A year clean. PIED healed. Would not trade my GF for all pornstars together


I discovered nofap about 2-3 years ago. I am not sure how I got here but I think I was searching for “why doesn’t my dick work sometimes” or something like that. At this time I was a student and had a lot of free time so I masturbated sometimes 6-8 times a day to hardcore porn.

Rest of my day was watching a lot (38! i had to track them with excel) of TV shows, playing videogames(14h straight) and reading news(12 websites).

I am kind of blessed because I never had to do a lot of study and still managed to be one of the best graduates of my class. So basically I spend my whole life at home. There was a time in my life where I stayed at home for 2-3 months without going out! My social life was very limited.

Still got a few friends but all of them are blue collar kind of people who work for 10 years and are in a different time in life (getting married/having kids). I never really had a problem with talking to people. People tend to like me.

But I never had a girlfriend in my life. Never had sex. A few year ago I kissed a girl while drunk. I not even liked her or was attracted to her. Funny thing is I am actually not a total failure with girls just with the girls I like. I think a huge part of my problem was that I never liked how I looked. I am already getting bald and my skin is covered in acne for more then 10 years now.

Never been happy with my body/weight. I used to be really skinny. I always tried to get heavier but nothing worked. As I became older I finally managed to gain some weight. But it went directly and only into my belly. And then there came the time when I don’t even tried to get in touch with girls anymore. I didn’t care I had porn to get off.

And you all know what happened next. My taste became really weird. I started fapping with toxic by britney spears and dirty by christina aguilera and a picture of summer from the oc (nothing nude) under my bed. After that I started watching real porn. Really soft stuff like kissing girls. But it got harder and harder. It got to a point where I was regularly watching tranny and gay porn.

I even registered at a gay dating site. The thing is I wouldn’t have a problem with being gay but I was only gay while horny. While I was horny I imagined meeting a guy and get fucked by a huge cock… But a second after orgasm it was gone. Also I never found guys attractive not in real life and not in porn. I was really into domination and I guess getting fucked by a guy was the peak of such a scenario for me.

I don’t have to mention that I could not get hard without porn. Being such a pussy I was also in a few toxic relationships. I liked a girl but never told her. Total friendzone. She always called me to tell me about her problems and never cared about mine. It is really destroying when the girl you like is telling you about her sexlife with other dudes. But I wasn’t able to end this relationship until I realized that I haven’t seen this girl in months. I liked this girl and I wanted to be at least friends with her so I tried constantly to meet. But every time we arranged something she called me a day before or even on the same day and cancelled. Everything and everyone had a higher priority than me. But whenever she had a problem she would call me to complain about it. Writing this I can’t understand how I could even be this kind of guy. I don’t even blame her. She is really self focused and I am pretty sure she never realized how she treated me.

It was a year ago when I decided to change. And I am the kind of guy who goes big or goes home if you know what I mean. So I wanted to change everything I hate about me at once.

I knew from the past that I wasn’t able to do nofap because I didn’t really have much else. But it was the perfect time in my life. I was about to finish university. So I decided to apply for jobs far away from my current location. Leave everything behind. A clean cut. Today I am pretty sure I would never have made it without a job. A fulltime job, enough sleep and managing my own household is a key factor to success for me.

I also moved into an apartment with roommates (1m+2w+me). Now I have to communicate with people and have to leave the house. I love my job it is exactly what I wanted to do and the salary is great. I really like my roommates and they became close friends.

The next thing I changed is my media consumption. I sold all videogames/accounts. Sold my PC, TV, xbox and my smartphone. I got a Mac and an iPhone from work so I could get rid of all my tech stuff. I basically do not own anything tech anymore. I also deleted every video, photo, music and book (not just porn. Everything!). I don’t read news anymore. Cancelled subscriptions to every service I used.

I basically killed my digital self. I do not even own an email address anymore (except work). For sure I deleted all social media. Remember when social media was fun? Me neither. All this hate. All this posing. It is a pure waist of time. I once read a paper about how social media makes you unhappy because you are constantly confronted with things you will never get/become. I can confirm.

Also I believe all this advertising makes you dumb. In the same time of moving I got rid of everyone I knew till then. I didn’t do anything active. Just moved 600km, deleted social media and got a new phone number. Like I said no exception – 100% cut.

A year ago I started to work out and joined a sport club. I was so weak. And my endurance was non existing. The first weeks were so hard. I was in pain all the time. I go to the gym 3-times a week (Mo-We-Fr) doing body building. And on the other 2 days I go boxing. One day for practice and one day sparring. I never was a sport guy but I am really hooked now. You just have to start and after a few week you can’t live without.

Sport changed also the way I think about my diet. Back in the days I ate every crap I could find. Lets face it between Fastfood and garbage there is not a huge difference. All this sugar. I am drink and eat really healthy now. I even became a vegan. I only drink water and try to avoid sugar. Quit alcohol. Thank god I never was into any other drug.

Great thing about my sport club is they offer all kind of activities. So I spend my weekends trying new thing. Tennis, golf, canoe ive done everything.

And I meet new people all the time! Also I like to go to the local animal shelter and walk a dog. I always liked animals but can’t provide what they deserve (space/time) but this is just perfect. It is great to do something for some other being.

Also I got into a group of people who play board games sometimes. Can’t remember when I played an offline game the last time.

Now PMO. I went Hardmode for 4Months and did not watch porn/masturbate in a year! Just avoided internet as much as possible and stayed busy.

So what is different after this huge change of my entire life?

First and I guess most important factor: I am happy!

Second I found a girlfriend. It is really funny one of the main reasons for starting my whole jouney was to fuck a lot of girls. But then it became so much more. A few weeks in and my mindset completely changed. It is true that you see women as other human beings again.

In the beginning I wanted to be with girls but I did not care about them. But being around a lot of different people, being outside and nofap made me realize how cold I became in the past. A few weeks in I was thawing.

After 4 Months I met a cute girl and experienced a kind of relationship I have never experienced before. Would not trade her for all pornstars together. And oh boy porn has nothing to do with sex.

Work is still pretty great. And I still live with my roommates. Work, Friends+Girlfriend and sport is keeping me busy. I really don’t miss my old life. My weird fetishes are gone 100%. The pictures in my brain are faiding. And i can get hard again without anything!

What is my advice:

Write down what you don’t like about your current situation, what you want to achieve, why, and how you will do it. Break everything down into small steps. I wont lie it is not easy. Fight. Don’t give up. Never surrender. Die trying! Maybe move and start new. Give up on bad relationships. Stay busy. Exercise. Eat healthy. No drugs! Do something for someone else – just for fun. Avoid the internet especially social media! It feels awkward the first two weeks but then its a relief.

Good luck and see you on the other side.

LINK – Changed my whole life and it worked

By supercleanyear