OK I’ve managed one year with absolutely no porn or masturbation and I thought it would be polite to post a report of my experiences. Apologies for its length.
Before early May last year I was regularly using internet porn as an aid to masturbation when I was home alone. It was only a matter of time before I was discovered and about the 13th or 14th my wife came home and pretty much caught me. It was very VERY embarrassing and she was furious. So having put myself into such a horrendous position I decided I’d better sort it out. Losing my wife and child was very much on the cards and despite my actions I still very much loved (and still do) my wife.
My wife was introduced to the Ted talk “The Great Porn Experiment” online. And from there I found you guys.
So I started Nofap, and although it was difficult at first I dug my heels in and things gradually improved. I did my first 90 days and then I decided to reset as I had initially allowed edging and I wanted to do it properly. FYI it’s much easier if you don’t edge.
I also decided to go and see a therapist and try and untangle some knots which was a great help.
Being on this subreddit I’ve learned a fair bit about the damage internet porn is doing to society. But also about the very real damage it does to people. And I’ve come to dislike the industry intensely.
There’s a faith based group online called the Pink Cross Foundation run by an ex-porn actress called Shelley Lubben. I’m not even slightly religious but the work this woman has done is extraordinary. And for those of you who are interested it’s definitely worth a visit to this site. Although I should warn you some of the stories you will read are very unpleasant.
So for those of you who began this challenge to access these “superpowers” that are so often mentioned, here is a far better reason to avoid porn. If you’re looking at internet porn then you are complicit in mental, physical, and sexual abuse. The industry itself has links to people trafficking, drugs, and child abuse. And again if you log on, then you ARE complicit.
So giving it all up has left me far happier. My wife and I have a much more active and passionate sex life. I often suspected masturbation was having some effect on my sex drive, but I am still surprised by how much. Our relationship has improved outside of the bedroom too. Probably because I don’t have the shadow of porn guilt hanging over me anymore.
Virtually everyone on here has a kink of some kind. Some people have more extreme interests but I think everyone has there own sexual tastes. I’ve come to learn that internet porn drives that interest home. The more you chase that fetish the more you want. Straight guys often report being drawn to homosexual porn sites to get their kicks. Despite the fact that they don’t actually find men sexually attractive.
I found I had an attraction to older women. It didn’t develop into a granny fetish fortunately, but having found myself in the unfortunate position I was in, I decided to look into the why’s of it all. It is thought that you are likely to develop a sexual taste if you experience it consistently during your sexual awakenings in your teenage years. My one and only porn magazine during puberty was called “Playdames” and contained older women exclusively. I suspect that is where my taste for older women came from.
So if the pornography you access in your years of early puberty defines your taste in later life. Then you have to wonder what effect internet porn is having on the minds of young people today. It is reported as increasingly aggressive and unpleasant. Are teenagers seeing this as the norm? Is that the legacy internet porn will give us?
I began to avoid fantasizing about porn about 2 months into my challenge as it seemed it would probably retard any benefits I was trying to gain. As a result I’ve found thinking about the sites/women I used to visit no longer has any real effect on me. I believe my brain no longer connects these sites and images with sexual pleasure. Which is pretty much what I was trying to do in the first place.
I’ve no intention of changing my habits now. It’s clear to me that I’m far happier now than I ever was. Although I will be wary of letting my guard down.
The people on this site have been and absolute blessing. The amount of support and advice I’ve seen in the past year is staggering. And the amount of soul searching and distress have also been something of an eye opener. Particularly given that for the most part society sees porn and masturbation as a harmless and necessary distraction. Modern culture is willingly blind to this particular problem. Probably because the vast majority of people are addicted to porn to some degree.
Anyway I apologize for the epic post but it’s been something of an epic journey for me.
But thanks to the support of a group of total strangers I can now enjoy my time with my family wholeheartedly, and look my little girl in the eye without feeling ashamed.
Thank you all so much. And stay strong guys and girls 🙂
LINK – My year of abstention.
TWO YEAR UPDATE – Many thanks Fapstronauts.
Having had something of a marital meltdown in May 2013 due to my unhealthy fascination with internet porn, I found myself in major disgrace. And having decided to give me a chance to sort myself out my wife directed me to the Ted talk, “The Great Porn Experiment”. Which in turn led me to r/nofap.
I was feeling pretty wretched at the time and was very surprised by the support I received after my first post. Lots of advice and kind words. I really picked me up when I was feeling truly shit.
I haven’t PMO’d since my wife found out. Nor looked at porn. I did allow edging on my first 90 days but decided to reset and start again after that.
Our relationship has become much closer in the 2 years since. Not just in terms of sexual fulfilment. But also in our emotional closeness. We are better friends than we ever were before. I think not having to hide an active porn addiction will have a lot to do with this.
Our sex life is far more frequent and satisfying than it was in the past and my inclination to look at porn isn’t troubling me anymore. If I feel a bit horny then I try my luck with my wife. She’s normally game and if not I just wait until she is.
Having been on here for a while I’ve had chance to read about the sex industry from a different standpoint, and knowing what I now know I can’t justify using it ever again. So any thoughts about porn are dismissed quickly as irrelevant these days.
I’ve seen loads of posts on r/pornfree lately from people leaving nofap as they don’t cope well with the lack of masturbation. And for some people I can see how that would make sense. We were doing it before we climbed down from the trees and it didn’t cause any noticeable problems until porn became so prolific and readily available. But with porn as it is now, masturbation can quickly become something that takes over peoples lives. So I would agree that porn is the root of the problem. But for my marriage, a lack of masturbation has made sex fun again. So I’m sticking with it.
Anyway I decided to close my Reddit account because despite the fact nofap has been a great help to me personally, it has also become a reminder of a very difficult time that I’d like to put behind me.
To those of you who will no doubt be thinking, “2 years doesn’t make you cured. You only need to slip up once and you’ll be back on here.” I hear you. And I know it’s never really over. I just want to put it behind me now. And I will be careful. And most importantly of all. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! I can’t stress how much help this support group has been. It really has saved my marriage. I can look my little girl in the eye now without any feelings of guilt.
You lot are awesome!!!!