If any of this applies to you-
- trouble getting it up with a women, but no problem with Internet porn
- difficulty reaching orgasm
- need manual or oral stimulation to get "all the way hard"
- go soft while inside a women
- been looking at high-speed Internet porn for years and years
- looking at porn almost daily
- under the age of 25 (you're around my age and I assume with the ease of access that we've had during our adolescent years, you've easily fallen into this trap too)
- you're just starting into this and haven't been with a girl (or many) girls and use porn as an aid to get off
- you watch porn a lot in general
Do me a favor and take a look at this site. I've been without porn for a little over 5 months now and can't begin to explain how beneficial it's been to me... The website below explains everything in much more detail and has a ton of fascinating evolutionary and scientific proof to back this up. The good news is, there's a way (altho not easy) to recover from porn-induced problems and addictions. read the article below for an overview of everything in general detail
and then dive deeper into the articles to get much more back up and explanation:
I really hope this helps someone. I've seen a couple of threads on here relating to this kind of thing and I think I may have even started one myself a while ago. I honestly think it's a MAJOR problem my generation (and the ones after) are growing up with and have to face. We are the first ones with this type of ease of access to this type of material so early, and it's a problem that needs to gain exposure and be addressed. Don't waste time, quit your porn addiction and start living a much better life. Hope this helps.
So Friday night I had sex with my wife and, to my surprise, my ED seemed to be gone. Whether that was permanent or not I'm not sure. But it was a great surprise. Had a really good erection that lasted. Felt great to be working like that again. Was a little strange because I was doubting myself the wwhole time but it never failed.
sadly I experienced a strong chaser effect and relapsed the following morning. I should have stayed strong but failed. My wife left me in bed and that was it. The problem I think was the overwhelming desire to fantasise about my favourite niche while lying in bed awake early in the morning. I indulged the fantasy for a few minutes. I did manage to stop. But I think this set me off on the wrong ttrack. And I think subconsciously I then got into the mindset of "well you've blown it now so just go all out". Stupid.
what I can say though is that 12 days earlier when I said I would never again masturbate, giving it the 100% commitment rule, it did help me a lot. And I think I could achieve permanent abstaining from it. This has been a practice run to make me more aware of how things will unfold. But I am sure I can do it.
so today, after the best part of 24 hours spent binging, I am committing again to never again masturbate. Simple as that. It's non negotiable. A simple rule I will live my life by.
Thanks for listening. Just needed to get this off my chest. Feeling down but also feeling ready to work harder at the commitment this time.
GOOD NEWS! Reading this material really helped me. I am a 25y male, M-ing a lot from 13 and probably M/P-ing from 14. I was doing it out of habit.
Then after a lot of time, it took more to turn me on: bigger fantasies or harder P, and I stopped getting hard without touching. During sex I would struggle to get an erection or keep it, especially for intercourse. For me this impacted my relationships from the very start, not completely preventing me from performing, but under-performing and causing a lot of anxiety. Over the past 7 years I haven't held down a relationship, and the main reason for me has been this problem, and all the tension it causes.
Now the good news: When I realised the cause, I immediately gave up P. Over the last 6 weeks I held off M-ing as much as I possibly could. (My best record was 9 days!) I also did a lot of exercise and kegels.
Basically, it all paid off. I just went away with a girl for the weekend and it was the best ever. I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. I still get pretty anxious from all the bad experiences over the years. But I just wanted to tell you all it can work, and it's well worth it!
I just have to stopped by here and thank Gary and this site.
I don't know if I'm quite back to 100%, but if it's not 100% then its somewhere in the 90% percentile. Guys be patient and strong, the reboot works!!! Friday will be 8 weeks for me. Don't know if that's what it will be for everyone but I went through the whole dead dick period and everything. During the process I had sex about 3 times. The 1st time being after the 4th week. Don't take my word for it but I don't believe intercourse slows down the process after a certain point. The next days after the sex sometimes my dick felt like it had gotten even better. Once again that's just me can't speak for others.
I went the whole 8 weeks with no PMO. NO relapses. My only orgasms were from sex. Like I said don't know if I'm quite 100% yet, but this shit is GREAT!!!! I'm actually glad I went through this although it was hard. It freed me from porn and now I have an even higher appreciation for my penis and my erections. I love my penis like it was a person, maybe more lol!!!! Once again thanks Gary!!!! I had to post this to give the guys going through it some hope!!!
- PMOing since... whenever it was I became sexually aware. Anywhere from 1 to 3 times a day. Now 26.
- Had numerous botched attempts at love making. Started to avoid it altogether just to save myself the embarrassment.
- Discovered this place about a year ago, and ignored it for a long while.
- About 5 months ago I tried a hard reboot on a whim. Did very well for 5 weeks until a very stressful new job made me relapse.
- Fell into my old PMO routine for a good long while.
About 2 weeks ago I just got fed up with being alone, so I hit up a dating site. At the same time, I started to abstain from PMO again (with 2 failures). I'll spare you the details, but I eventually got to talking with a very lovely lady, and it turn into a date. And then a second date. And at the end of that date, we went back to her place where things got hot. I had some difficulty at first, but I didn't let it get me flustered. I played it cool and focused on making the foreplay great. Eventually after getting her to climax a few times, I had relaxed enough to get a decent hard on. So we went at it like animals, with my staying power seemingly infinite. This was a mixed blessing because I couldn't really feel much, either due to the condom or still needing more recovery time. Or both. But I didn't care about that; just having wood and being able to pleasure my date were big victories. We had two successful bouts of hide the salami - and I think at one point she was speaking in tongues. The future is promising.
I'll admit, my situation was probably not as bad as some of the folks on this board - and I think maybe 80% of my problem was anxiety/nervousness (but the lifetime of PMO certainly wasn't helping). But if I can have success with the minimal effort I put in, I'm certain anyone with dedication can get better too.
My girlfriend was over and we were fooling around. Usually she just massages my penis or sucks it without me cuming to help me rewire. Last night, she noticed it was harder than usual (she knows about my PIED) so she said lets try. I agreed and it worked...for about 5 seconds and then I came. Does this mean that I am coming to the end of my reboot or having any success at all because a day later I'm not getting as many erections as i was. Did orgasm during sex push me back into my reboot? Is it normal for guys to cum this fast after having sex for the first time during along reboot (8 months)?
It's day 87 my hormones are through the roof right now...I rolling along very strong. I had to write something before I went mad. Erections are popping out of no where...no pun intended. Besides feeling like an animal I feel great. Day 90 is just around the corner! So this past weekend met a beautiful brunette, she actually approached me while I was playing pool with some friends. Got her #, and the following night got phone # of this busty blond. I have a date lined up this weekend which a girl ask me out! That's never ever happens to me....crazy stuff.
For you guys out there still struggling...stick with it. It's worth effort and you guys can do it. The pain period is the hardest of all...but once you plow through you'll reach another level. However a new set of challenges...but hey if you get passed this everything else seems attainable. I've tried several times to quit PMO before I found this community. Now I'm about to hit 90 days...and honestly without this community I wouldn't have been able to do so. This has opened new doors to my life and self improvement. This is just a step to a bigger journey. Plow on!
Most embarrassing moment of my life. Thanks
I've been looking at these boards and the YBOP site, for almost half a year now while I've struggled to kick the habit. I'm about 60-70 days in and definitely in better shape than I was with ED at 20 years old. After craving a real partner about midway through the second month I finally got one of best looking girls I've ever seen back to my place to hang out . Everything was going great, starting making out for about ten minutes when a felt weird but dull pain in testicles and had an erection harder than I've ever had. Needless to say I was extremely happy for the first time in months thinks it was about to happen.When i got my pants off my penis was tucked in my waistband with the head poking out with me on top of her. She pulled my shirt off and giggled when she saw it and started rubbing the bulge in my briefs for a bit. BAM it happened. The thickest, whitest most copious amount of semen I've ever seen, and I used to be a hardcore porn addict mind you.
Tons on her shirt, huge glob on her neck and she made a weird noise I've never knew a human could make and left immediately. I'm trying to be as humorous about it as I can but my younger brother(18) saw her coming down the stairs with it on her shirt. Both him and my dad have cackling like hyenas all day today when I'm around. Don't think I'll live this down for awhile and this isn't the way I expected my family finding out about my recovery(didn't plan on telling them anyway). Besides this incident I've feeling like a champ focused is the best word, won't ever look at P again and don't want to. This site helped me get through this problem that destroyed my sex life and I never really planned on posting, just looked at the forum when I had bad cravings in month 1. But, reading the rebooting accounts really helped and I felt I had to give my bit. As embarrassed as I am, I'm not worried as I'll be going back to Fort Jackson soon and I really don't care who knows back in my home state.
Happy as ever even though I nutted prematurely nutted all over this girl. Still better than where I was.
Good luck guys.
Hello everyone! This is my 1st post so I really hope so that I haven't posted it in the wrong place.
I have been visiting this forum for a month now, and I was seriously astonished how ignorant I was to think that porn couldn't possibly have any bad side effects. What a catastrophic misconception that was! Anyway, I will share with you some of my experience:
I'm 26 years old and have PMO'd from my early teens, but excessevly for last 8 years. At first it was just imagination and fantasies and later on, I have introduced some porn as well. Over the last decade I have had several girlfriends, and I have really noticed that in some particular cases my interest in them was quite low when it came to having sex. In some cases I would emphasis my bad performance as well, but never actually realized that it was porn to blame for the most of it. It really seems like your brain has a totally different expectations about sex when it is so much porn induced. My problem in general was that I could easily spend a couple of hours watching porn (with ease to M and O) and then have some real difficulties to get aroused by a real girl. In some occasions, even if I could get full erection, I could hardly maintain it during the whole intercourse. It was like my whole brain and my whole body become too LAZY when it came to actually satisfy any of my and my girlfriend sexual needs. It was like it expected that someone else would jump in and do all the work for me. I have even used the "work" word...it should never be a work, but a serious pleasure. When you watch too much porn, your brain gets so numb, without you actually realizing it. Your sexual desire rapidly drops and you can't get a proper arousal by the real girl anymore...no matter how hot she may look. This whole thing comes from the 2D visual stimuli instead of the all sense experience. The bottom line is that after a some time, you don't even enjoy it at all...you just feel a need to watch it...like a true drug!
I have a wonderful girlfriend right now, and I really want this to work out. Ever since I dropped my porn usage over a month ago, I felt almost instantly (after a few days) that my desire and interest in her rocketed. So, I am on my 33rd day now from the start of my recovery. I have cut off all porn. I still feel a strong urge to fantasize and I do it sometimes. During this period I have cut off self masturbation and orgasms. Had a few O's with my girlfriend, when she was pleasuring me orally. I don't want to go for the full intercourse yet, but I can tell you this already: my arousal level, pleasure and general mood have all rapidly improved in the past month. So, my plan is this: no porn for life, no self masturbation in the near future and orgasms only with my girlfriend. Really hope that will do what it takes for a decent recovery!
Good luck all!
It has been some time since I have posted in this forum. I have been on this journey for several months; I discovered yourbrainonporn in mid-July. It has not been the easiest road in the world, but probably one of the most fulfilling. Sometimes I reflect on how far I have come, and am astonished really. I laugh at memories of my addicted self. I really needed porn everyday, and looked at porn in some compromising places. Turned down multiple gorgeous women. It makes you into a loser really: always trying to be alone, and not caring about interaction. Probably the worst thing in my mind is that I was not compassionate. I was too busy PMOing to help other people even family members.
Anyway the real update in this post is that I did have sex around a week ago. I used to have ED, but I can genuinely say that I am cured. I was kissing a girl who I have had in my room on multiple occasions, but I had not made a real move on yet. I did not in the past because I did not think we have long term potential. But, if you have a girl in your bed on multiple occasions with the lights off, something is bound to happen. So, we were kissing, and clothes start coming off. My erection was hard the entire time without issue. Its funny because I remember thinking during the moment, Its going to go soft as some point. However, my erection was there every time I looked down; I was checking every so often lls. Sex is good, and not stressful when your erection is good. My ejaculation was crazy too; she said it was the most she had every seen lls.
All in all, the process works. Its worth it. Its worth the wait. PMOing is a waste of life. Hopefully everyone else gets to my point and beyond. Good luck.
Today is day 35 with no PMO. I am feeling like I have this one by the tail and am not going to turn loose!
Was able to enjoy Saturday night with my wife and see that everything is again working properly. The numbness, the delayed or nonexistent ejaculation... all remedied! Did not experience a major chaser effect so far.
What PMO robs from a person is so not worth it. The guilt, the inability to have an intimate relationship with your spouse etc is way too high a price to pay for essentially nothing. The information at YBOP is AN INCREDIBLY VALUABLE WAKE UP CALL TO REALITY!
Here is a short link on a helpful post from Zenhabits. Topic is not PMO but it really applies for me.
Post written by Leo Babauta.
I’ve learned a lot about changing habits over the years, and have taught thousands of people how to do it.
The hardest habits to change, by far, are the ones people can’t seem to control. They want to change, but can’t seem to find the “willpower” (a term I don’t believe in).
For me, some of the things that seemed out of my control: smoking, eating junk food, overeating during social occasions, procrastination, anger, patience, negative thoughts.
I learned one little secret that allowed me to change it all: When you are aware, you can change it.
OK, don’t roll your eyes and stop reading yet. That secret might seem obvious to some, or too simplistic. So let’s go a bit deeper.
When we have urges to eat something we know is bad for us, we often give in. But is it that simple? The truth is that our mind is actually rationalizing why we should just eat that cake, why it’s too hard to not eat it, why it isn’t that bad to eat it. It asks why we’re putting ourselves through pain, why can’t we let ourselves just live, and don’t we deserve that treat?
All of this happens without our noticing, usually. It’s quiet, in the background of our consciousness, but it’s there. And it’s incredibly powerful. It’s even more powerful when we’re not aware it’s happening.
It beats us all the time — not just with eating, but with anything we try to do and end up quitting, caving in, doing it despite our best efforts.
How can we defeat this powerful force — our own mind?
Awareness is the key. It’s the start.
- Start by becoming aware. Become an observer. Start listening to your self talk, observe what your mind does. Pay attention. It’s happening all the time. Meditation helps with this. I also learned through running — by not taking along an iPod, I run in silence, and have nothing to do but watch nature and listen to my mind.
- Don’t act. Your mind will urge you to eat that cake (“Just a bite!”) or smoke that cigarette or stop running or procrastinate. Listen to what your mind is saying, but don’t act on those instructions. Just sit still (mentally) and watch and listen.
- Let it pass. The urge to smoke, eat, procrastinate, or quit running … it will pass. It’s temporary. Usually it only lasts a minute or two. Breathe, and let it pass.
- Beat the rationalizations. You can actively argue with your mind. When it says, “One little bite won’t hurt!”, you should point to your gut and say, “Yeah, that’s what you said all those other times, and now I’m fat!” When it says, “Why are you putting yourself through this pain?”, you should say, “It’s painful to be unhealthy, and it’s only painful to avoid the cake if you look at it as a sacrifice — instead, it can be a joy to embrace healthy and delicious foods, and fitness!”
There are lots of times when “willpower” fails us. These are the times we need to become aware of our minds.
When we are aware, we can change it. This is a small secret, but it’s life changing. It changed my life, because I can now change anything. I watch, and I wait, and I beat it. You can too.
First of all I am Really glad i came over to this web. I always thought i am the only guy who was having this Problem.
i am 27 years old, masturbating since I was 16 and from the last 7 years I started using the porn to masturbate, a lot of different porn categories... I almost know the names of more than 20 female Porn stars.lol.
To get to the point.. I got married in 2008 even though it was a Distance marriage.. and she used to visit me at 2008 April she came to visit me , I didn't know I had ED issues.. and let me remind u from 2005 i didn't had sex with a woman just masturbating.. I always preferred the pleasure that i can give myself.. so in 2008 when I got married and i realized I had ED issues, I was only getting hard when she gives me head.. and when I am on Top of her, I used to do it fast so that i don't get soft or loose erection which leads to ejaculation, but when she is on control she loves doing it slow which makes go limp, and she looks at me when I go soft, and she is like what the hell man.. what is wrong?.. I am a fitness freak so I gave her the excuse that I used STERIODS.. which I never did.. just to cover up my shame .. I used to take Viagra secretly..sometimes came perfectly and sometimes i ended up in an epic fail..( I mean like when we wake up and she needs sex.. like when we come back from hanging out.. there was sometimes that I didn't got my secret weapon ready, I mean which I didn't take viagra.. it ends in fail)
Long story short, we had a big fight (related to family problems)... it got ugly, and I gave her a divorce.. in 2009.. I was a jerk and I emotionally hurt her.. but man I am telling u.. if a woman knows your weak spot.. she will hit u right there.. she started emailing me and talking about my erection problems.. like lets us see what your family says about when i tell them that u couldn't sexually perform .that u couldn't satisfy me... and she used to make jokes about it before we even fought and Divorced.. like sometimes when I start to kiss her and touch her boobs .. she looks at me in a disguise ( just that look in her eyes, used to kill me deeply) and in a joke way used to say.. Hey, Don't start something u can't finish.. and it Kills me deeply.. but I got mad at my self.. cos I knew I did this to myself..
I swear to god, I even thought about getting a tattoo done on my Balm.. written in a Chinese as a reminder message like DON'T DO IT, BE A MAN,.. so that I can see and stop myself when i am getting off the track.. No I am not from China.
Anyway.. before I came to this web .. I knew porn and masturbation was the only problem that caused my ED. .. so I decided on my own, and started to stop watching porn/masturbation.. After a month i couldn't go on .. I masturbated to a SASHA GREY video.. now.. on 19.december it will be 2 months.. .. And I am feeling a lot better.. confident/happy/ . but I can't stop staring at woman.. even though i look at them differently now.. (before stopping porn/masturbation, I was like.. oh man, this ***** looks sexy, i wish if i can put my mushroom tip deep inside her walls and *** on all over her face..) All perverted porn mentality.. But now .. I enjoy their beauty in a totally different way.
So, guys ... u might not had a bitchy woman like my ex in your life.. totally Unsupportive.. but i am telling u.. that kind of woman can make u hate life, and hate ur self..
if a woman knows your weak spot .. she will hit you deep there, every time you had a fight with her.. or you say something about her.
And trust me nothing is worse than that for a man... so please for the sake of your inner peace and happiness .. and the great Manhood confidence u have when u know everything is ok there.. Quit Porn/masturbation.
By the way.. I never thought i will share this problem with anyone.. But I am glad I came through this community. I will keep posting my progress.. All the best Guys.
P.S. i met a very sexy Indian girl now... we are not in to sex yet.. but I will keep posting.
Hello fellow travelers, it has been 6 weeks since I have looked at any porn. And 5 weeks since I Masturbated and 4 days since I touched my penis. Last night I had a very bad night. I could not sleep. Thoughts about porn scenes keep creeping into my head as I tossed and turned and tried to fall asleep. My hand would instinctively touch my self. It was a real battle to keep my promise to my not to touch it until I felt healed. I think my brain was trying to get me to go back to the old routine (PMO). The good news is that I held firm and did not indulge.
I hope this is a good sign that the healing is progressing. I have faith in this process. I am also beginning to understand how porn has affected my relationship with women.
Advice to other new guys like me, read all the material available here. There are a lot of to learn how you got screwed up. I wish I had found out about problem a long time ago. I have always heard and still read that masturbation is good for you. So I guess it is OK on a limited bases but not with porn. Your brain likes porn but gets bored easily and wants higher levels and more strange or weird stuff to keep the game going. I hate that this is taking so long.
Stay strong and don't give in to a brain wants back in the game.
I had inexplicable ED sometimes. First, with my GFs I would compensate by getting good at going down on them and delighting them and me with giving oral sex. But of course that doesn't replace intercourse and eventually I'd lose the girl.I got over this mostly when I first met a girl that I ended up marrying. I still have ED now and then for no particular reason but here is what helped me: The bottom line is to realize that "I" had no control over my penis at all. It would do what it did. I realized that really and truly whether I ever maintained another erection in my whole life wasn't something "I" could dictate to my penis.
And I would watch and see what happened. My anxiety dissipated quite a lot from that and led to my losing my anxiety and resulting ED most of the time.
That realization led to a lightness that really helps reduce anxiety with regard to getting hard or not, in general. I just watch and see what happens with my penis and give it its life. Whether it wants to be erect or not is its business more than mine. It sounds strange but it really works this way.
Also I highly recommend you read about soft entry and karezza as this reduced my anxiety and opened up a new world that is far, far better than regular sex ever was. And this all de-pressurizes the situation because even if you can't perform at first, often you end up being able to perform by entering your GF while still soft and then seeing what happens. It's really great.
tl;dr: My ED is cured after only 8 days of PMO, at least it certainly seems like it!
Seriously? THREE YEARS of weak erections, going soft inside, having problems finishing, decreased ability to satisfy her, going soft with no recovery if the slightest hiccup occurred... the most recent SIX MONTHS of not being able to get it up at ALL no matter what fantasy she was willing to act out for me...
And all I needed to do was nofap (no PMO actually) for 7 days (as of last night) and the problem is solved? I mean I was as hard as a steel pipe, satisfied her like I haven't been able to for years, and could have kept going much longer if necessary.
I can't believe I let (fill in the blank) tube.com steal three years of my manhood.
No way I'm EVER going back to that!
8 days as of today! ED Cured! No P. No M. But a great mutual-O, with the woman I love.
Note from YBOP - i asked this man if he was about 50 years old. He confirmed that he wired to the real deal for years before using Internet porn. His ED may have been largely psychological, rather than physical. His response:
You're exactly correct. I'm 50 years old. I've been in a very long-term relationship with a woman who I love very much. We've had many years of great sex.
Before that I had many years of masturbation to old-fashioned porn like Penthouse and Hustler magazine.
I'm assuming I have very deep pathways towards normal gratification. I guess I just fucked that all up with the Internet porn that's become available over the last 3 to 5 years.
I apologize for any typos. I'm using speech to text on my phone. I'm about to go meet a very happy and sexually satisfied woman for lunch!
MedHelp - EdrummondFellas fellas fellas!!!! Stick with this plan!!!...I personally felt like no one wanted to be cured more than me. I followed the plan and got my first opportunity to see if it worked. I honestly believe I had the worst case of p e n the world...10 to 40 secs. My erections have improved to about 85%. I am living proof that this stuff works but u have to be strong and restrain from all PMO activities. I had one relapse in 90 days but I got my chance see if it worked with a new girl. stamina was back like never before. I couldn't believe it!!! Had to give my feed back, hope it inspires someone...be strong and you will be rewarded.
(This is a follow up to my earlier 30-day report "30 Days and 90% Successful Sustained Oral")
Now getting erections and strong arousal just by involuntary fantasies of real women I know! Last time that happened was when I was a teenager. I used to think that it left me coz of age and there was no way to get those "awesome days" back again, and that it was "normal" for that type of stuff to leave me. Now I know I was wrong. No PMO rocks! (I'm in my 30s, people!)
I came back to write I thorough explanation. Research is below.
How long without pmo?
Did you have ED? Is it cured in every single way?
While eating healthy is universally regarded as important, this is the first time anyone has claimed this is enough to cure addictions. Could it really be so simple?
1. Read my timer.
3. Yes if eating foods with fat soluble vitamins. I will explain below.
What makes you say you have finally succeeded?
1. I don't need external stimulation or exercise to raise my neurotransmitters. They are balanced because of my continuous intake of fat soluble vitamins.
2. I feel like I have a steal rod in my back every single day. Like a gorilla.
3. I get erections from the pheromones of the women in heat on the bus.
I am probably still rewiring however I have gotten to the point where I don't need anything else but whole foods, leafy greens and the Vitamin D supplement to keep me happy!
For those that understand science..
Vitamin D is part of an ancient complex molecular script. It does not work alone. In fact, vitamins A, D, K, and E work together, and the newest research shows that these lipid-based molecules are all powerful antioxidant nutrients that are intricately bound through shared receptors. They balance and enhance each other and, as a group, profoundly influence genes, immunity, inflammation, and the healthy balance of lipids in our bodies.
Retinoids (Retinol, Retinal, Retinoic Acid) are the active forms of Vitamin A, which we are able to produce ourselves from carotenes(beta-carotene/alpha carotene) when Vitamin D levels are sufficient. Vitamin D stimulates the biosynthesis of thyroid hormones(T3/T4/TSH) and T4(thyroxine) is the thyroid hormone that stimulates enzymes needed for conversion of carotenes to Retinoids. We don't need Vitamin A supplements as suggested with the research below; we need to eat leafy greens and get sunshine.
- In addition, in neuronal cells RA(Retinoic Acid) regulates the expression and activity of tyrosine hydroxylase and dopamine b hydroxylase (the enzymes that synthesize dopamine) and the dopamine D2 receptor.
- In retinoid receptor knockout mice, a locomotor deficit is evident that is accompanied by decreased dopamine D2 receptor expression.
Role of retinoid signalling in the adult brain - http://www.roaccutaneaction.com/Studies/2005.Lane.pdf
Activation of Retinoid X Receptor increases dopamine cell survival in models for Parkinson's disease
Vitamin A/D doesn't only express dopamine receptors. Serotonin and other neurotransmitter receptors are expressed by Vitamin A.
13-cis-Retinoic acid alters intracellular serotonin, increases 5-HT1A receptor, and serotonin reuptake transporter levels in vitro.
Fat soluble vitamin deficiency is so epidemic in mothers that babies are born with deficiencies of these vitamins, especially vitamin K. Babies have to be given Vitamin K shots at birth by law!
I don't recommend supplements because they lack minerals, which are needed by the brain and the rest of the cells.
There is a lot of research on the internet, by using simple keywords on google, a lot of information is available regarding the expression of neurotransmitter receptors by fat soluble vitamins.
Have been rebooting now for 60ish days. Last night I went out, met with a girl I know, and as things got a little hot and heavy - and found myself getting hard! Was probably about 50 or 60% hard.
Before reboot I met the SAME girl and did the SAME stuff with her, but felt no reaction downstairs at all. So I've now experienced the improvement that rebooting leads to. What I need to make sure of now, is that I leave it another 60 days before I actually have sex...because I could tell that my recovery is not complete and orgasm would probably delay it's completion.
My reboot is progressing quickly which would suggest that my PIED was never actually that severe. I just PMO'd once per night for years but never had binges. However quick or slow your reboot progresses, hang in there and keep going. It DOES work. Perhaps you can't believe that now...perhaps you think you're the only one it won't work for...I thought crazy shit like that but it WILL work.
I believe that my fast improvement comes down to this: no relapses, and keeping myself busy with non-sexual activities every day. Like I said I am only partly healed but just thought I'd tell ya'll to hopefully provide a bit of inspiration
I hit 90 days this morning. It is currently 9:12am, I've already showered, eaten, made my lunch and done all the preparation I need for the day that starts at 10am.
I've only been back to University about a month or so and I'm already infinitely more productive than I was last year.
I failed once at NoFap after about 22 days. This is my second attempt and at this point I really don't ever see myself fapping again.
It's become weird.
I still get urges, the last big one I remember was at day 84 where I was desperate for some form of release but the best thing to do in that situation is to get up and leave your computer. Go and speak to someone, put yourself in a situation where you can't fap until the urge has gone. Go for a walk. Regardless. I'm much more confident in general. I don't mind people insulting me or rejecting me for any reason (specifically girls) I've learned to be comfortable in my own skin and trust my judgement, but to welcome mistakes.
Before I started NoFap I was on a year long dry-spell. Since I'd broken up with my girlfriend I had only had one sexual encounter, where I got, yes you named it: ED. ED at the age of 19?! That's unnatural. At the time I obviously blamed it on her in my mind, which wasn't true at all, she is beautiful and sexy, and I see that now. Either way, I have had more sexual encounters in the last 3 months than in the year before it. ED is not a problem anymore.
I guess what I'm saying is that NoFap doesn't change you as a person. But it enhances you. You become a more confident, charismatic, energetic form of yourself. It is something I would recommend to everyone and I thank the community here greatly.
For 3 years, i was unable to cum with my long relationship gf. She loves me so much that she would not care and our sex life was decent but with that major flaw. 2 weeks ago i found this subreddit, 12 days (almost 13) i decided to start this 3 months challenge. 1st week was a complete nightmare: bad dreams, edging, urges, frustration, anger.. fighting with myself every single night. 2nd week i was able to control it thanks to some tips from you guys: exercise, running, keeping myself busy, etc. Today, day 12th i had sex with my gf and i was able to perform perfectly. When i reach climax and came i cried, finally proof that this is working. I feel stronger than ever and have no desire at all to fap. I know there will be days when the urge arises again but this time i know that not doing is more than worth it. Stay strong Fapstronauts, i know i sound like every other post but deep from my heart i can assure you guys, this works.
No PMO since Sept. 29th (posted: 1/10/13)
It seems like my libido is back, after long 4+ months of filling like sh**t. I have MO 7 days back and I don't remember EVER to have such strong erection...it is nice feeling when your erection is "locked". I also never have such strong morning wood. I can't believe I was so dumb not to suspect porn for my weak erections. ::)
Good luck guys!
I'm going to tell more about my story. So first, excuse me for my bad English, I'm French, and thank you for the support.
Until i was 23 years old, i watched porn just few times, so normally. I was with my first GF, and when she gave me a blowjob, my erections were good.
_ At 25, i began discovered porn in the internet. And i began to have porn fantasies. With the time, porn was more important in my life. And i began to have some disorder. Not for blowjob and rubbing her, but to penetrate her. And few times even to rubb her, was difficult. But in my mind no problem.
_At 27 when i changed my GF for an other, i hadn't erection when we were naked, to rubb her pussy with my dick. But i didn't want to see her again, she was not pretty. So for me, no problem.
_At 28, i met a girl. Beautiful girl. But i masturbated myself a lot, every day, and i used porn very often.
So when me and her were for the fist time in a bed, i had an erection in the beginning (kissing, cuddling), but when we were naked, nothing at all.
Even with a blowjob, no erection.
I tried to understand, and i found a French website about porn, but not like YBOP or YBR... They just said that we had to avoid porn and masturbation, but no link with dopamine, with avoiding fantasies etc...
With time (9 months) i tried to penetrate her, with failures and some success, and PE. So less porn (just a few to test myself), less masturbation (just to try to check my ejaculation), and orgasms with her (with some pills at the beginning). So not a real reboot.
But after 9 months of a "light reboot", you can trust me, i was completely rebooted.
No PIED, No PE, but a hard rock erection ! Like a wood, very hard in each time, sometimes several times a day. I was a very good lover for her in the bed (until 45 minutes in her)...
I just have to share, I'm in a bliss right now! I have been having real problems with my libido, all up until today! Suddenly out of nowhere I just spiked a HUGE boner and got so horny on the spot that i almost ejaculated without even touching my self. The feeling was so intense I had to bite my finger and close my eyes just to keep myself from reaching down! I think my ED just disappeared! OMG! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! It was the BEST feeling I have ever had! So intense emotion! This shit really works!
Sorry boys this post is after my like emergency panic post earlier just wanted to introduce myself to you guys. I'm 19 been suffering from Porn addiction for a long time probably first looked at porn when i was 12 totally accident really stumbled on to it whilst watching tv. Anyway i didn't release that porn was causing my ED, i kinda always knew that it was bad just didn't know what it was doing to me.
Tried to quite/limit it a few times but i never really was able to sustain a streak, i would go a month here or there and then binge. Then i met this great girl, and i decided that i was really gonna beat this. I went 68 days and cured my ED i felt awesome, the best i ever have!!
But now i'm feeling fairly terrible, i had a 68 day long streak going was having great sex with my girl friend when then i got black out drunk and relapsed, i'm back with the ED that i thought i was cured. So yeah i feel like super shit and i thought i would turn to this community for your help as i'm really feeling down.
for the (secret) porn lovers. too much porn is never a good thing , no seriously . I was led to make this post after reading threads by Profectus. in 2007, I experienced similar but not as severe symptoms. bottom line, jerking off to videos constantly deteriorates stimuli to real sexual experiences/encounters.. The following links provide more information on the topic.
Prodigy, what's up buddy?
I haven't read the links you posted yet, but I wanted to let you know that I experienced this too a number of years ago. The solution for me was not to ban myself from watching it altogether, but to restrict myself to only imagining real live women who I have seen in person (even if only at the mall, on the street, etc.) while beating off. However, that's just me; we all have different issues, etc.
Interestingly, I found that if I beat off while imagining the woman to be in such a state of ecstasy as to be almost in agony, I could orgasm twice, maybe three times.
Now only a few rare porn scenes really arouse me, but they now arouse me way more than the stuff I used to like before.
I can relate to that - had same problems two years ago. I did exactly what you did and everything went back to normal. I guess porn stops you from using your imagination.
I honestly didnt have that much of a problem with erection but what i noticed was i was with this lady for over 8 months...i didnt mastrubate when i was with that lady as it was my first sexual encounter and i lost interest in porn as i got the real thing to play with...i didnt give it up completely though...but what i noticed was as the month progressed my erections got harder and harder with the lady...which initially surprised me ...it got to a point where she herself would comment that it was feeling like a rock....not that it wasnt hard enough at the start of the affair...it was more than enough to satisfy any girl....but thats not the point...the more days i go without porn the more i rediscovered my sexual ability so to speak...thats what gave me the real push.....thats when i realized that just cause i can pop an erection doesnt mean i was unaffected...thats when the light bulb started to fire in my head...i thought to myself i could be so much better in bed if only i gave up this porn for good and thats what motivates me deep inside...and to this day that lady is trying to get me back...but this time i am thinking clearly with my head not with my dick...thats one more very important benefit that reboot empowers you with....it makes you truly realize your worth...you deserve more...you are the king....you cant be bought by some wealthy lady...you wont sell yourself cheap.
hey guys, so let me give you a little story on why I joined no fap. I'm 20. I came to america from Nepal around 8th grade. I was 13 around that time and that's when it all started. I started masturbating without porn for a couple of times. then I watched sexy music videos and jerked off. then I was watching porn. it started from masturbating and then straight and then ultimately lesbian. I used to jerk off once every day. So none of this was a problem and I lost my virginity when I was 17 and I had no problems. I got it up and ejaculated inside her even though it was a little fast. I also had a girlfriend a semester ago and I had no problem getting it up with her either. I would be rock hard every time she entered the room.
problem arised when me and my friend went to massage parlor to have sex when we were drunk. the girl that I picked for massage was super hot and I was hard when she was naked. but when I was actually inserting inside her, my penis was soft. I could not get hard for the life of me. it was embarrassing and after I got home I researched what had happened and then I stumbled upon this reddit.
I started no gap 20 days ago and it has not been that difficult for me. so today I thought I should try if I could get hard just by my hand touching my penis which I could never do before without lesbian porn. to my surprise, my penis got rock hard when I stroked it two times. I was so happy. I just thought I would share this so that other people can see that if u suffer from pied no fap does work 100% in short amount of time.
I'm 24 and have had what i thought was ED since a teenager. After lots of failed attempts I have not watched porn since July. MO twice this month. Yesterday I had successful sex. Whilst I wasn't 100% erect. I was very close at times and around 85%. I didnt have any worry about loosing it and enjoyed the sex. I was also extremely drunk. The progress i have made is unreal. Gotta keep going through september now. This shows you can MO during reboot (at least i can).
Hi Everyone, I am proud to say I just passed the 50 day mark and completed my first full month in a very long time. I have been on and off of nofap for a few years and a few months back discovered pornfree and the community here is really great, so thank you all. Anyway I wanted to cover how I got here both to motivate myself for the future and possibly give some perspective to others.
Warning: I do use relatively tame descriptions of "relations" especially when discussing PIED, so if that's a trigger for you, maybe don't read this
- 31 years old, male
- Started looking at porn around age 12 and then add in MO consistently from about 14 on
- acquired high speed internet around 17 (general internet addiction and poor sleep cycles also an issue)
- had a number of fairly successful relationships and encounters through and immediately after college.
- Using porn regularly (~1/day single, a little less in relationships)
- Single for maybe a bit over a year, meet a great girl, date for ~3 months. It kind of faded out, but I had my first (now) clear issues with PIED. I blamed it on a lack of attraction at the time because she had gained a bit of weight but I had issues from our first time on and the any attraction issue was also closely related to my ideal woman image as a result of porn
- Discouraged from that combined with a long unemployment and recurring depression (which has come and gone my whole adult life) I went about the past 4ish years being single
- Told myself I needed to be single a while, then it was just simpler until I got myself together, then I wouldn't be good for anyone until I did, then kind of just accepted that I was going to be single forever. There was a morose peace to accepting it. I'm also not really a one night stand kind of person, so I had not had sex this whole time.
- Working on no PMO with little success for about 3 years.
- Fortunately I have a few very close friends and supportive family that helped me weather this all but I couldn't really share all of this with them so still kind of alone.
- Acquired high end VR system and was blown away at how compelling VR porn is. Kind of scared me so actually stopped using it before quitting regular porn
- Started accepting more and more how serious my porn addiction was and after a night of almost no sleep and needing to go to work found myself disgusted (again) with choice of porn (stuff that was much more extreme than I would ever be interested in in real life), and my life in general.
- I've had some serious lucid moments and resolutions to quit before, and this one was definitely on the stronger side.
- Decided same as recent attempts I mainly wanted to quit porn, but would avoid MO as well at first in order to speed recovery and reduce temptation.
- About a week and a half PMO free I meet a really amazing girl (now gf). I was worried I was overestimating her at first because I'd been single so long, but she's the real deal.
- Right off the bat, this was a huge motivator for me to make this time count. I also had a simultaneous unrelated major negative event in my life which actually helped focus me more on improving myself and strengthened my bond with her.
What I've noticed over the past 50 days:
- I'm definitely looking at things more positively and confidently, but probably due to relationship more than pornfree.
- No superpowers (yet). Never expected any, but I know the concept comes up a lot on nofap. Still don't really understand the concept.
- Based off the first week and half, and previous streaks, I'd say my interest in real woman rebounds strongly within a week. My confidence and motivation generally lags behind, although this time was boosted by the sudden relationship.
- Other aspects of my life are fairly normal, but I can notice a slow, growing improvement where making a big difference in one area consistently helps me try a little more in others that need improvement.
- Haven't had any overwhelming urges to use porn this time which I think is mostly due to having a gf and carefully avoiding everything else.
- I really had no concept of how long my PIED would take to recover, but its gone better than I expected. The first few experiences of getting handsy I just made myself more generous as I was afraid of what would happen. First time having sex we were both pretty exhausted from the day and while I was able to get somewhat hard I couldn't stay that way and wasn't close to orgasm. About a week later she tried giving me oral, but again I wasn't able to last or O. I had already made up my mind to talk to her about it
- I explained to her all about where I was at that point (~day 40 no PMO) and that it could take weeks or even months before I would really be able to perform normally, and that it had nothing to do with her. She was really understanding and it brought us even closer being able to be that honest and open about everything. I/we decided that we would try if the moment arose, but would not expect a different result anytime soon. Wrong. Only 4 days after that the first time we had sex again I was able to last and orgasm. I would say I still have a long way to full recovery because I wasn't fully hard as I would have been with porn, but what a relief to feel normal and intimate with someone I care about.
- I still plan on avoiding all MO for at least a few more months, maybe longer.
My advice based on my experiences:
- Accept that you simply can't use porn. I think this is the most important one overall. Prior attempts were on the mentality of "Yea, I'll just stop" but I never really looked deep into infinity. This time I made a point to recognize that I couldn't even have an inkling of it being ok to do even a few years down the line. Just never again. This was the time I actually bothered to delete all my old stashes, which although I probably hadn't used them in years were just sitting on old hard drives as a monument to my non-committment. This time I was more serious and actually thought about what it meant to quit with the intention to never resume.
- Start with purpose, and remind yourself of it. I made it a point to remember how disgusted I felt that last day. Even though I had felt that way many times before, I burned it into my head and think about it occasionally. It still makes me feel bad, which helps me from wanting to go back there.
- No peeking. This one was huge for me. Almost all of my streaks before were ended by getting "curious" and googling something not even softcore (tight pants, etc.), and after browsing a few pictures it was over. I always escalated from there. I was always aware of it. This time I committed myself to not doing it.
- Stupid standards. To help prevent peeking, I tried to avoid things that lead me there. The normal things like reducing aimless internet browsing (still a problem, but better), but also some stupid but effective ones. I started looking away during even slightly sexy scenes (even just a girl doing yoga or running) in movies, shows, and youtube videos, and would click off or cover similar images on otherwise innocent sites and magazines. I've relaxed that a little, and don't worry about it when I'm with my gf, but I still take it very seriously.
- Avoid computer. I've tried to avoid logging onto my computer without a specific purpose (work, school, gaming, etc) and then GET OFF as soon as that purpose is done. I've been fairly successful with it although netflix time has increased.
- If you have PIED and are lucky enough to meet someone interested in you, BE HONEST! I can not stress enough how important I think that was. A major leap in my recovery. Instead of (probably) making a girl feel bad for not satisfying me as in my prior relationship, this horrible situation become a positive making us closer. Most importantly it took a huge amount of pressure off me to perform, and I could just focus on enjoying myself. PIED from what I've read is entirely psychological. Taking enhancements may help temporarily for some, but it shouldn't be relied upon even if it does work. The only true cure is to clear your brain with time and to reduce your anxiety over the issue. It may take you a lot more time than it did me (I really consider myself very lucky), but if you end up meeting someone that you want to keep around, just be open for everyone's benefit. You'll get there.
TL;DR: Close to 2 decades of porn. PIED damaging self and relationships. Finally got serious about quitting my addiction. I have a long way to go, but I've made tremendous progress and am cautiously confident that this is my time.