DISCLAIMER I want to make it clear that nofap did not CAUSE any of this to happen to me. You won’t improve if you don’t do anything- what you do is most important, not what you abstain from. My improvements are correlated with nofap, but there is not a causal relationship. Nofap gives you the chance to be better, if you take it.
What’s up everyone,
It feels really, really great to have made it this far. I have absolutely no regrets about taking on this challenge and would encourage you to try 90 days of hardmode. I’ll do my best to make a coherent post, but I’ve learned a lot and have much to say so let me know you have any additional questions, as I’d be happy to answer. Short bio on me: 19m, 3-4x week fapping, always partying (drinking/smoking) to try to get laid, rarely working out.
I won’t bog you down with the details of the full 90 days in the post, but I will say that it’s REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT to see things through to the end. I was having a lot of doubts about nofap during my flatline, which lasted about a month and a half. I also saw a lot of improvement over my last 20 days, so don’t get discouraged if things aren’t going your way right off the bat. I know that I expected a lot initially and it was sad that I didn’t see instant changes, so don’t set yourself up for disappointment by doing that.
In addition to the common benefits (more energy, more time, improved mental clarity), I think the most important thing that changed for me was my perspective (here’s where hardmode played a big part). Before I took on this challenge, I would say that getting laid and getting sexual arousal from females was my end game. I’d validate myself based on whether or not I got laid, and the attractiveness of the girl. I now realized that this caused me to have pretty unhealthy relationships with girls, because all I wanted to do was have sex with them.
Now, I see things a lot differently. After 90 days of not getting aroused sexually, the urge went away and became insignificant. I would say that my urge to get laid has died down and I’m more interested in actually connecting with girls. I realized that having meaningful connections with females was more enduring and pleasurable than the fleeting pleasure of getting pussy. During my 90 days, I’ve made really great girl friends that are actually just friends, which is something that would have been a lot more difficult before (girl friends are the shit, don’t be sad about being friendzoned, girls are the best wingmen and give great advice). In short, this challenge made me realize that fleeting pleasures like sex/fapping are temporary, and I should aim for more lasting pleasure.
Fapping and random one night stands are really empty pleasure. There’s really no point aside from temporary pleasure that goes away as soon as you blow your wad. Fapping does nothing, and after you get with some random girl, neither of you feel particularly great about it. So don’t try to just bone the girl, try to get to know her and connect with her. It will make things so much better.
During this time, I’ve also begun to work out a lot more and do things for myself. Before I was trying to do things to improve myself in the eyes of others- I was trying to improve for the wrong reasons. I’ve learned that it’s important to have the right reasons to do things because if you’re doing something (i.e. trying to do ____ to get laid) and it doesn’t work (you don’t get laid), you’re gonna be pretty depressed. But, if you do things purely for your own benefit and don’t worry about how other people will see it, you’ll continue your good habits and won’t worry if others notice- you notice the change and that’s all that matters. In short, do what you want to do and improve for yourself for you, then others will notice.
A quick note on porn- I saw this on this forum and found it very helpful as a way of deterring myself from fapping. Don’t think of it as “porn” that you’re watching, because the word “porn” has certain implications (like all guys do it, so it’s okay). Think of it as “watching other people have sex.” That’s really weird when you think of it like that, and it’s reall y helped get me away from porn. It kinda grosses me out now. Plus, that’s someone’s daughter, and I feel pretty bad about that.
That’s about all I can think of. My apologies if this was a bit unorganized, as I have a lot to say and couldn’t possibly fit it in one post. Fight the good fight and remember that you have a lot to gain. It’s easy to lose sight of the end goal, so try to have some perspective and think about what you want long term. Thank you for taking the time to read.