It took me multiple attempts (and I learned from each attempt) but I have now been masturbation and porn free for six months.
The first step (I know this is cliché) is recognizing you have a problem- knowing that your chronic masturbation to porn has adversely affected your life and relationships. I could write a book on how much better my life is now.
First, I am not some prude against all porn, who condemns masturbation for religious reasons. There are plenty of people who can masturbate in moderation. I am just not one of them, so I made the decision to stop entirely.
The first “gift” of abstaining from porn/masturbation is time. The amount of time I wasted each week was substantial. I could go a whole weekend inside mostly consuming porn and jacking. During the week I would do an hour a night, sometimes more. And then be totally worn out for the evening and just watch tube (another dumb addiction). Now, the things that I always told myself I should do, which I imagined myself doing? I am doing! And it is awesome. Hobbies, reading, social contact. I even have a dog now.
The second “gift”—and this will differ for different people—is money. I wasn’t spending mad amounts of money on porn, but enough to be stupid and wasteful. The couple hundred bucks I have not spent since I quit is nice to hav. I bought a new iPod recently as a “Reward.”
The third “gift” (and the one that I think matters the most and I am truly grateful for) is a far improved self image and much better self esteem. I am FAR more confident in social situations now—like night and day—like people ask me what have I changed about myself because I am so much more outgoing.
As far as relations with the opposite sex? I have never . . . . NEVER. . . been more confident about approaching women than I am now. I am far more motivated to seek and engage actual real women now. (And though this might develop as a problem itself- I am actually getting real sex now! But I am not going to worry about that now- just enjoy it for awhile.)
While I was consuming porn and beating off,I had severe performance anxiety when it came to actual real sex. That is gone. I have no problem. It is nice to actually get aroused by little things like a revealing blouse or some innocent cleavage or a summer dress or just a woman’s flowing shiny hair and fragrance—and not “Cum Gurgling sluts” video clips.
The time, the money, the feelings of confidence, vastly improved self image, and just getting a normal satisfying sex life makes my complete abstinence from masturbation SO WORTH IT.
So if you are someone who can beat off to internet porn in moderation? Hey, great. I ain’t judging you and more power to you. But if you are not—and you know if you are not— then you need to stop entirely. I tried the “once a week” promise, and it never held. You need to stop totally.
Steps I took.
- Cancelled my “porn” credit card that I would use to buy memberships to porn sites
- Cleaned my computer with an adware removal program
- Deleted all links
- Purchased and installed a comprehensive porn blocker which would make it tougher for me to succumb to temptation on the spur of the moment. (To be honest, the porn blocker blocks a lot of stuff that isn’t porn, and it can be a pain in the ass. But again, it’s something I am willing to put up with because of the benefits overall.)
- Kept a journal for the first three months, just typing out my feelings and logging improvements
- Called friends and family nightly, even old friends. Engage people socially. Go to a corner coffee shop. DO NOT WATCH TUBE and BITE YOUR FINGERNAILS- DO SOMETHING!
The improvements do come almost immediately. I noticed after three days of no masturbation: increased energy, increased attention, and higher self esteem. After a month? Those were all through the roof (and before the second month was over I had had real sex for the first time in months because I could approach women with confidence).
What really is amazing is how little of the porn I consumed I actually have a clear memory of. It is all like a big blur now. I have to literally concentrate hard to recall particular porn scenes or video clips. It clears out of your brain pretty fast, and the things that should get you aroused like just a pretty girl on the train in a nice dress. Once again do.
I would also like to bring up a couple more things for the men reading this.
Re-reading my journal last night, I noted how tough the first three days were (like people say about quitting cigarettes.) I wrote that it felt like I was withdrawing from caffeine (I have a coffee addiction I am never giving up). I felt edgy and nervous. That passed however after three days and was replaced with increased energy levels. So do what you have to for the first three days. Keep going. It gets easier.
Also – from my earlier attempts I learned I had “triggers,” and times that I was more susceptible to the temptation to masturbate. Learn yours and then devise ways to avoid them or lessen them. For example, the time of day that I was most prone to succumb was after dinner around 7PM. I changed my schedule, and instead of going to the gym in the mornings, I went at 7PM.
The thing that finally made me successful was keeping a daily journal—just remembering daily why I was doing this—why I wanted to stop. I had stopped before—got up to 30 days—but I wasn’t keeping a journal. I lost my reasons; felt I was “cured” blah blah. Keep a journal!
With all the ridiculous pro-masturbation propaganda out there it took me years to recognize my problem and come to terms with it. It is vital to ignore this complete horse crap. Masturbation is not “healthy.” Porn is not “normal.”
You won’t get prostate cancer. You don’t need to “clear the pipes.” Semen rotates naturally in and out of your testicles without you needing to burp the worm. Adolescent exploration is one thing. It can arguably be called natural to masturbate when you are 15. But if you are a 40 year old single man still beating off daily (and using internet or other porn), that is not “natural” and it certainly isn’t healthy (in both mental and physical ways—not to mention spiritual—ways).
I really believe the pro-masturbation sentiments in the medical community for the past 40 years or so approach the level of criminal irresponsibility. Whole generations of men have been warped by this nonsense.
by Alex B