I feel like a freight train on rails that lead to success. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s that you have to take one day at time. I’m lining up days one after the other, becoming a little more the man I should be with each spin of the earth.
I know I will get there. It might be next year, it might be five years away, but there is no derailing me. This feeling of inevitability is comforting—it helps me grit my teeth and take my lumps today, because I know it will get better in the future.
I feel a vibrancy springing up from inside. There are off days, but in general, there’s a vitality surging within me that leans into life, causes me to smile like a doofus for no reason, laugh out loud when lying awake in bed for no reason, appreciate small beauties hidden in the hustle and bustle of existence, and just feel okay with myself even if I’m sitting alone in my apartment. I am me, and I’m doing what I need to be doing, and that brings satisfaction.
Physically, I feel great. I’ve been working out consistently, more so than I ever have. I’ve been taking nothing but cold showers. I’ve been cooking and eating nutritious meals at home. I confine my caffeine consumption to before noon. I sleep less, wake up early, feel more refreshed, look great, and my skin is very clear.
I am undeniably bolder. I have a tendency to be timid and let people push me around. I used to tell myself it’s because I was strong and I could handle it, but I realize now it’s because I was weak and was simply afraid to stand up for myself, because my self respect was left for dead in a ditch. I also dreaded awkward situations because I had no center; I was a wad of people pleasing anxiety. Now I have a center. Uncomfortable situations aren’t a big deal, and I don’t have a problem contradicting people.
My visits to this subreddit are less frequent than when I started. This is how it should be. The goal is to get PMO out of the mind completely. When living life normally, as it is meant to be lived, I will not be obsessing about not fapping. I will have a clear head. That is freedom.
Today is ninety days for me. Each day, as I wrote elsewhere, is its own battle. Past success doesn’t mean I get a free ride today. At day 30, 90 days felt so far away. Once I got closer, I was surprised at how quickly the time passed. Time flies when you’re having fun. Time flies when you’re not drowning yourself in self-loathing by the light of your computer in a dank bedroom.
Fellow fapstronauts, let’s be strong and make this the best year of our lives.
LINK – 90*1 day at a time