I’m writing this mainly to consolidate my ideas and share my take on pornfree. Since I’m anonymous, I’m going to tell everything, except for names. English is my second language, so pardon me for language. My story is very different from the stories I’ve read so far. But I did see some parallels. It started when I asked out my girlfriend. When we were friends, she knew I watched porn.
I didn’t see anything wrong with it and she never said anything about it. When I asked her out, she didn’t really say yes/no. I really liked her, so I asked her again. She liked me too, but she didn’t want to date someone who watched porn. She didn’t give me ultimatums.. but she just didn’t want to get involved with a guy who watches porn. Apart from obvious reasons that porn can be bad, she had been in an abusive relationship. Her ex had asked her to shave all pubic hair, said he’d want sex from others if she didn’t “give it” and almost attempted to pull down his pants in the (parked) car and force her into sex. This guy had surely had other mental disorders. (Though I dislike porn now, I don’t think porn alone would give rise to a monster like him) I gave up on porn then, because she mattered to me so much.
But that’s not the reason I continued with my pornfree journey. I watched the YBOP videos. I realized then, how novelty addiction has ruined my brain. I’ve developed new fetishes, watched many acts I would never do in real life. To get me exited, I needed porn. New porn. Twisted porn, sometimes. So, I stopped. Not just stopped, I felt pathetic about my past self.
There were unconscious/dirty thoughts after stopping porn. Probably since the brain is used to the fantasies, and I was not providing video anymore. So, instead, it produces its own imagery. I didn’t tell my girlfriend that, because she will get hurt. I know honesty is the best policy, but this one thing, I hide from her. I wouldn’t have to keep lying to her. Because it’s getting better. The objectified sexual thoughts are being replaced by romantic thoughts about her.
That’s my story. I’d like to leave you with one question to ponder. This applies to arenas outside porn as well (and unrelated to what I said before). Appearance and achievement are trades in mate selection (evolutionarily). Girls worry so much about make-up and high-heels (boys too have started to worry about abs and such). Boys worry about accomplishment and hierarchy. Romantic/marital love is much more than what evolution has prepared us for. To be in that supportive/equal love, should/shouldn’t we unlearn what evolution has taught us? (I asked this because it seems tangential)
LINK – Success story (nearly 200 days)
by sgkcqd
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