Hi there NoFap,
Just want to start by saying that if it weren’t for this little community, I wouldn’t be where I am today. You guys all kick ass. I’ve been doing NoFap for about a year now, on and off. My longest streak was around 50 days, but I’ve had numerous mini-streaks since then ranging from a week to 30 days. So no, I’m not some 300+ day beast, but I think I’ve learned enough from my trials to seriously better myself.
So my situation right now isn’t great; I’m living at home in the suburbs with my parents. Working 40+ hours a week and have very few opportunities to meet women. So last week we took a family vacation to Vermont, and stayed at a “family camp” on a lake. I went up with the expectation of spending most of my time fishing, swimming, reading, hiking and relaxing. I was excited for a forced week of NoFap (small cabin with family members, not a chance). I was on Day 8 or so when I went up, so I was feeling the boost from the first week already. On the 2nd day there, I met a wonderful girl who worked there. She’s from Europe, but comes to work during the summers. We hit it off immediately. Chatting, laughing, smiling, the works. As the week went on, I decided to take the situation by the horns and try to get to know her as much as possible. It worked. What was great was that on top of NoFap, I wasn’t drinking, smoking pot or doing any of my other activities to distract me from real life. And I was in a beautiful place on vacation, so my life-force energy was sky high. As the week went on, we began to spend more time together. I guess the vibes I was giving off were wholesome enough for her to open up to me about almost everything in her life; we built up a very solid foundation of trust quickly. I could go into great detail about some of our interactions, but I’ll spare you the time.
On the last night, she found me and we had a very heartfelt goodbye. I could tell that she truly did not want it to end, as did I. Turns out she was flying out of my city the following weekend, so I offered to come back up, hang out during the weekend and then drive her down to catch her flight. She seemed pysched on the idea, and it was honestly all I could think about during the week leading up to it. We had a fun weekend up there (didn’t get to see her much, but it was worth it) and had a great ride back down to the city. Before I dropped her off, I confessed that I had very strong feelings for her and that it was going to be very, very hard to see her go. She made it very clear that the feelings were mutual. Good feels.
Anyway, this past week has been rough. Wondering what could have been, if I’ll ever see her again, etc. It was truly a summer romance that had a shitty expiration date. But above all, amidst the sadness that I felt, I realized that I was actually feeling these things. I’ve spent so many years of my life masturbating to porn, smoking pot, drinking and playing video games that I became numb to real emotions. I was in a blissful state of ignorance, 24/7. After discovering NoFap, I have eliminated these factors that have dragged me down, and picked up new ones that have increased my quality of life (exercise, healthy eating, meditating to name a few).
At first it was scary, this wave of emotion just hit me square in the face as I pulled out of the airport. I’m not used to it. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since then, and have come to the conclusion that even though I fell for a girl that I couldn’t have, it was an incredible experience. The connection was life changing. Possibly the best part of all was not second guessing our mutual attraction, which I have done repeatedly in the past. It felt fucking incredible to know, with 100% certainty, that she felt the same way I did.
Sorry for the long story, but I have to end with a conclusion. I have a feeling that many Fapstronauts are motivated by the prospect of getting laid as a result of NoFap. While it is definitely a healthy goal, I do not believe it is the essence of this quest. True connection, true attraction, and feeling on top of the fucking world when you’re speaking to a girl you care about? That’s the real deal. Sex will follow, but becoming a real human being that someone can truly bond with on an emotional level, I believe, is more important.
TL;DR After years of fapping and avoidance, I finally connected to a girl that I deeply cared about. Emotions were overwhelming, but a welcoming sign of being properly wired (finally).