I’ve known I had a problem since 2006 when I was confronted by my wife about the amount of time I was PMO’ng. Well I thought I wasn’t “normal” long before then but 2006 was the time I began to seek help. I started counseling and joined a 12 step recovery group to help me with the fact that I used PM to self medicate, to escape my life, responsibility, and problems. Mostly just to numb out and quite the negative self talk in my head. It made me feel in control and powerful.
Despite the fact that I had lost 2 jobs because of my problem, I apparently had not lost enough and struggled to keep any kind of streak of abstaining. When I lost my wife, my family, my house and my financial stability in 2009 instead of trying to make any changes I went the complete opposite direction and spent countless hours viewing pornography and fapping. I was unemployed again and living with my sister before I finally decided I had lost enough to seek a change in my life.
My sobriety/badge date is 12.26.12, but the only day that is important is the day I am currently in. I guess I’m practicing standard mode, but because I’m perpetually single it’s more like hard mode. I seek to stay present in each moment of each day and regularly attend at 12 step recovery group for sexual addiction.
I have regained the trust and life’s of my family and ex and have been at the same job for over three years. Every day is different and some days (like today) are rough but it’s not about a streak for me, it’s about not losing what I have worked so hard to regain in my life.
LINK – My Story – A Brief Summary