90 days – (ED & DE): far better sex & relationship, more confidence & focus

I might not have been actively writing in this reddit, but I’ve been following, and it’s gotten me out of some rough stretches during this run, so, well, time to pay it back a little. Short version: No superpowers, some more confidence, far better sex, some more focus. Tell your SO, probably does not harm, could improve your relationship.

So, why did I do this? Well, I got a gf, wasn’t as responsive in bed as either she or I would have liked. When I met her, I’d been having a 4 year dry spell. She was good, I didn’t react as much as I should. Blowjobs, for example, just felt “meh”.

Anyway, I’d tried two miniruns of one week each, just to see what effect they had. It helped a little, but no real long term effect. So, I decided to try nofap for a month. We have a LDR, so I started in a period where she would be away for that month. Started nofap, cut porn, took up exercise, meditated somewhat more actively, the “standard tips”. Flatlined now and then, but managed to avoid being too nervous, since I had read about it beforehand. Instead of fearing it, embrace it, those are the easy days.

The first twenty days were hell. There’s no real other way to say it. If you get through the first twenty days, everything is easier. It still requires effort, it hasn’t gotten easy, but it’s gotten far, far easier. On hard days, nofap really helped. After a while, I got it programmed into my fingers, so instead of heading to some, well, “other” site, I ended up writing “r/nofap” instead. I might have been lurking, but knowing that there were others there going through the same thing helped.

Anyway, end of the month, she comes visiting, she notices that something is quite different. I went what I consider as “medium mode”, that is, extended spells of hard mode, but with breaks in between with her. No break from nofap, of course.

Anyway, lying in bed that evening, she asks what’s up, since something seems, well, better. After a seconds thought, I come clean. I describe what I’m doing, why, etc.. There’s a few seconds pause, and she declares that she loves me. The next day, I decide to extend my run to 90 days.

Nofap improved our relationship quite a lot. The fact that I was doing this in part for her really got us closer. The fact that I am completely abstinent apart from her, well, it also turns her on, as she describes it. The fact that the only sexual activity I indulge in is with her, well, she likes it. She’s also stated that if I wish to go hard mode or anything in between, she’s open for that instead, but personally I wish to just be sexually stable and focused on her, so I allow myself that. After my hard mode periods, I don’t exactly last very long, but that’s just the first few times, it improves quite fast. She’s more than supportive, so it works out well :). If it wasn’t for her, well, I probably wouldn’t have made it this far.

Oh, and blowjobs? Yeah, they changed from an “Eh, yeah, that’s okay” to “oh…my…fucking…god”. She kind of feels vindicated now, and she has good reason for it.

So yeah, I hit 90 days. What now? Well, personally I suspect that one day I may stop nofap (though I will try to keep it to very moderate amounts and try to continue noporn), but, well, at this point, why stop? I aimed for 30, hit it, aimed for 90, hit it… what’s the next nice number? 120 I guess. Or 150. Something like that. After that? Who knows. I’m not sure if this advice works for anyone else, but I prefer to set medium goals instead of going for the big one at once. Aim for 30, hit it, extend your goal. Going for 30 first feels “smaller”, and it will help you through the first 20 days, which is the hard part.

It might not be the most original advice ever, but if you have a SO, tell them. Them knowing that you are making a bit of a personal sacrifice for self-improvement which will also help them a lot generally does not harm :). Other than that, exercise REALLY helps. If you have a rough day, run until you are tired, lift some heavy stuff until your muscles hurt… it’ll calm your urges for the rest of the day and a bit of the next. It’ll also help you get in better shape, which doesn’t harm either :). I’ve never been in this good shape before, and it’s simply due to using exercise to assist in nofap. I hope I keep that particular part of the habit now, since I’m starting to like “the new me”.

That’s probably not the worst idea ever: Begin liking who you are becoming. Keep an eye on your improvements, and tell yourself that things will get even better if you keep things up. Really helped me :).

So, well, thanks for the support, fellow fapstronauts! If I hit 150, I’ll probably check in again, and I might hang around a bit more until then. I wouldn’t have made it without you!

LINK – 90 day report, some slight triggery bits

by Wit_Amidst_Folly