Today is the day. I’m very glad I have kept strong and I am very proud of myself. In hindsight is was less hard than I thought, though I have struggled several times. Not a single relapse, this is my first attempt. How did I do it? Well, I was just sick and tired of myself. I started because of ED, the most obvious physical sign that I was in trouble. The other, earlier symptoms just did not directly get to me, though they had been influencing me for years: zero libido, constantly feeling sad and depressed and being abnormally disinterested in women. I have tried to go cold turkey several times by myself. Did not last at all. Within two weeks, but usually just within a couple of days, I would relapse again and fap like I had not in years. I then discovered NoFap by accident, clicking the Reddit ´random´-button in boredom. NoFap felt like my last chance of taking control by myself. My parents always taught me that “you are always in control over yourself”. Failing to have self-control over my addiction consequently felt like failing in everything I am and I was taught. NoFap as my ‘now or never’ is the biggest motivator. If I fail this challenge, I instructed myself to get professional help. Secondly, it is a matter of how I got through the challenge. For me, the way not to fap is to not let yourself even come close to the opportunity. Because I have been and will be busy from early morning until late evening every day, I will not have many occasions. Boredom is by far my biggest enemy, keeping busy my most powerful weapon.
Have I noticed any change? Yes. Of course, like many say: the first few weeks really are the worst. You will notice that you are really struggling to get rid of the porn and fap-rhythm that is part of your everyday life. In the first week, my hands were physically ‘preparing a session’ before my mind knew what was going on. I then realised what I was doing and immediately quit. In the first two weeks I have even had several dreams that I was watching porn and fapping, during which I then too realised what I was doing and again quit. It shows how strong these addictions are. I have also had several wet dreams, but lately not anymore. I still feel an urge to porn and fap and I still feel that way. I’m not disgusted by it (at least not ‘normal’ porn) and I do think masturbation is a very healthy thing. I have just let it gone too far in the past, and so I have to pay for it now. This brings me to a question for the elders: after completing the challenge, have you taken up fapping again, and if yes: did you relapse into addiction or are you able to maintain a healthy dosage? I am just interested, I am not planning to do it again. Quitting gained me more than the pleasure could.
I have no superpower, I am not reborn. However, I am distinctly more confident than before. This is by far the greatest reward I got from this challenge and one that I had not imagined at the start. It influences on several aspects of my life. My grown confidence, together with my ever more growing libido, has given me the feeling that I am for the first time in my life ‘in the game’. I am very interested in women and I have gotten (or noticed) more looks and flirting than I have had before. Even if I did not get any attention from women, the grown confidence is without any doubt worthwhile the trouble. I think my ED is cured, but I am not sure. I am certain it is recovering though. I’ll let you know when the time has come. I you have any more questions or if I have forgotten to mention anything, please ask me anything!
I want to conclude my report with massive gratitude towards NoFap and its members, and a fantastic compliment to those who succeeded, to those who are still struggling and to those who are about to take action. Keep it up fapstronauts! I will not stop here. I am going for the 150 days and beyond. One step at a time though.
By – yutty
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