Today is day 90 of my no-fap odyssey. It doesn’t really feel like a success because I think I achieved my goal a long time ago and at the same time I also feel I haven’t achieved any goal, because these 90 days taught me so many things I don’t think I will ever ever use PMO again.
First of all, my addiction. I started watching porn when I was young, too young. It was a huge mistake and I blame it on society and on the pressure it puts on young men who are inexperienced about sex. When you are a teenager (or even a kid these days), if you don’t watch porn you are not cool, an outsider. Porn is easily accessible and there are really no restrictions to what content can be seen.
I wish I would have played more games as a kid, instead of wasting my time with porn. Now I’m too old, tired and worn out to have fun, things have gotten difficult. I wish I could have my childhood back, I feel like I’ve been molested in a way. Porn has taken everything from me – I have little memory of my adolescence, all I remember doing was looking at porn.
Porn is not realistic, it promotes misogyny and the idea that money can buy you anything. It gives you a false sense of fullfilment. I agree with people when they say that masturbation is natural and healthy, I wholly agree, but porn? No it is not. It’s true that not everyone ends up being addicted but in my opinion there’s no “right” dosage for porn. Sex is an important part of life and shouldn’t be lived through a screen.
Like some other fapstronauts, I started out with “normal” porn and later got into things like “slap happy” porn, BDSM and piss drinking, things that I find repelling in real life. Fortunately, I quit soon after realizing what I was doing, although I do wish I found nofap before. I find it surprising that even though I thought porn had re-wired my brain and changed my taste, I can say I’m back to “normal”, or I should say maybe that I’m normal for the first time since I’ve been seeing porn for so many years. I no longer would stand the sight of women being humiliated, which is what 99% of porn is about. NoFap makes you realize how fucked up our society is, not just porn. Sex is truly the lowest common denominator and I think it’s shameful that something so intimate has been made into the #1 tool of mind control.
What do I feel after 90 days? My confidence is back, my intelligence is back and I’ve never been so healthy. I don’t waste any time any more, I don’t miss fapping and I don’t think I will ever go back to it. I’ve changed my life around and am getting a proper education. What do 90 means? For many, it means considering themselves “re-wired” and going back to porn in smaller quantities. For me, there’s no going back. The person I am now is so different from the person I was I can no longer identify myself as that person. Porn has made me an underachived, affected my personality and destroyed my social life. It was never about fapping to me, some times I just kept the porn tabs open while doing other stuff. Porn used to be a substitute for a social and sex life and that was wrong.
Do I recommend nofap to newcomers? Hell yes! It has changed my life around and it will change yours, too. It’s not that hard after the first two weeks and I personally think I had my reset at day 30 or so. I’m not ever going back to porn again, I used to sufffer from suicidal depression and now look at me, I’m studying again and making new friends, I feel like I’m getting the life I should have had.
Thank you all for the support you’ve given me. I have only a tip for those who are starting now: delete your porn collection and bookmarks. I had over 1TB of porn and deleting it was the hardest part of my journey but I never regretted deleting it. If you keep it, even a tiny fraction of it, you will fail. I’ve failed 4 times before reaching the 90 days mark and look at where I am. Good luck to everyone!
BY – werrsaw