This subreddit has been incredibly important to me and my struggles (and occasional lack thereof) with pornography. I’ve been a long time subscriber and supporter. But about seven days ago I ‘failed’. I watched more porn in three days than I slept. But I’m not going to say it diminishes the past 470something days of being porn free. I feel that, though it would be detrimental for some, I would do better without the badge hanging over my head.
I don’t think it’s how long you can go without looking at pornography, but rather how you let pornography control you and your emotions. Let me explain: Worrying about how long you can go without pornography still places pornography in your psyche for much of your time, while rising above your desires allows for abandonment of the shackles of struggle. It ceases to be an issues, and you just really don’t want to watch porn. This revelation must come from within you, and you must claim your new personality trait “I don’t watch porn. I don’t even want to.” Note: this is not an abandonment of you as a sexual being. In my experiences I’ve been able to be more sexually intimate without porn in my life. It allows me to come to my own conclusions about what I find attractive, instead of what’s pounding what on the screen.
But now the goodbye. It isn’t about the streak of days, this is not a combo on guitar hero. This is about a change of character, and the overcoming of an addiction. I’m resetting my badge. I’m not unsubscribing, but I will not be coming back for a while. I hope that this was only a short moment of fury in my life, and that my change has been very permanent.
tl;dr – after 470something days I watched porn. Realize that the streak of consecutive days isn’t the point, but a sort-of-transcendental change of character. One must come into their own sexuality, and rise above the unhealthy output of porn compulsion. It’s a purely an internal endeavor.
Edit:: I don’t mean to downplay the severity of my relapse. I take it seriously, and understand its implications. But that being said, I think that the one relapse does not take away from my general growth out of the desire for pornography as I have had less and less as time went on (and continue to).