I feel I’ve got everything nofap has to offer. I find no reason to carry on the nofap challenge, as the main issue for me has always been the porn, not the masturbation itself. So, I masturbated yesterday. I didn’t watch porn, didn’t think of porn while doing it, and I will never start jerking off to porn again. How do I feel after “relapse” you might ask? Well, first of all, I don’t feel like I’ve relapsed. It was actually quite intentional, and I’ve been thinking of doing it for last couple of weeks. I’m single, so I’ve been doing this what some of you call “hard mode”. I haven’t had a wet dream, so this was my first orgasm after 110 days, and I can honestly tell you it was nothing special. Right now I feel that there’s been a release in my system, I’ve been coming a bit cranky last few weeks and maybe even a bit bitter. It would be a lie if I’d told you an orgasm didn’t make me feel OK. But after all isn’t that what it’s supposed to? Instead of making you feel sick or guilty because you did it in front of porn or anything you don’t feel OK with…
So what did I feel I achieved? I feel I’m cured from the porn addiction. I feel no Coolidge effect, and I think it’s absolutely crucial to be able to resist your urge to masturbate. I did it for 110 days, and I’m proud of myself. I feel I’m better equipped to handle life now, as I know I can manage my life without masturbating.
So like I said, I’m not going back to “once a day”, “once a week”, or even “once a month” masturbation. I’m going to continue as I’ve been living these past 110 days. I’m not going to masturbate by intuition, as I know it’s beneficial not to, but I’m also not going to torture myself with a thought of never allowing myself to masturbate again.
Well, I’m bad at writing this kind of stuff, always feel like going side tracked and not having an English in my first language isn’t helping either so I’m just going to stop here 🙂
Anyways, good luck to all of you and thanks for your support, It’s been absolutely life changing experience and I thank you all for making it possible. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
90 DAY POST – Some thoughts at day 90
There’s so many 90 days reports that I think I’m just going to list some of the most notable changes that come to my mind right now. Many of the changes I’ve felt may not be direct result of nofap, but instead of my mind going “well, you can’t run away to PMO, so why not do something useful instead?”. I’m not going back to PMO ever again, I know it. On the other hand I’m not forbidding myself to masturbate (without porn), but right now I don’t feel the need to do that either. I enjoy other things in life too much to degenerate myself into that.
Better grades: I study at university and I’m late for graduation, one of main reasons I began nofap was to get more time and interest to study. On the scale of 0-5 (1 is first grade where you pass the course) my grades have gone from around 0-2 to 3-4. I feel I have even more potential, and think this is mostly because of improved concentration and confidence…
Concentration and confidence: I feel there’s almost nothing I can’t be able to do nowadays. I maybe haven’t got any super powers, but I finally have gotten over my fear of failure. I see the world differently, before I saw difficult things (such as exams, meeting new people etc.) as obstacles (preventing me to be a loser at home just PMO’ing), now I see them as challenges and opportunities. I may not be perfect, but I can always improve.
Feel more connected to others: I feel I’m able to express myself better with my friends. I enjoy more being social and I’m not afraid of people. When some of my friends used to hug me I remember feeling a bit creeped out. Now I feel opposite, and often iniate physical contact. Maybe before I assosiated all physical contact to porn and sex, and was scared for example to hug a girlfriend of my friend’s because of that. Now I know everything doesn’t need to be sexualized and it feels marvelous to be free of those constant thoughts.
There are many other things that have passed my mind during these 90 days, but I can’t find a reason to try and list them all here right now. I will continue posting here on this subreddit, and I thank you all for your support. It has been tought from time to time, but it surely has been worth it.