After 125 days of total abstinence, last night I had great sex and a lot of it – with my new girlfriend. This is shaping up to be a monogamous relationship, I have totally fallen for the girl. The sex was amazing and there was lots of it, throughout the night. I think that sexually we clicked absolutely perfectly. There will be a lot more of it coming in the future and I have no worries whatsoever about anything, honestly.
For everyone out here reading and worrying. Please understand that this is totally something you can all overcome. Understand that you are not impotent, that despite all the ED talk, your penises are most likely completely and wonderfully functional, just relax, change your habits, and be extremely positive. I can’t over-emphasize this – be positive!
Finding someone to share with is an amazing thing and it will happen to you, if you have the right attitude. A couple of weeks ago I was single and in doubt of my manhood. Today, I’m in a relationship and have no doubts about it whatsoever. I was so worried about erections for months. Last month I just stopped worrying, connected with a great girl, and last night I had an erection and sex for hours, without needing any physical stimulation whatsoever. More – I get erections when I see her, touch her, kiss her, even sometimes when I just think about her. Falling asleep exhausted and naked, next to someone you feel extremely attracted to, then waking up and having more awesome sex and falling asleep again is an amazing feeling. I feel so fulfilled today. She felt great too – and she demands that we do it often.
Understand this, everyone: you are all very capable of this. Sexual attraction must be there and you have to drop all the worrying and enjoy the moment. Stop watching porn forever – it’s such a waste of your time and energy, it’s such a lonely experience. And if you can stop masturbating, or at least stop masturbating often – do it. I think I’ve given up masturbation in addition to porn. I just want to have sex and share. Sharing your sex with others is unparalleled. I’ve always loved having sex and I missed it so much for a while. Now that I’m back into it, I confirm what I said before – I’ll never go to the old habits again. Girls like sexually active and adequate men and from what I realize if I guy can provide this, the girl loves and cares about him, seeks him out and wants more. And then all kinds of other beautiful things – like intimacy and trust – develop. You can love and be loved, just focus on making someone else happy. This is not about us getting off in front of a screen by ourselves. This is about us being with someone else and seeing in their face how great of a time they are having with you. This is so much better than masturbation. It might actually be better than anything else.
This forum and Gary’s website have been invaluable to me. I found them at a time of total despair, perhaps even depression. I read it for about a month without speaking out. Then I figured out how caring Marnia and Gary are, and what a great community this is. I joined, read more, wrote some, learned about my sexuality, etc. The most important thing was that it gave me a forum to discuss my emotions, to ask for advice and to feel connected. I can’t thank enough Marnia, Gary, and everyone here for all the support and cheering up. Marnia and Gary: what you do is extremely important and I’m so happy I’ve found you and learned so much from you. I wish that more and more people get to realize the meaning of your work. You directly help us get out of the ditch and onto the track to happiness. Not too many people do this. Thank you!
Being a man and doubting your masculinity, the thing that women that we want to be sharing with value so much in us, is devastating. But this is just a feeling that will pass with the right attitude, with enough will, patience, and desire. It took me 4 months but I can tell you that if I had met this particular woman 2 months ago, it most likely would have worked as well. During those 4 months, I watched no porn and I didn’t masturbate. I was obsessed with my penis in the first 2 months – I’d occasionally touch it and make it erect. Then, after reading some success stories here, I decided not to touch at all. There is no need to check if you’ll get an erection. The erection will come – and will persist – when the right moment is there. Guys – you are not alone out there and your problems are totally reversible. Relaxing about it, stopping the porn for good, and having the right attitude are key here. Don’t worry about anything, you can do it. I myself hadn’t had meaningful sex in a long time. I worried, doubted myself, freaked out. No need. Stop the lonely habits, go out there and enjoy yourselves. Life is too short to be wasted…
I’m open to all questions anyone might have. Once again – thanks you for your support. Good luck and remember: don’t worry and be positive, this is absolutely conquerable!
[A few days later, in response to question from forum member] I took zinc, ginkgo, and l-arginine in the past. I started as soon as I freaked out about this problem in early November last year. [It’s now end of May.] I took them for a couple of months and discontinued them in February, about 3 months ago. I don’t think those helped. I have read about people taking enormous doses of l-arginine right before sex, because the product is supposed to be harmless. I have never taken such doses. I just did whatever the recommendation written on the bottle said.
I currently take fish oil, which I hear is healthy for the overall functioning of your body and for your wellbeing.
I have never taken viagra or cialis and never want to take these. I wouldn’t recommend these. They mask the problem temporarily and don’t solve it. I think that many, and possibly all, of the supplements advertised as sex enhancers are BS, and I’m sure that they somehow actually have negative effects on the body.
Eat healthy, maintain your body in good shape, and don’t worry about supplements. The rest should follow naturally.
BY – piper
Hallo, after I joined this community and posted my long story yesterday, I’m starting a blog. I won’t write much today as I already wrote quite a bit yesterday. And while my fingers are generally freer than in the past, typing all that much would constitute another over-indulgence – something I’d like to not invite. Smile
I’m mostly writing to connect with people and to start a place where I can put my thoughts on this embarrassing subject, one that needs to be addressed for the sake of men, women, and couples of whatever sexual orientation.
OK, it has been 43 days of no pornography and no masturbation. Here is where and how I am:
Let’s start with the mandatory promise to self: I will never watch pornography ever again. Pornography is nonsense – for way too many reasons. Unfortunately, we, selfish mammals, realize this only after we realize it has hit and harmed us. Watching it made me more isolated in the past. It also provided a fake and misleading feeling of sexual satisfaction. This would translate into many missed sexual opportunities that are real as well as into failures when the opportunities present themselves. Let’s all stop it forever and not feed pharmaceuticals cashing in on people’s manufactured problems, not feed the nonsensical culture of human isolation and immediate gratification further, and not feed our minds with garbage. Life is here, it is real, and it is to be enjoyed.
I won’t masturbate at least until I have sex with a woman.
No touching of the member whatsoever except for the purposes of hygiene under the shower and of using the restroom. In the past I often masturbated without being erect prior to masturbation and without particularly feeling like relieving myself. Today I find such behavior compulsive and disturbing. Artificially creating desires that need to be satisfied: I have always been against such practices in society. And I did it to myself – what a shameless hypocrite.
Generally, weak libido and weak desire. But not always – sometimes the libido comes and I feel slightly fidgety. No touching though. I enjoy the feeling greatly as it makes me feel alive in a way I want to be.
1 wet dream – the first in years – on day 24. Well, night 24… During the wet dream and the subsequent ejaculation I don’t think I had an absolutely full erection. As I was ejaculating I woke up – the erection was unconvincing.
Erections in the mornings sometimes but not always. Sometimes the erections are harder than other times. I had a huge and lasting erection yesterday morning. Lesser one today. As I fully wake up, however, the erections disappear.
No social problems meeting women and talking to them. I don’t have these. The problems start when things get to intimacy.
I take several supplements: fish oil, men’s multivitamins, amino acids, 5-htp, gaba, ginkgo biloba, and zink. I don’t’ overdo them, of course: each once a day, the multivitamins, the fish oil, and the amino acids – 3 times a day: not exceeding what’s prescribed on the bottles.
I drink alcohol occasionally but not excessively. Other weak substances (that are already legalized in parts of the world) are rarely used but not excessively.
I quit smoking several months ago. I completely quit it at once. The way I quit pornography. I think it is a matter of will and I think we can all do this at least for the sake of people that want to be with us, that want to be given a chance to love us and make love with us.
I am in good physical shape.
I am ready and willing to wait as long as this process of normalization takes. My immediate goal is to recover my sexual health and to be able to connect sexually – and then emotionally – with a woman I really like, a woman that has demonstrated sexual interest in me. There are several women that would sleep with me but this particular one is the only one I am truly interested in. Using a rubber is a prerequisite with all of them.
Rubber is a department in which I have failed every time, multiple times. So, another goal is to get to use one successfully and reliably. This, I think, is one of the great inventions man has come up with. And the fact I can’t use one angers and frustrates me enormously. It is not only destroying my sex life, but it is also hindering my ability to emotionally connect with women that want to sleep with me.
Enough for now. I follow people’s posts and progress and will write again soon.
Thanks, Marnia, for enabling me to blog! Good luck, everyone!